


It Had To Be You

by notdavestrider



Series: It Had To Be You (Series) [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming of Age, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Inspired by Music, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Trolls on Earth, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-11 16:04:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 72,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7899019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notdavestrider/pseuds/notdavestrider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider has been in love with his best friend John Egbert for as long as he can remember, and when he realizes he'll never love him back, his teenage heart hits rock bottom.<br/>He changes habits and friends, and starts healing in his own terms.<br/>But when he finally thinks he's safe from the cruel claws of love, life's spins nudge him towards someone new.</p><p>A story about learning to love right. Not a love triangle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Hurts

**Author's Note:**

> I must say I'm extremely nervous about posting this story. For now, this is only the Prologue, but I would like to point out very important things before you keep reading.
> 
> 1) This is a very personal story for me. It's a slow-build and it's all about Dave's emotional journey through his last years of teenagehood and the beginning of his adulthood. Davekat is the main and 'endgame' pairing.
> 
> 2) There are several minor pairings in this story, and a couple slightly more important ones that I chose not to mention for the sake of plot, but once those pairings show up they will get their own personal mini fics. That way people who aren't into them won't have to sit through them, and the ones who do can read more of it.
> 
> 3) There is some underage drinking and (tobacco & pot) smoking, particularly at the beginning of the story, but it is not a relevant matter later on.
> 
> 4) There is consensual underage sex but most of it is only implied. I will add the appropiate warnings right before chapters with specific sexual content and "skip points" for all my ace and non-sexual readers.
> 
> 5) This story is heavily based and inspired in personal experiences but also in music, so look out for those [S] links and enjoy some tunes. Use right click to open in a new tab because i can't figure out how to html that shit in one click.
> 
> 6) Rose and Dave aren't related in this fic but they do hook up "off-screen". Sorry if anyone is put off by that.

 

_Chapter 1_

**Love Hurts**

 

If someone asked Dave Strider what the worst thing that had ever happened to him was, his first answer would probably be "That one Halloween when Bro dressed me up as a hot dog" or maybe "When I bought the last ICP album because, shit, what the fuck was I thinking? And what the hell were Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope thinking? I mean, really? It’s so bad that I wouldn’t use it to wipe my ass. Fuck, it’s so bad I wouldn’t even use it to pick up my dog’s shit. And I don’t have a dog. But if I had one, rest assured, the sad bastard would be offended just by hearing me suggest picking up his shit with that awful thing."

 

But despite the fluency and ease with which Dave would give this answer, the truth was that all that talk was nothing but a smokescreen. After all, it's easy to say the first stupid thing that comes to mind when you are trying to avoid an issue, and Dave had acquired great skill in this particular art over the years.

 

But even though he always made his best to keep his stoic cool guy image retouched with that weird humor of his, the worst thing that had happened in his life continued to be a reality. A reality he tried to ignore. Oh, and he tried _so hard_. But that task was simply impossible for him. And he knew it, he knew it very well.

 

Dave Strider was madly in love with his best friend, John Egbert.

 

What? That’s all? What a scam, what a cliché! Couldn’t he find another less stupid reason to torment his youth? Alcoholism? Drugs? Acne???

 

No. Apparently, the Teenage Traumas Management had decided to grant him the most ridiculous and classic disaster from the repertoire: A pair of sweaty palms, butterflies inside his stomach, and temporary tachycardia whenever his best friend in the whole world appeared without a previous warning.

 

Dave wasn’t even sure when he started to feel that way. He didn’t even know the exact reason why his old playground partner made him feel like that. What he DID know, was that he felt a numbing heat in his chest every time he got one of his text messages, a genuine smile covered his mouth every time he heard him chattering with excitement about his interests, there was that inner peace he experienced whenever he could sense his warmth close enough to perceive his familiar scent.

 

And he felt joy, he felt calm. His closeness always made him feel like everything was going to be okay.

 

Dave wasn’t able to remember the exact moment he fell in love with John, but he could never forget how they became friends.

 

The first time Dave met him, John was ten years old, he had tousled black hair, long front teeth, hyperactivity, and dark blue eyes protected by his glasses’ rectangular lenses, which looked ridiculously big for a child his age.

 

The first thought that crossed Dave's mind was that the boy's face probably spent a lot of time visiting the inside of toilets. And he wasn’t mistaken.

 

During that first year in his new school, Dave went from ignoring him to defend him from bullies, and ended up being bullied himself for doing so. As the two children grew up and learned to stand up for themselves, the abuse became less and less every day and even disappeared years later, but the forged friendship never did.

 

"You're just like his puppy," his friend Rose told him once when they were thirteen, right after listening to him go on and on about how much fun he and John had had the day before in his house. Her voice displayed amusement, something that didn’t go unnoticed by Dave.

 

"Why do you say that?" he inquired with a frown, though he was not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

 

"You follow him everywhere and when he can’t play with you, you get sad," the sharp lass replied calmly. "If you had a tail it would move frantically every time he called your name." Noticing Dave was about to throw a snarky response, she decided to add: "Shhh, here he comes."

 

Dave turned his head so fast he almost injured his neck, but just as his hand pressed the aching muscle, he realized that he had taken the Rose's bait.

 

Clenching his jaw and doing his best not to look at her, he listened to her chuckle and then mutter viciously, "I could have sworn I saw your ears popping up over your head for a second there."

 

Dave grunted. Some people (Rose included) would say his ridiculous attachment was cute, but "embarrassing" seemed like a more accurate word.

 

Although his tender crush had inhabited his chest for a very long time without changing its faithful nature, a few other things _did_ change over the years. For starters, the two friends. But particularly John.

 

Let’s rephrase that. Especially John.

 

And Dave was probably the one who noticed it the most.

 

He cursed the day he began to let his hair longer than usual and how good it looked on him. He cursed the spurt he suffered from one day to another and his sudden interest on using clothes that favored his looks; his glasses now had the right size for his face, braces left him with a breathtaking smile, and being on the track team as a pastime had rewarded him with a considerable improvement in his physical condition and posture.

 

It was like if Dave had blinked and then suddenly opened up his eyes again to find out that his best friend was swapped by a teenage supermodel, one of those who appear in billboard ads laughing at nothing while eating healthily.

 

And even though that was the moment where he knew he couldn’t deny it anymore, it still took him a little longer to accept it aloud. Even to himself.

 

To be more specific, it took Dave a long and detailed session of imagination, a painful erection in his pants, and a few minutes locked inside his room, to finally accept that his love for John Egbert was not the fraternal kind at all.

 

" _I love you, I love you so much."_

 

The heat of the night filled the room even with the open windows. The low bass coming from the party outside the house was like a rhythmic rumbling hum that made walls and glass shiver.

 

Dave was bleeding. Ten minutes earlier he had started a fight.

 

With sixteen years old and little experience with alcohol, a couple of drinks were enough for him to think that mocking that senior year Makara and his "dry and boring raps" was a bright and fun idea. John had to jump in and apologize in his best friend’s behalf to save his ass before Makara and his little gang managed to break more than just his lip.

 

Disoriented and in pain, the drunk teen was dragged inside the house, and then forced to enter the first room they found in which there weren’t people fucking.

 

While John was struggling to hold Dave with one arm and look for the switch with his free hand at the same time, Dave had wrapped his arms around his neck and now he was sloppily nuzzling his cheek while muttering incriminating words.

 

"Yeah, I love you too Dave," John sighed a little annoyed. He had also drunk that night, but not nearly enough to find the situation amusing. "Help me a little here, will you? You should get some sleep. Rose’s sister will pick us up in a couple hours and she can’t see you like this."

 

"No, you don’t understand," he babbled almost upset, reaching out to hold John’s hand to prevent him from turning on the lights.

 

Doing his best to straighten up by himself, Dave closed the door behind them with unnecessary roughness, leaving the room in complete darkness. John didn’t move.

 

"Dave-"

 

"John, I love you. Like, I really really love you."

 

Throwing an arm around his shoulders, the boy let the weight of his body lead him forward, and soon his lips had encountered his friend’s. John froze for a second, but then found himself answering the kiss, causing such enthusiasm in Dave that he pushed him against the wall and clinged tightly onto his body as the kiss quickly increased its intensity.

 

Now besides the music and voices coming from outside the only sound in the room was their heavy breaths and eager mouths clashing against each other. And though he was aware that his breath probably smelled terrible, and that his lip hurt, and that his lack of experience in making out was probably more obvious than he would like to because of the alcohol in his body... during those few seconds everything seemed like a wonderful dream coming true inside his head.

 

The only thing that mattered in that moment was that he was kissing John Egbert, and John Egbert was kissing him.

 

But just as his lips had found a rhythm that seemed appropriate to court the other boy’s lips, his inspiration was cut short when two hands held him firmly by the shoulders and pushed him away.

 

"I'm sorry Dave, we’ve drunk so much, I don’t know what I am- Tomorrow you’re going to kill me for letting you do this. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry..." And even though it was dark, Dave could tell John wasn’t looking at him in the eye.

 

His gaze was fixed on the floor, and his expression showed concern, but also something similar to shame. It was as if he had truly understood what was happening and couldn’t feel worse about it.

 

And so, it was no longer the swollen lip what was hurting, no longer the wound in his mouth what was bleeding. Despite his lack of sobriety, Dave could feel every tissue of his heart being torn apart with the echo of those words resonating in his head. Because the kiss that John Egbert had just given him meant nothing.

 

Yes, perhaps _he_ had felt magic and fireworks, but for John this was just a vulgar exchange of saliva that tasted like whiskey and teenage curiosity. Nothing but simple human impulses and alcohol.

 

And Dave’s heart ached inside his chest, because in that hurried encounter of drunken lips there was not a drop of reciprocity. It was an “I love you” without its “I love you too”.

 

The next morning, the party was barely a little more than a blur in the memories of most of the attendants, but both Dave and John could at least recall three important points of that night:

 

1.- A lot of alcohol.

2.- A fight.

3.- A clandestine session of face-sucking.

 

When Dave finally managed to get out of bed with a terrible hangover hammering his head, his first instinct was to look for his phone to check the time, but he regretted that decision as soon as he found the pending messages in it.

Jade H - 02/09/13 - 9:30 a.m.

good morning dave! i know its early but I guess that with all the drinking you had last night you probably wont see this until past noon hehe. thank you for coming to my party :) 

i just wanted to let you know that you left your shades in my bedroom last night but when I found them you guys were already gone! 

im going down to the lake house with my grandpa for the next few days so ill leave them with rose on my way there and I hope she will be able to deliver them to you on monday ok? 

have a nice day <3

ps: tavros told me something about a fight? you didnt have anything to do with that did you? D:

 

All he registered from that message was that Rose had his glasses, and he knew that could only be bad news. Seeing the contact name in the following message reaffirmed his fear.

 

Rose L - 02/09/13 - 11:43 a.m.

Dear David:

I currently have in my possession a ridiculous pair of glasses that once belonged to Ben Stiller. I was wondering if the boy who is so absurdly attached to them would like to have them back. I’m sure we can figure out a fitting arrangement for this precarious situation, since you want your shades and I want some information.  

My proposal is the following: I'll return the ‘ironic’ glasses your best friend gave to you a few years ago, but in exchange you will have to tell me everything that happened when you went missing during the party.

(If you thought I would not notice you were terribly mistaken).

I believe it is a reasonable deal, wouldn’t you agree?

By the way, Jade left the city this morning, so no use trying to use her as a mediator again. Your gay ass is mine. 

Or John’s? 

I guess you’ll tell me eventually.

See you on Monday ;)

 

“That girl is the incarnation of the devil, I swear to fucking god," Dave muttered, massaging the bridge of his nose with his index and thumb.

 

Everyone knew he loved those shades immensely because he never took them off (despite his version of the story was irony), and that he would go through hell and high-water to get them back. Fuck, he would go all the way to Mordor and fight fucking Sauron himself just to get those shades back.

 

Suddenly, the phone in his hand buzzed and made a “ting!”, indicating a new message had been received. Dave's heart skipped a beat when he read the familiar name on the notification bar at the top of the phone screen. He remained paralyzed in his place for several seconds, barely breathing as he felt his heart beating hard inside his chest. The few words attached to the name weren’t specific enough. That message could say literally anything as far as he was concerned.

 

Biting his tongue with unnecessary force, he decided to open the message. Just another big mistake to add to the endless list he had started the night before.

 

John E. - 02.09.13 - 12:03 p.m.

hey dave. how’s it going? 

um… it has come to my attention that things may have transpired the other night. things that you and I are both not exactly proud of. 

i’ll be the first to admit that it was a dumb thing to do! like, probably the dumbest ever, honestly. 

i really hope we can look past it and move forward with our lives?? i think that'd be for the best. anyway, just let me know, i guess. later bro.

 

A hurtful silence filled the room as Dave read the message a second and even a third time, his hand grasping the phone tightly while resisting the urge to throw it against the nearest wall.

 

Albeit, he had to admit the message was no surprise to him. It was expected for John to reach out to him in such way, and to even approach the topic as if it were an awkward little thing he wished to move aside as soon as possible.

 

But then, if he was so sure that this would be the outcome, why did he still feel so disappointed after reading John’s message?

 

Why was his chest aching as if someone had tried to drill through it with something sharp? And why were his eyes stinging so fiercely all of a sudden?

 

Letting out an exasperated sigh, he rubbed his face impatiently with his sleeve.

 

Despite the bitter pill, Dave knew that he could not blame his friend for reacting like that. First of all, John had no idea about his feelings. The guy probably didn’t know how real the words he had told him the night before were, and he probably thought it was nothing but drunk talk.

 

Dave sighed again, this time with sadness.

 

John would never hurt him on purpose, that was clear, and as the boy remained completely ignorant to the truth, it was also clear that the only purpose behind his message was to ensure that his old and valuable friendship was not ruined by brief alcohol side effects during a party.

 

Dave stopped fiddling with his phone and unlocked it again to reply.

things? wow that sounds scandalous. sorry dude but i have no fucking idea what you are talking about. my memories of last night seem to have been yet another victim of MIB agents k and j (vodKa & Jack)

i know that was weak dont even start. im hungover ok?

i hope i didnt fuck up anything too badly... or anyone? shiiiiiiit haha. anyway im busy rn but ill call ya later to catch up with our homoerotic adventure or whatever ok? i want to know all of the nasty details. all of them. you know for the grandchildren and shit

peace bro

 

And with every word he typed his jaw clenched more, and with every letter he pressed he felt that pressure around his lungs constricting them with more and more intensity; but it wasn’t until he had sent the message that he realized he had been holding his breath the whole time.

 

Exhaling loudly through his mouth, Dave decided to wait for John’s reply standing right there, holding the phone with one hand and playing with his hair anxiously with the other one without even realizing.

 

Less than a minute later he had his answer.

 

John E. - 02.09.13 - 12:15 p.m.

hahaha shut up! that didn’t happen at all. w ell kind of. but don’t worry i swear it was nothing serious! take care of that wound i’ll talk to you later then.

 

The action of messing with his hair had stopped as soon as he got the new message, but now that he had read it, his fingers were grasping a few golden strands between them and pulling them slightly. He let his tongue out of his mouth to slide it over his lower lip and feel the swollen wound that burned with the touch.

 

The corners of his mouth were pulled back in a forced grin, remembering that his best friend had prevented him from getting his ass served by senior years in front of a good bunch of people from school.

 

"Damn it, Egbert... you really make it harsh for me," he chuckled bitterly, finally dropping both arms and letting them rest by his sides. He turned around and went to sit down on the edge of his bed to read the message once again, but while doing so he noticed there was a frown growing on his face and that his lips were pursed. A constrictor feeling of void started taking over his guts.

 

A dry silence lingered while he stared at the screen, his eyes no longer reading.

 

"Why do you have to make it so harsh for me?"

 

Two seconds later he was still sitting on the bed but now with his back slightly curved and most of his face covered with one hand, trying to fight back the tears that fogged his eyes and the quiet sobs that desperately wanted to climb up his throat. His free arm curled up around his own chest, as if he feared his own lungs and ribs would fall apart.

 

He had dreamed about telling John how he felt about him for such a long time, and now none of it mattered. His love and his pain were irrelevant now, because John didn’t want any of it.

 

He felt angry, he felt stupid. But mostly...  he felt fragile. And that just made him feel angrier and more stupid. His nails digged in the fabric of his shirt.

 

It's hard, being a kid and growing up.

 

Growing up in love with someone who will never love you the way you love them.

  
It's hard, and no one, no one understands.

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qn-z5pIe5PQ)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there you go. The first chapters are just setting some of the events that ocurred right before the actual story starts. I did my best to begin the story when drama had already stirred so I could focus more on the healing and growing up process I wanted to write about. Not that angst will be left behind though. I'm a sucker for pain as you can see in this chapter.
> 
> As I was saying at the beginning, this bit is just to see how many people are interested in a story of this kind. The last fic I uploaded was short and canon and to the point, so I don't have a good point of reference.
> 
> I had set my own deadline, so I'm hoping a new chapter will be available by September 12th. There's a lot of stuff going on in my life right now, so I would like to get a good headstart with the writing so I can start updating weekly.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
>  
> 
> xoxo Ro


	2. Trial Periods (Side Effects)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't set yourself ablaze and expect people to understand.  
> Dave learns it the hard way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I would be back on the 12th I'm so sorry. I made the mistake of reviewing the chapter last second, and I realized I still had a lot of editing to do. This is a chapter that I wrote a couple years ago, so I don't know what made me think I could just upload it without checking twice. 
> 
> I took advantage of the mini-holidays to upload (Mexico's independence day, viva mexico cabrones and all that) and I'm honestly not 1000% happy with this chapter, but I worked rlly hard on it and I don't wanna drag it on and on anymore. Pls let me know what you think.
> 
> It's important to know that the Prologue is like a landmark. A point of reference. Dave's life was pretty chill right before the kiss at the party, and everything snowballed from there. He still has one more fuck up ahead before the story can progress.
> 
> Don't worry, I'll be back next week for sure this time.
> 
> ((btw keep an eye for today's song at the end, the name of the chapter came from it for a reason))

_Chapter 2_

**Trial Periods (Side Effects)**

  
 

“It’s not because you have to. You are just doing it because you think you look fucking cool!”

 

“Karkat, shut your fucking trap,” snapped Dave while lighting a cigarette with the most unfriendly expression imaginable. It had been a long day for him. The initial metal-like savour of the tobacco tasted sweet compared to the bitterness held in his tongue.

 

“No, you shut your disgusting fucking protein-hole, Strider!”, growled back Karkat. “And don’t you dare roll your eyes at me behind your stupid pretentious sunglasses. I can see you doing it!”

 

Dave sighed heavily and closed his eyes, pressing the back of his head against the wall they were lazily leaning against while sitting on the grass.

 

He knew Karkat was worried, but he would really appreciate if he stopped sticking his nose in his poor life choices. He was aware of how poor they were and he didn’t really care. He wouldn’t be skipping Alternian History to smoke behind the gymnasium otherwise.

 

In a way, he couldn’t really blame Karkat for being so exasperated with him. He knew him well. Under that gray skin flustered with crimson rage, right below his alien ribcage, a pure and caring heart was beating almost as angrily, pumping the toughest love his teenage body could handle. The unnecessary volume spiced with weird words and offensive language were just misguiding. Even if you hadn’t met him before it would be hard to consider him a threat after a few minutes in his presence.

 

Just to start off, he was small compared to most trolls his age. And although his teeth were sharp as daggers, his horns seemed to calibrate the danger by being the shortest and nubbiest Dave had ever seen.

 

Of course, the more people commented on his inoffensive looks, the more the rage inside him would grow. But sometimes, little to nothing was necessary to make his blood boil.

 

And no one could manage to make Karkat Vantas angrier than his own best friend. He and Dave used to bicker at each other almost non-stop during their first year in highschool, but as soon as they were forced to spend time together because of friends in common, regular school activities, and a temporary “mutual girlfriend”, they realized they could handle each other pretty nicely.

 

Maybe the only reason they started to get along on the first place was that both of them were completely insufferable when the drama kings inside of them kicked in, but nevertheless, the kings and their crowns tended to clash from time to time.

 

“We were pretty clear on the matter," Karkat tried again when he saw no response from him. He tried his best to keep his cool this time, but Dave immediately caught on that intentional not-so-anonymous ‘we'. “We didn’t want to be nosy and question your reasons to start going out with Rose and her college friends every goddamn weekend. We didn’t even ask you to stop doing it when we knew how much you were drinking. That’s because we trust your judgement, and as your friends we didn’t want to boss you around. We imagined you would be smart about it and stop if it started getting out of hand…”

 

Karkat made a small pause, almost as if he was hoping he would say something and stop him from sounding like a disappointed parent.

 

But Dave remained quiet. Karkat sighed.

 

“But here I _fucking_ am now, aren’t I?”

 

Almost as if he was doing it out of spite, Dave took another drag from the cigarette between his fingers while avoiding eye contact at all costs. Karkat awaited his response as patiently as he could, clawing some of the grass around him and clenching his jaw.

 

“Man, I don’t even drink that much now anyway.” he finally muttered. A half-assed apology in his own terms.

 

He hated that his two best friends knew about that. He hated that he was stupid enough not to hide it better. But he especially hated that one of them was the main reason he started his already-expected-to-be destructive escapades, and yet “he” remained as clueless as always, only getting almost as overbearing as Karkat was at times, asking uncomfortable questions, making him feel bad for a self-hatred he could not control.

 

Dave assumed Karkat would be livid about his response, so he was understandably surprised when he just heard him sigh deeply.

 

From the corner of his eye, he could see Karkat was looking straight ahead with a defeated expression, his elbow pressed against the top of his folded legs to support his chin with his palm.

 

“Switching alcohol for cigarettes isn’t what I call an improvement, you know?”

 

Now it was Dave’s turn to feel angry. And he felt angry because he wasn’t even allowed to do so.

 

There he was again, trying to excuse his disgusting “new” habits to his best friend who could see through all his facade. There he was again, pretending everything was fine when he knew more than anyone that he hated drinking and smoking but he only did it to numb and ease his mind. And there he fucking was yet fucking again, making his friends worry because he couldn’t get his shit together.

 

Because he didn’t want to get his shit together.

 

He had grown fond of the idea of self-destruction. And he felt disgusted with himself because of it.

 

“I guess I should find more constructive ways to be an asshole, huh?” he said looking at the lit cigarette burning down slowly. “Kinda like the edgy kid from The Breakfast Club. He got detention for pulling a fire alarm or some bratty shit like that. I guess that is more fun for everyone. I mean, more fun than some guy puking his brains out or getting lung cancer." Karkat didn’t move an inch. Dave’s expression changed. He seemed thoughtful. “But now that I think about it, I’m probably the goth chick in that movie. Oh fuck, I totally am. She literally just showed up for detention because she had nothing better to do. Like, what the fuck, dude? It’s saturday morning, what’s wrong with you? All of it, apparently. All of the things were wrong with her. And with that movie, really. The teacher was particularly fucked up, going all power-hungry psycho over some teens. Why is this movie still considered a piece of cinematic history, again? I could never wrap my head around that."

 

He noticed Karkat was looking away again, he didn’t even seem to be listening. Normally, Dave’s random criticism over movies would start him up immediately, but apparently not even Karkat’s favorite things to rant about were going to get them out of that awkward hole they had dug in for themselves.

 

Suddenly feeling incredibly exhausted, Dave pressed his unfinished cigarette against the ground and then shoot it away with two fingers. Karkat stared at where the remains had landed, getting lost among the tall grass a few feet away from them.

 

But he was still quiet. 

 

Dave figured avoiding the issue wasn’t going to get them anywhere at this point.

 

“I just can’t stop thinking about it, you know?” the yellow alternian eyes finally turned to look at him. “It’s been so long, and it feels like a curse. It just doesn’t go away.”

 

“It will, eventually,” assured Karkat scratching his cheek and fixing his gaze on Dave’s knees. “Just give it time.”

 

Dave bit back his tongue for a moment. When he talked again he was able to maintain the same volume, but this time his bitterness seemed to underline every word.

 

“It’s been seven years since I met him. If seven years weren’t enough to get over it, what could possibly change now?” without giving the other boy time to reply, his expression darkened. “He seems happy enough holding hands with Serket.”

 

“Alright, stop. Just fucking stop.”

 

Dave's jealous rant died before it started. He looked at Karkat, who was standing up and brushing off the bunches of grass he had mindlessly stirred from the ground and accidentally dropped on his lap. Dave watched him clean himself up and then look at him straight in the eye.

 

His expression wasn’t hard to read. He was really angry.

 

“If you want to destroy your life because of an unrequited crush you’ve had apparently since you stopped shitting in wiggler underwear, be my fucking guest.” He raised both arms in the air and then dropped them as a dramatic sign of surrender. “But don’t expect me to be around to hear about it any longer, and don’t expect me to stay to watch this pathetic self-pity show you set up for yourself either.” the more he talked, the more his anger seemed to build up. His hands had turned into fists, and his voice was getting louder. “And I don’t want you to think I’m saying this just because I’m fed up with it, or just because you’ve talked my sound-chutes off about your broken heart since the moment I called you my friend! I am angry, and I am walking away as soon as I finish screaming at your grossly pale human face, because you care about John not loving you the way you want SO MUCH that you don’t give a shit about anything else! You don’t give a shit about you, nor the people who actually give a shit!”

 

Although his words were crude, Dave knew how true they were. But it hurt to hear. It cut deep that the fed-up person yelling at him was his best friend.

 

Clearly, if anyone was going to tell him off fare and square, it was going to be Karkat.

 

Unable to say a word, he just looked at those amber eyes staring back at him. Karkat didn’t expect a reply, but he still waited, probably to make sure it was okay for him to turn away and leave without another word.

 

Maybe he was expecting an apology. But Dave didn’t open his mouth, and Karkat accepted his defeat.

 

It was time to leave.

 

And so he did. Dave barely managed to open his mouth, failing to call his name as he was hit by a very painful wave of emotions he didn’t want to deal with. He wanted to change his mindset and his situation more than anyone, but he had no idea how. He felt completely lost. Even though he wanted to fix things, he didn’t know where to start.

 

He never blamed Karkat for storming out that day. He also never resented the cold indifference he adopted after that.

 

Little by little, he started setting distance between them that would increase each day. And he knew Karkat wouldn’t want to hear a word from him until he managed to get his shit together. But what Karkat didn’t know was that, for Dave Strider, the sole idea of leading a life where the entire universe didn’t revolve around John Egbert seemed ridiculous, if not impossible.

 

With every day that went by, Karkat would grow more and more resentful, assuming Dave didn’t care about his friendship enough. Eventually, he would delete him from his social media, and he would blatantly ignore him if they ever hung out with their group of friends.

 

Hurt, but still unsure of what to do, Dave would find other friends, and would only occasionally hang out with his original gang when Karkat wasn’t around.

  
Because what is teenagehood if you don’t unintentionally make personal drama as awkward as possible for others, right?

[[S]](https://hiimcase.bandcamp.com/track/trialperiods-side-effects)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \-------- PSA --------
> 
> Please, listen to that song at the end because not only it's a great song that breaks my heart every time and that fits Dave just right in this chapter, but it's also my favorite song right now and my friend Case did an amazing job on it. You might know him from the Homestuck fandom as Karkat's popular VA. His album came out a couple months ago so why not go grab it too?? (X)
> 
> \---- END OF PSA -----
> 
> Ah man, it was sad to write this one. This is Dave's rockbottom. 
> 
> I know no one in their right mind likes Dave and Karkat not talking but this had to happen in order for Dave to wake up. Next chapters take place in the original timeline, meaning, no more crucial memories left. Time to see the aftermath of these bad decisions.
> 
> Next chapter, for sure, next week. Either Friday, Saturday or Sunday. 
> 
> Again, I'm so sorry I took so long. Thank you for reading, and specially for the comments <3 You are all so patient and kind ;-;
> 
> Xoxo Ro


	3. Friends With Benefits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time has gone by.  
> Dave has discovered you can't die of a heartbreak, and his partner in crime gives him interesting news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a rough week ngl. I have to work in a little bit but I promised weekly updates for sure this time so. No more excuses. 
> 
> As you can already tell, I'm devoted to this Dave's story now. Idk I'm a sucker for healthy friendships and brotherhood, so there are other people in this story who play important roles in Dave's recovery. The story progresses normally from now on. Karkat will show up in time and hopefully you'll see why. 
> 
> ____
> 
>  **DISCLAIMER: The family trees are a little different in this fic, I had to accomodate everything according to the kind of relationships/situations I needed so. No incest.**  
>  Choose my reply corresponding to your feelings about this:  
> a) You're welcome  
> b) I'm sorry
> 
> ***EDIT: PLS READ THE EXTRA NOTES AT THE END AFTER READING

_Chapter 3_

**Friends With Benefits**

 

 

Ten months went by.

 

Winter was approaching fast, and the holidays weren’t that far away either. Many schools had started putting more pressure on students because of the upcoming midterm exams, and most seniors would probably suffer from the extra stress of having both exams and life-changing decisions to make through the rest of the school year.

 

But it would be good to emphasize, only _most_ of them.

 

“No, no- Rose. Rose, listen. Listen okay? Rose, seriously. Listen. I swear to fucking god. I’m not making this shit up.”

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“LISTEN. It was totally a thing that happened, okay? I swear the goddamn clock went back a fucking minute just now. It was an accident, but I can do it again, I can do it again, watch, watch… just a second… I just need to concentrate real good…  Rose! Rose, where are you going??”

 

“Dave, you’re high as a rocketship going out to outer space.” she snorted, standing up from the bed to pick up the underwear she had dropped next to it.

 

As she put on the matching lacy bra and panties, Dave had gone back to looking at his phone screen with all the intensity he was capable of. Every now and then the screen would go black, and he would curse under his breath and press the menu button to bring back the digital clock.

 

It was three in the afternoon, a windy Friday inside a messy bedroom. Dave’s messy bedroom, to be exact. He and his partner in crime had decided to leave school early, right after lunch. Rose’s dealer agreed to meet them at the Seven Eleven’s parking lot at noon, which was great timing given the fact that they could easily take a taxi to Dave’s building and then have the apartment all to themselves to smoke and have sex at least until 4.

 

An ideal Friday afternoon.

 

Rose, curvy with big thighs and extra fat on her tummy, was both Dave’s personal nightmare and the only person he couldn’t lie to at all. Not because he didn’t try though, the girl simply had the ability to see through Dave’s most elaborated rouses and ironic bs right away. When they were kids, Dave used to hate that with all his might, and he would constantly demonize her or get angry at her. But now that they had grown up, and he constantly had things to hide from the rest of his friends, Rose had become something similar to his own moirail.

 

Although, getting technical, moirails were merely platonic and didn’t have casual sex every week.

 

Maybe “partner in crime” was just right.

 

“Rose, are you even fucking looking?” the Dave grumbled without taking his eyes off of the phone screen. “This is some big shit happening right here.”

 

“A stoned white boy staring at his phone? Call the press.” she giggled. She always giggled when she smoked. Dave always found it endearing, but he would never tell. Rose would most definitely find a way to use it against him somehow.

 

“Ha ha ha. So funny. Let’s see who’s laughing when you see me on the news. Fucking cool Master of Time. Probably ate radioactive cereal or some shit.”

 

“I do not consider myself wise in the lore of comic books and superheroes… but wouldn’t eating radioactive cereal just give you cereal powers?” She looked at herself in a full-body mirror nearby to fix her short blond hair, then proceeded to clean the black smudges of eyeliner under her eyes with the tip of her index.

 

“No of course n-” he stopped mid-sentence. Two seconds later he raised his eyebrows. “Uh. Actually, you know what? That sounds fucking amazing. That’s probably the best superpower anyone could ever have.”

 

From the mirror Rose could see Dave was still monitoring the clock on his phone, but now he had a surprised expression that was mildly adorable. She had to laugh to herself again before making her way through the Strider’s copyrighted bedroom mess to find the rest of her clothes. While she was struggling to put on her pink skirt, she remembered something.

 

“Oh yeah, my sister is throwing a beach party tonight,” she said casually. “It’s going to be pretty small, only close friends. If you feel like your time traveling adventures can be postponed for this mere commoners festivity, we would be pleased to have you.”

 

“Woah, woah, woah.” Dave finally stopped looking at his phone to address her a very offended look. “Who said anything about time traveling? Rose, have you been even listening to half of the shit I’ve been saying?”

 

“Barely.”

 

“I’m no stupid Marty Mcfly, girl. I’m no weird-ass immortal Who Doctor Man, alright?” Rose rolled her eyes and started putting on her shoes. She also made a mental note to open the window before leaving so fresh air could start circulating in the room. It was going to take Strider some time to come back down. “I said, and I quote. I will be the King of Time.”

 

“You said Master.” She corrected calmly while putting an arm through her black blouse.

 

“What?”

 

“You said Master of Time, earlier.”

 

“You are missing my point.” quickly collecting his thoughts after that slip, he dismissed Rose’s correction with a hand movement. “What I meant was, I control time. That’s what I did with the clock just now, you saw it. I ain’t traveling through the time and space continuum trying to fix alternate timelines that Doc and the assholes from The Butterfly Effect fucked up. All these amateurs don’t know the amount of doomed timelines they are creating with their hilarious slash egoistic shenanigans. Someone has to make these time travelers stop once and for all. Speeding up and speeding down time ain’t time traveling. We have a universe to keep together, Rose. This ain’t Saving New York 101. We are talking about something bigger than you and I, even bigger than fucking Jupiter here. And you know how much of a fucking measurement for disaster Jupiter is in the metrical system. No. Fuck that. I’m talking about reality itself. The thing that connects all universes together. And me, of course, the hero of the story. The one and only Guy Of Time, leading us to victory to destroy the creator of all-”

 

“Are you going to keep this going any longer? I have business to attend.” Rose was finally at the door, fully dressed and with her arms crossed, a purple bag hanging from her arm.

 

Anyone can tolerate a stoned rant only for so long, but Rose was not bothered. She was used to Dave’s long expositions about nothing in particular.

 

“Sorry. Go on.” Although not in his five senses, Dave had developed an ability to detect when it was time to be serious. Even if only for a moment. He took a second to recall the conversation and snapped his fingers. “Right, party! Who, when, where.”

 

“I’m glad you are willing to sacrifice this amazing epic you have just illustrated for me. I feel honored.” A smirk blossomed from her dark lips. “To answer your questions in order: Our friends, essentially. Around 7:00 in the evening. At the usual spot for the campfire. And I’m not sure if you must bring something, but I am positive you shouldn’t bring the rest of the weed with you.”

 

“Does that mean Jade and John are going?”

 

“Why wouldn’t they?”

 

“I guess you are right. That was a stupid question...”

 

There was a small pause. Dave looked disperse, lost in his thoughts while he looked through the window Rose had opened while he was ranting about his imaginary time powers. It was hard to tell if he was just thinking or spacing out.

 

Rose stared at him. She considered saying goodbye and leaving right there, but she couldn’t bite her tongue on time. There was something she wanted to make sure to mention before going home.

 

“You know they’re not dating anymore, right?”

 

“Uh?” Dave looked back at her, as if he was trying to understand what she had just said. He then faked surprise. “Holy shit, Jade and John broke up??” Rose held back a smile and raised an eyebrow, pretending to be unamused. “When did they even start dating??? This is outrageous. No one tells me anything anymore. Wait. Aren’t they cousins? I mean I try to be open-minded about most weird shit but that’s just fucked up. What’s gonna happen to the children they’re not having anymore? No one thinks about the children, Rose.”

 

“He and Serket, funny Time Hero.” They both knew what she meant from the start.

 

“It’s Hero of Time for you, ma’am.” Rose placed a hand on her hip and rested all her weight on one of her legs. The eyebrow perked up a little more over her eye. Dave smirked. “I know. Don’t worry about it. Thanks for the heads up though.”

 

A wave of relief seemed to take over Rose. Even though she was never vocal about her true feelings, it looked like she was somehow grateful Dave had responded the way he did. He was calm. Almost like if he had always known that moment would come. But he didn’t show any sign of being hopeful either.

 

Dave could tell Rose was wondering if he had finally come to terms with staying away from John and his romantic life, but a part of her still thought that didn’t make any sense. Who knew? Maybe he had just gotten really skilled at pretending to be calm and collected when talking about John’s love life, but maybe he had done some growing up in that matter.

 

He gave her a lazy half-smile, and Rose seemed to feel more at ease. Dave had the impression that if it weren’t because the door she was about to exit through was closer than the bed she had left behind, she would have probably given in to the impulse of caressing his cheek affectionately. He was glad she didn't.

 

“My pleasure.” she finally said, turning around to grab the knob and open the door a little. “Tell Bro I say hi.” 

 

And with that simple sentence, a shiver ran through Dave’s spine and his smile was replaced with a repulsed expression in a matter of seconds.

 

“Oh My. Fucking. God.” he hissed between his teeth, narrowing his hateful eyes. Rose paused her way out and smirked. “Why you gotta do that? It’s so creepy when you do that!"

 

Making Dave lose his cool was one of Rose’s favorite pastimes, no questions asked, but they were both aware that her current urge to pick on him was more leaning onto disguising her previous access of family-like fondness with a smokescreen. It was almost instinctive for them to try to cover up their accidental displays of affection with either irony or passive aggressive comments, but today, she had picked “bringing up things Dave didn't want to think about”.

 

“Why are you so upset? I’ve told you many times, my fixation with your older brother has nothing to do with our shared lack of a fatherly figure or that he always treated me like a Strider.” after saying that, the smile on her lips only widened. "Although considering the little information we have about your male progenitor, and that mine has been awol for almost a decade, I guess the situation does raise a couple of hypothetical questions we could all openly discuss as adults, don’t you think?”

 

“I thought you were leaving????”

 

That was exactly why she was his personal nightmare. Even though now they got along pretty nicely, from time to time she would do or say the weirdest things to set him off. Any psychological matter would do, but the incest thing in particular was a recurring joke of hers.

 

“I don’t know Dave, I think we should consider the possibility, given our current… benefits.” she continued talking to herself while pretending to be in deep thought. “Maybe I am the Striders’ long lost sister after all and my thirst for my own blood is showing…”

 

“WE JUST HAD SEX!” Dave yelled on his desperate attempt to make the girl shut up. “You were LITERALLY riding me 30 minutes ago! Why do you always have to ruin everything!?

 

Rose just chuckled, but she made sure to send him a kiss right before leaving the room and close the door behind her.

 

A flustered and annoyed Dave Strider let himself fall onto the pillows. He covered his face with one and groaned.

 

“...I should probably consider a DNA test one of these days.”

 

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i5LLxW0E_eE)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***EDIT: Sorry if anyone is weirded out by Dave/Rose. I would like to point out it isn't an important thing in the rest of story. I just didn't want them to be brother and sister and it's a type of relationship that i really wanted to write, but i promise it's not gonna interfere with davekat, nor to show up again as anything else but a reference (if any)
> 
> ___
> 
> ((I couldn't find a song about friends with benefits that wasn't super sexual or mysoginistic as hell so I guess Saving Abel will have to do))
> 
> Something silly for now. I love canon references and friends having sex just because they can, what can i say. Also, next chapter is all about that Strider love. Hope you like your Striders taking care of each other and shit. There's a lot of that in this fic.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Pls lemme know what you think. I appreciate comments and thoughts and suggestions. Don't leave me wondering ;o; 
> 
> Imma lie down for a few minutes before work.
> 
> See ya next week.
> 
> xo. Ro.


	4. The Middle Of The Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enter Dirkjake sads and brotherhood bonds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to update today because I had the craziest weekend but next week is gonna be crazier. I know I'm already taking my sweet ass time with the pace in this story and I'm sorry but man I said to myself I wouldn't publish this thing unless I was 1000% happy with it and I honestly am so far. I'm putting soul and heart and blood onto it so.
> 
> Hope I haven't bored everyone else yet.
> 
> Have some boys I deeply care about and my Bro Strider who wasn't raised like a savage and doesn't traumatize children forever.

_Chapter 4_

**The Middle Of The Ride**

 

Two hours later, a sobered up young man exited his bedroom. He had taken a shower, put on a red flannel over a white t-shirt, added some old jeans and sneakers, and now also had his shades back on where they belonged.

 

When he stepped out he found the apartment as silent as it was in the morning, when he had dragged himself out of bed to get some cereal in a cup because all the bowls were dirty.

 

It was weird for the place to be so quiet at that hour. Normally there would be some noise coming from the TV, or at least music or metalworking-like sounds coming from someone’s room. But not today.

 

The Strider’s common room was formed by a mix between a living room, a dining room, and a kitchen. The kitchen area was only separated by a ninety degree angle of counters and cabinets, and it was in the farthest corner from Dave’s room. The center of the high-ceiling chamber was occupied by a table and several chairs with a big furry mat under it, while an enormous flat-screen was located on the wall between Dave’s bedroom and the only shared bathroom. There were several video game consoles in the cabinet below, and the empty dark sofa before it still had some dirty clothes pending laundry day stashed on one of the seats. The coffee table in the middle only served as feet-rester and occasionally as a snack table.

 

When Dave looked around he found himself with almost the exact same scene he had witnessed when Rose and he arrived around one o’clock. The only difference in the setting since that morning was the man sitting at the dinner table with his laptop, wearing only red trousers and a gray hoodie. His eyes were fixed on the screen, one hand using the mousepad, the other shoving cheerios into his mouth from the opened cereal box trapped between his legs.

 

“... Did you just wake up?” asked Dave trying to hide his concern. He had been sure Bro was at work while Rose was over, but his clothes and food choice gave a different impression.

 

“Hmmm?” the adult barely looked at him, almost as if he was just realizing there was another person there. “Oh…” He then noticed his own clothes and the cereal box. “Nah. I just came back from work. Changed to my PJ’s, grabbed some lunch.”

 

“Gotcha.”

 

Making sure to keep a blank expression, Dave headed to the kitchen feeling relieved. If Bro had stayed home he would’ve known Rose and Dave had skipped the last classes to hang out in his room. And Bro wasn’t too hard on him about homework or permissions, but ditching school to do illegal things with a childhood friend he also knew very well was probably crossing a line.

 

Dave opened the fridge and took a quick look at the contents inside. There were only some eggs, half a gallon of milk, a big bottle of orange soda, and something similar to cheesecake remains in a box. He scrunched up his nose displeased. Nothing seemed appealing enough for a quick lunch before a party.

 

“Weren’t you going to go grocery shopping after work or something?” Dave inquired closing the refrigerator door and turning around to face his brother and guardian.

 

Bro was the forgetful kind of adult Child Services would have loved to hunt down if it weren’t because both Dave and his brother Dirk were always smart enough to figure out a lot of stuff themselves.

 

“Ah yeah, sorry.” he mumbled not looking away from the screen and munching on more cereal. “I didn’t have time. We are behind in some of the content for the website. It’s supposed to come out on Christmas, but at this rate I don’t think this shit will be done by Valentine’s.”

 

Dave sighed. He wasn’t interested in having a chat about the process of making Bro’s internet content, and he was aware he was running out of time if he wanted to take the bus and eat something downtown before the party.

 

Suddenly, the idea of meeting with John there and getting food together sparked in his brain.

 

He smiled to himself.

 

Any excuse to see John was a good excuse, especially since he had gotten himself a girlfriend. Besides, if what Rose had said was true, then they did have some catching up to do anyway.

 

“Well, I’m gonna see some friends at the beach, dude. I need some moola to at least eat on the way. Care to throw me a dime here?”

 

“No can’t do, kid. I don’t have any change on me.” As if he knew his brother’s eyes had lost all sight happiness within a second, he dared to add, “There’s a Benji in my wallet though, if you think you can survive with that.”

 

Dave’s face unconsciously lighted up, but he kept his voice calmed.

 

“I mean, I guess I can manage for now.”

 

“In my jacket’s inner pocket.” he said, leaning back on the chair and being completely aware Dave was already heading to the coat-hanger next to the door.

 

The coat-hanger normally only held Bro’s jacket, and also a couple of his caps. Next to it, where you would expect to find umbrellas, there were two skateboards resting against the wall, and a key holder.

 

All the walls in that room were decorated with colorful posters and some paintings the Striders had made themselves, showing their interests in puppets, horses, and rap music, among other things. A few of those paintings could have been considered good -mostly the ones that had horses on them-, but the irony of how horrendous some of them were, was exactly the reason to frame them and put them up there.

 

Once Dave put back the wallet in the jacket’s pocket and turned around, he found Bro standing before the kitchen counters, pouring coffee in a mug with an exhausted absent expression.

 

That was a rare sight. Normally, filming and coding for his web of perverted internet fans was a walk in the park for him, but it was easy to tell when work was piling up. He had even moved to a little office and hired a few people who shared his weird “ironic” interest in puppets once the site had grown too much for him to manage by himself. But sometimes, it was clearly still not enough.

 

The Striders’ mom had gotten a job in a big European company several years ago, and her motherly instincts didn’t seem to go farther than calling once a month to check up on the children she had left behind. Sometimes Bro would refer to her as “The Old Hag”, but never really said anything bad about her. She did pay for their school and food, after all.

 

At that point of his life Dave didn’t really have a strong opinion on his mother anymore, but he truly felt like Bro was the only person taking care of them since they were little, even before they moved in with him.

 

In his own particular way, that is.

 

Dave suddenly felt a self-guilt-tripping vermin inside of him. The type that you don’t see coming but still crawls under your skin as awkwardly and uncomfortably as possible, until it stings hard and you finally have to give up and accept that you are the lowest kind of being to ever exist on earth.

 

He was on his way to a beach party after skipping classes and doing nothing all day but smoke and have sex while his guardian was busting his ass off to keep his online business going, and therefore, all the cool things that made their lives so nice and easy.

 

Also he had just given Dave a hundred bucks just for his own recreational purposes, so that didn’t help the vermin feel any sympathy for him.

 

Bro wasn’t even paying attention to him, and yet Dave made sure to look down and stare at his own feet through his already shady sunglasses like if he was being scolded.

 

“Um… do you want me to buy anything, by the way?” Dave asked, unsure if he could be of any use at times like these. “I was thinking of getting some Chinese food at Yang’s on the way back.”

 

Bro took a few seconds to answer, he was too focused in not burning his mouth while slowly taking a sip from his steaming coffee. Once he drank a little bit, he exhaled in relief and then scratched the back of his head lazily.

 

“Sounds good.” he went back to sit on the chair again, but his expression changed. He looked worried all of a sudden. He slowly put the mug on the table. “Although, you know what? Can I ask you a favor?”

 

Dave noticed Bro had sent a quick look towards Dirk’s bedroom before looking back at him. He made a movement with his hand, signaling him to get closer. Dave did, now feeling uneasy.

 

“What time are you getting back?”

 

“Umm… I dunno. Late’ish? Rose didn’t mention at what time it would be over.” Dave realized they were whispering. “Why are we-”

 

“Do you think you can take Ponyboy with you?”

 

“Uh?” Dave blinked slowly, trying to understand the petition before asking. “Why would I take him with me? It’s Roxy’s party. He is going anyway... isn’t he?”

 

Bro didn’t reply. Instead, he just shrugged slowly while making a face a person would make if they had already faced tragedy and could only hope for the best.

 

Dave payed closer attention to Dirk’s door. It was closed, with its stickers of different shapes, colors and sizes decorating most of it.

 

Nothing out of the ordinary.

 

But then he realized. There was a black cap Dirk almost never wore hanging from the knob, his personal “Do Not Disturb” sign.

 

Dave’s mouth went dry.

 

“...Has he… been here the whole day?” he muttered trying to hide his alarmed tone of voice. “I thought he would be getting home around this time.”

 

“He called me this morning,” Bro sighed crossing his arms, looking towards the door as well. His voice was still barely a murmur, too concerned to notice Dave was panicking a little inside. “Said he wasn’t feeling too fly, asked me if it was ‘kay for him to go home. I said sure thing kiddo, get home and rest some if you need it. I think he got here around eleven.”

 

“I see.” Dave nodded, faking severe concern. It was hard to focus on the matter because he was still trying to digest Dirk had been there almost all day, including when he and Rose had sex on the sofa, then watched tv naked, and then got high and had loud sex again in his bedroom.

 

“When I got home I tried to check on him but…” Bro looked at him again, and Dave could feel his nervousness fade away as he started to understand why Bro was worried.

 

“Is it the same thing?” he asked unsure if he really wanted to know.

 

“He didn’t tell. But I guess it’s an easy guess, huh?” he smiled sadly for a moment, and then tried to sit down properly on the chair, as if he was trying to establish a more professional conversation to make his request. “Do me a solid, kid. Take ‘im with you, will you? I mean, I respect wanting to sulk at shit like this and all that but, I don’t think it’s healthy at this point. He’ll feel better if he takes his mind off of it.”

 

“Yeah, well…” Dave hesitated. Bro seemed so hopeful it would’ve been shitty to say no. “Sure. I guess I’ll try to drag him out somehow.”

 

“Atta boy!” a firm pat on his shoulder, followed by a gentle squeeze in appreciation. “Thanks, kid. Share the Benji and get some food together, tell him he can take you both in the car as long as he brings you back before three.”

 

“Roger, Bro.”

 

Dave would be the first person to say his family was weird and kind of dysfunctional, but he would also be the first person to argue that Bro was a big fluffy guardian dog taking care of his puppies with teeth and claws. Being spoiled rotten was an unrelated matter.

 

“Okay. Off I go, I guess.”

 

Dave eyed Bro briefly pulling a thumbs up at him as he walked towards Dirk’s bedroom. He really wasn’t feeling up to facing the embarrassing conversation that was probably bound to happen, but he was hoping the pressing matter would be so important they would have to forget about Dave’s mischief long enough to get to the party and have some fun. Dirk was definitely more familiar with his bad habits than Bro was, but he was unsure if he wanted to know what he thought of them.

 

He entered the bedroom after knocking a few times and getting no response, as expected. Inside, he found the regularly organized mess that was Dirk’s lair.

 

Everything was piled up in weird convenient places, whether they were clothes, spare parts, boxes, mechanical tools, books, and even trash. There were some smuppets here and there, a tall robotic figure under construction in the corner, a ton of posters on the walls, and an unfinished cubique machine over the computer desk. It had wires coming out of it, and a bunch of tiny screws and their screwdriver were lying next to it while the computer screen showed a complicated diagram.

 

Although the only other person in the room was clearly buried under a bundle of black covers with a blue horse print on them, Dave could still have a glimpse of some golden hair like his own, and the light coming from a cellphone screen.

 

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?” he inquired frowning without realizing. That wasn’t the most uplifting sight to have when you were trying to take someone to a party. “Aren’t you going to get ready for Roxy’s thing?”

 

An annoyed grunt was heard from under the covers. There was some rustling, and then Dirk was sitting on the bed before him with an exasperated expression. His hair was messed up and he had left his sunglasses on the nightstand, but to Dave’s surprise, he wasn’t wearing pajamas like Bro nor the clothes he wore to school in the morning. Actually, based on the fact that he was wearing his favorite black tank top, and his lucky wine-colored pants, it would be safe to assume he had gotten ready to go out at some point during the day.

 

“I don’t fucking know, okay? I’m still figuring it out.”

 

Physically, the similarities between the three brothers were evident: The three of them had the same bright golden hair and dark red eyes, not to mention the stoic look they would wear almost at all times under their peculiar choice of sunglasses.

 

Although Dave had always been a little different.

 

He had freckles on his face and shoulders, his hair and brows were thicker, and his nose was roundier, while his two brothers shared the same sharp long nose and strong jaw.

 

Personality-wise, the three of them shared a lot of particular traits, but once again, Dirk and Bro seemed to have almost identical interests, although at different levels of devotion. It was almost as if they were the same person, but ten years apart.

 

There were also some strong differences in their personalities at times. Bro was drier and probably the most cool-headed one of the three, and Dave had settled in his own head for the funniest and most charming a long time ago. Dirk was the most passionate one when it came down to stuff he liked, especially creating things. In Bro’s own words, he was a mix between Albert Einstein, Hemingway, and Romeo: A brilliant, poetic, and very intense idiot.

 

“Did something happen?” Dave asked, trying to be cautious. Something in his brother’s expression and his tone of voice showed he was very distressed.

 

Dirk noticed Dave had changed his previous approach, so he also decided to tune it down a notch. Sighing quietly, he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

 

“Roxy has been texting me all day about the goddamn party since I left the school.” He admitted not looking at Dave in the eye anymore. His voice sounded exhausted, and his eyes were somber, “I don’t want to let her down but. Shit, man. I just don’t wanna see his stupid goofball face there.” He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled a couple strands a little before letting go. “He kept ignoring me this morning when I tried to talk things out and it drove me fucking insane. I can’t take it. I just can’t. I suck at this shit and I don’t wanna try anymore.”

 

Dave felt his own mood cloud up a little. He didn’t really want to ask more in fear of upsetting Dirk further, so he decided to take a different route, trying to look casual and sticking his hands inside his pockets.

 

“Look, man. Imma tell you as it is real quick, okay?” he saw a cocked eyebrow, but decided to continue nevertheless, “Roxy is throwing this bomb party at the beach tonight and it’s probably one of the last few days we’ll have with no tundra-esque freezing fucking cold. She invited a shit ton of cool people we both like, and we gonna drink and maybe even dance and have stupid fun, right?”

 

“That’s not the-”

 

“Totally agree. Shit’s fucked. But give me a sec, okay? First of all, let me remind you that Doctor McGoof is irrelevant in this equation. I’m gonna make sure we stay the hell away from his dorky ass, and that we have a super suave time with a bunch of hotties.” Dirk was about to intervene again, so he quickly stopped him by raising a finger at him. “And if by any chance you feel like you don’t wanna be there anymore, I swear to Troll Snoop Barkbeast, we can go home right away.”

 

Whatever thing Dirk had been meaning to say evaporated from his mouth. A brief and tiny smile appeared on his lips, apparently moved by Dave’s words. Or maybe amused by him unironically idolizing that trollian slam poet. He remained quiet for a little longer, until he reached out for his glasses and put them on.

 

“Alright, what-the-fuck-ever. Let’s get wasted.”

 

“Fuuuuck yeaah! Now we’re talking!” the Dave beamed, excited one more time. He took out the bill he had grabbed from Bro’s jacket and showed it to Dirk proudly, like a trophy. “But first, we are getting some fat nasty burgers. It’s my treat, but you gotta drive my licenseless booty there.”

 

“So you got yourself money AND a ride. No wonder you are so eager to go to the party.” he rolled his eyes behind his glasses, before he left the bed and grabbed a sweater from his wardrobe. “As if you hadn’t partied enough today while at home.”

 

Dave froze immediately. Dirk just calmly put on his sweater, and when he looked back he seemed pleased with his reaction.

 

Dave was horrified.

 

“Please don’t tell Bro.” he managed to whisper. “I swear we don’t do it that often and-”

 

“Don’t worry,” he walked towards the door and patted him on the back when he passed him by, “I swear I won’t say a word as long as you keep your promise of leaving the party if shit gets awkward.”

 

A sigh of relief.

 

“Totally, man. Don’t sweat it.”

 

“I don’t know why you are afraid of me telling, though. Half of the building probably knows too. You should worry about them instead.”

 

Regret.

 

“Shut up.” Dave hissed as he turned red and left the room with him.

 

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FV-HPOHu8mY)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next weekend is gonna be super crazy too but hopefully I'll be back with a chapter for this fic and the first mini-fic chapter. Not sure if you remember (or read it) but some side-ships will get their own mini fics. Dirkjake is the first one. So technically, if everything goes as planned, you get two chapters at once next time.
> 
> Wish me luck.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Please consider commenting or reviewing or even critizing since i'm starving for writing validation and honest-to-god improvement.
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
> xo. Ro


	5. Ground Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's party time.  
> Dirkjake lingers, a wild ex-best friend appears, and Dave tries to embrace unrequited love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Three things:**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> 1) I'm back from my trip. The last month has been a mix of the best and the worst days of this year for me, so sorry for the delay. I'm extremely exhausted and I know most of my readers are already tired of the lack of Davekat so I guess the sooner we get this chapter out of the way the sooner y'all get what you came for.
> 
> Hope you like this one regardless though. I had a ton of fun writing it. I also allowed myself to have some silly fun with today's song.
> 
>  
> 
> 2) If you wonder why it took me two weeks to come back it's because I posted a Dirkjake mini-fic as background for this fic. If you wanna know the details on the Dirkjake situation I'm leaving the link at the end. Be warned tho, it's super cheesy.
> 
>    
>  _3) **** Some extra warnings/notes: There's underage casual drinking ahead.****_  
>  _Also, as an adult, I do not fully approve of Rose and Dave's "older friends" and their regular group activities, however, this story is based on a ton of real experiences, so I guess sorry if it's weird for some people since the legal age of drinking in USA is 21 and not 18 like here. jsyk at this point the kids are 17 and almost 18_

_Chapter 5_

**Ground Zero**

 

It took around two hours for the Striders to get some food, eat, and then finally head to the beach party. They spent a good amount of that time together just talking about mundane things, but Dave could tell his brother was already appreciating the company.

 

He felt happy seeing Dirk smiling and laughing casually again. It had been a grim month for him after all. He had spent most of that time just closed in his bedroom by himself. 

 

As they approached the beach spot, driving through a long serpent-like highway leaving town, a conversation that had started with recalling an old embarrassing crush of Dave’s began to derail.

 

“Man, speaking about Jane and your smooth operator babbling skills…” Dave leaned back on the copilot’s seat and grunted while covering his face with one hand. “What even happened with you and John? I don’t think I’ve even heard you mention him in a while.”

 

“Well…” Dave shrugged a little. “Life, I guess.” He couldn’t see Dirk’s eyebrows from that angle, but he was sure they were high and arched like a yellow rainbow of disbelief. “I mean, we are still friends and all. But you do know he was snogging a Serket for like the whole year, right?”

 

“Oh yeah, the shitty one.” Dirk recalled, apparently caught off guard. He had completely forgotten about it. “Well, the less shitty one, I guess. Aranea is weird too, man.”

 

“Yeah, anyway. I kinda let him do his thing. He had to go through the whole first official girlfriend honeymoon phase, and I wasn’t up to living that shit second-hand, y’know?.”

 

Dirk nodded to himself, “I don’t think you had that phase, though.”

 

“Duh. Because I was double-dating an alternian girl with a shitty Kismesis who had red feelings for her.” he scoffed, although he seemed amused remembering that. “We couldn’t have a first normal relationship for each of our species. No. Fuck that. We just HAD to make it the weird and dysfunctional cocktail of disaster that we were together.”

 

Dirk snickered, but Dave’s smile slowly died out. He felt a void forming in his stomach.

 

He was still in good terms with Terezi even after all the problems he had caused her, but Karkat was a different story. One that surfaced and slapped him on the face every now and then.

 

If his memory served him right, Dave hadn’t talked to Karkat for about ten months now. If they ran into each other in school they wouldn’t even make eye contact anymore. And not because Dave didn’t want to. At that point it felt like an automatic reflex to the situation.

 

He didn’t feel welcome, and Karkat didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Dave had never admitted out loud how much it started hurting when he realized Karkat didn’t want his friendship back.

 

Just then, Dirk caught on his memory-lane gap and felt the urge to interrupt it.

 

“Man, that’s childplay. You wanna know what a cocktail of dating disaster looks like? I dated Roxy for a week when we were thirteen.”

 

Dave couldn’t help laughing at the comment. Mission accomplished. “Oh my fucking god, you totally did. I didn’t even remember that anymore! But, in your and Roxy’s defense, none of you knew your own preferences back then.”

 

“Hard to believe given the fact we drew a lot of incriminatory genitalia on each other’s notebooks and faces for fun. That should’ve been our first clue that it was not meant to happen.”

 

When they arrived to the location still sharing some laughs, they found several cars already parked on the side of the road. There were skinny trees and some bushes that didn’t quite let them see the ocean, but a small corridor through the scrubs that had been opened up years ago showed the way with an improvised path of flat white rocks over the sand.

 

“Welp, the party didn’t wait for us.”

 

They exited the jeep together. As they walked through the path, they could hear some music, but it was smothered by the consistent sound of waves crashing onto the shore.

 

“Hey. It’s okay if you don’t wanna tell me...” Dirk started saying as soon as they spotted the orange light coming from a campfire in the distance. “But I gotta ask. Do you even want to get with John anymore?”

 

There was a short silence as initial response. The question was too direct for what they were used to ask each other, but it was also a difficult question to answer.

 

A lot of things had happened in the past year, and Dave still had to find out what John’s emotional situation was at the moment. He didn’t even know what his renewed singleness meant to him.

 

“Rose says he and the Serket girl are finished.” he simply said, not wanting to think too much about it himself. They were already close enough to the crowd for people to see them, and he didn’t feel like overthinking about his life-time drama.

 

“Interesting.” Dirk scanned the crowd looking for familiar faces. “Why didn’t John tell you, though?”

 

“DIIIIRK!!!” a hight-pitched shriek interrupted their conversation.

 

“Oh, hey Roxy.”

 

The next thing they knew, there was a young woman with bright pink hair hanging from Dirk’s neck. Since she was the same height as him, she literally had to fold her legs a bit to leave her feet hanging. He tried to carry her weight as firmly as he could with his whole body, but he still had to hunch over a little.

 

“Dude, I’m like, so fucking happy you guys are finally here!!” she beamed stepping back to look at both of them.

 

Roxy Lalonde was and looked very different from her sister. She was taller and her body was lighter, while her hair was very styled and her make-up had a more natural look. Rose prefered darker colors and straight hair to contrast with her pale skin and pansexuality.

 

“Hey Roxy.” Dave greeted, accidentally coming off as a little shy. He found both Lalondes very attractive, but Roxy had always intimidated him a little with her bubbly personality. Rose never demanded any participation from him in social situations.

 

“C’mere you cute little kebab.” she pulled him closer placing an arm around his shoulders and kissed his temple, which was the nearest part of his face she could reach. Dave let her. A glossy pink mark was left behind. “Where were you??? I so totally thought you guys had bailed on me!”

 

“Yeah, about that…” Dirk looked around discretely. “I really wasn’t sure about coming today, being completely honest.”

 

Roxy threw her head back dramatically and made a loud growly sound, probably her way to show annoyance. That, or she was trying to imitate an angry whale.

 

Without letting Dave go, she put her free hand on her hip and sent Dirk an overcritical look.

 

“I know, I know. The English drama thing. You don’t have to remind me. Belieeeeve me! I’ve been living it like it’s Gay Big Brother, Deluxe 24/7 edition.” She rolled her eyes and sighed. “I know he’s being Mr. Jack Frost all up in this bitch and all that, and that you just wanna be his Rose and you don’t ever wanna let go, but if you don’t y’all gonna freeze your asses to death, Dirklet. Climb up that stupid door already and let the little shit drown.”

 

“Those movies aren’t even remotely related.” He looked around once more. He seemed a little annoyed. “Where’s Jane? I thought she would be here by now.”

 

“Nah, Janey is too nice not to finish homework first. She’s staying over at my house afterwards and we are having a hella cute scary-movie-pizza-videogame-slumber paarteeey! You can totally come too if you want to!”

 

“Um. If it were only the three of us I guess that would be-” Suddenly, there was an almost indistinct flinch that ended his sentence for him. His eyes had abruptly stopped their searching. Dave felt obliged to follow his gaze.

 

Sitting on one of the logs set before the campfire, Jade was talking to her boyfriend Tavros and her step-brother Jake. Not realizing they were being observed, they continued talking animously between them as they drank from the beer and soda cans they were holding.

 

Dirk’s brows furrowed profusely. “Ugh. Son of a bitch looks cute as hell.” He mumbled almost completely to himself.

 

Although they only shared their father’s DNA, Jade and Jake had the same pitch black hair, tanned skin and bright green eyes. But Dave didn’t know Jake that well. Even though he had been living with Jade and their grandfather for three years, and he had dated Dirk for one, his knowledge about the guy didn’t go farther than "he likes movies, lived in England, and has been hurting my fucking brother".

 

“A’ight, stop stop stop.” Roxy finally let go off Dave and snapped her fingers before Dirk’s face. An accusatory index finger was raised. “I don’t want no drama in my beach party, and I really fucking want you dorks to have a good time, got it??? I have an important announcement to make later when Janey arrives, so for the love of friggin’ Dumbledore, just behave your ass.”

 

“I was just saying the son of a bitch looked cute as hell.”

 

“Not like I wanna agree with him, but…” Roxy addressed Dave a warning look and he shrugged in response. “Hey, I don’t like the fucker any more than I like a punch to the balls, but we don’t have to like him to admit he’s infuriatingly cute.”

 

“Well, yaa. Jake has always been hella cute.” She admitted in defeat.

 

“Don’t worry, I swear to your Harry Potter wizard that my ass will remain behaved, RoLal” Dirk assured, placing a hand over his heart as if he was taking a bow.

 

“Okay, that’s my boy. Now, let’s get you guys some drinks.”

______

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXdbrbrxsQ0)

_____

Following Roxy’s instructions, both Strider brothers kept their asses behaved but moving around. Rose had said the party would only have close friends, but there were about fifty people at the campfire spot that night. Apparently some guests had brought more people along, as it was usually the case, but for Dave none of those faces were new, so it took him a little longer to say hello to everyone.

 

Aside of Rose and Jade who were his childhood friends, he saw a few classmates he had known throughout high school, and a lot of Dirk and Roxy’s friends from college.

 

He was surprised to find out that one of those friends had brought Karkat along with her.

 

The two trolls were sitting by the campfire, on a log not too far away from the one Jade was sharing with Jake and Tavros.

 

Meenah Peixes was a ruthless purple-blood known for her antics and problematic attitude, so it was understandable for Dave to feel bewildered seeing his ex-best friend, a red-blood who despised being bossed around, hanging out with her and a guitar case.

 

Wait. A guitar case?? Was it Karkat’s? It was resting between the two trolls, so it was hard to tell.

 

Dave particularly lamented not being on good terms with him in that very moment, with a predictable joke hanging from his tongue.

 

“Hey Dave, over here!” Jade grabbed his attention by waving her arms in the air. Since Karkat and his unusual friend were sitting close by, Karkat’s ears perked when he heard the name.

 

Dave decided to do the thing he always did when they hung around the same spot, and went to greet the people right next to him without acknowledging his presence.

 

Beer in hand, Dave shared a short conversation with Jade and Tavros, making sure to ignore Jake completely. It wasn’t that difficult. The guy seemed to understand socializing with Dirk’s brother wasn’t a good idea.

 

After ten minutes of small talk and promising Jade he would go to the lake house with them during the holidays, Dave excused himself to go look for Rose. He had both finished greeting and rubbing off his presence, and since Jade didn’t seem to be ditching Mr. Brother-Stabbing Prick anytime soon, and John wasn’t even there yet, he was good to hang out with the “big kids” for a while.

 

Neither Jade nor John seemed to be comfortable around Rose and Dave’s friends anyway.

 

He spotted them right away. It was impossible to miss such a peculiar group of people, always set aside from big crowds, hanging out on their own in a small circle.

 

Porrim, Latula, Mituna, Rufioh and Damara were all trolls either with jobs or going through college, and also Rose’s favorite people to go out with for late night escapades. They all had different interests and styles but they always went together to the best clubs, shows, bars, and even arcades. They had a bad rep but they weren’t half as bad as people thought. Dave actually liked them a lot because they were chill and minded their business.

 

And even though they were several years older than the two humans, they all seemed to like both of them back. Dave had gone out with them a lot in the past year and a half, and he appreciated they never lectured them for drinking or smoking. Plus, they always had friends at clubs and bars who could let Rose and Dave in without IDs.

 

Dave suspected they either didn’t give a shit or just thought it would be hypocritical of them to object to it since they used to do the same thing when they were their age.

 

"Better with us than alone or with the wrong crowd, amrite?" Rufioh once said when they took Dave to an obscure club for the very first time.

 

Rufioh was Tavros’s older brother, and regardless of his cool punk clothes and red mohawk, he was into a lot of nerdy things. Particularly anime. His relationship status with Damara was always unclear to Dave, but her explicit sexual remarks suggested there was at least something between them. He never dared to ask since Damara was probably the person he liked the least. Mostly just because she scared him a little and because she purpously spoke to people in Japanese.

 

When he approached the group, the first one to spot him was Porrim, who displayed her copyrighted motherly grin when she saw him.

 

“David, it is so nice to see you. We were just talking about you.”

 

Porrim was Dave’s favorite. She was covered in tattoos and had several piercings. She was always showing extra skin and telling exactly what she had on her mind, but at the same time she tended to take care of others so affectionately that she made everyone feel at home. She was extremely open-minded and carefree, but she always kept an extra eye on their human friends, ready to stop them from drinking too much or doing something risky while under the influence.

 

“Oh no. Why were you talking about me?” Dave asked pretending to be worried.

 

“They were really talking about us.” Rose interceded with an amused expression.

 

“Ugh, are they shipping us again?” Dave grumbled causing the rest of the group to laugh.

 

“Well, can you blame us??” Latula jumped in with a cackle. “You guys are so fucking cute together I don’t know why you don’t share any quadrants AT ALL.” Dave just sighed and Porrim patted his back in support. “Meulin, the chick from the new bar, asked me about that the other day because she thought you totally did and I was like YO DUDE YOU ARE SO RIGHT, what the eff, man!”

 

"Yeah, totally right!" Mituna agreed with a goofy smile, his eyes completely covered by his curly black hair.

 

Latula and Mituna were matesprits and they loved video games and skateboarding, making them the easiest people for Dave to click with right away. They were both in the same university and were the kind of grossly cute couples who would wear matching jerseys or share each other’s clothes all the time.

 

“As endearing as the idea of hatefucking is to me, I don’t think Dave is up to the challenge of hating and fucking me full time.” Rose replied calmly, as if she had been asked her opinion on soccer. Rufioh and Mituna let go an incititing “ooooohhh” and Damara snickered.

 

“As if you could hate me at all. I’ll have you know Roxy doesn’t call me the cutest kebab on the tray for nothing.” Dave drank from his beer ignoring Latula’s disappointed ‘dammit’. “No offence to you guys loving your stable quadruple dating thing, but I just don’t have time to think about quadrants. Neither black nor red. Kinda done with those to be honest.”

 

“We all had thought you to save the matesprite quadrant because of the glasses fuckboy” Damara chimed in, her eyes showing that evilish spark they always had when she was aiming to watch the world burn. Her lack of interest in learning proper grammar even after so many years of living in Texas always gave her wording a special touch.

 

“Okay first of all, fuck you” The good thing about being picked on by Damara was that you never had to hold back insults because obscene language was her favorite. “Second of all, what’s up with everyone asking me about John today?“

 

Even though most of his friends knew about the obvious childhood-crush situation, everyone also was aware that he had tried to stay away from John because he was already dating someone else. The fact that this was the third time the topic had been brought up that day was a little weird.

 

“Wait.” He looked at Rose, who was calmly drinking the same type of vodka-mixed beverage Porrim was having. “Have you been telling everyone that Vriska broke up with John??”

 

“Only to those who have been keeping tabs on the matter.” She simply said.

 

“What.”

 

“Well, we are all rooting for you, dude!” Rufioh explained smiling big. “Of course we wanted to know about it. And now’s your chance, isn’t it? Haven’t you been waiting for this?”

 

“I’m…” the answer was cut short. Dave didn’t know how to process that information.

 

First Rose, then Dirk, and now them. He clearly appreciated the gang liked him enough to care about his feelings, and that they were hoping he could get with his long-time crush, but it had been so long since he had given up on the idea, that having other people “keeping tabs” on it was a little unnerving.

 

Did he even think he had a chance with John at all?

 

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to say anything, Dave.” That was Porrim to the rescue. “His situation with his human friend has been complicated from the start. I think we all should refrain from inquiring or sharing unsolicited opinions and just let him sort this out by himself.”

 

“No, look…” Dave tried again. “I really… I mean. Fuck. It’s cool that you guys care about my stupid drama enough to know this much about the situation but. I’m not even sure I want to “be with John” anymore??” Rose had stopped playing with her nails and was now looking at him, barely hiding her surprise. “I mean don’t get me wrong, I adore that dork the same or even more than I ever did but. I just feel like, realistically? That ship sailed a long time ago. I don’t think anything is happening between us even if he were completely over Serket and super gay. Which he’s not. So I just think… I mean, after so many years, I’m just glad he’s still my friend and that I get to spend time with him at all. I am content with that. If he’s happy then I guess I am too.”

 

There was a short silence, followed by Mituna cursing under his breath.

 

Dave started to regret what he said almost immediately.

 

“Dave, that is. The grossest shit you’ve ever said.” Latula whispered with an asphyxiated voice. She was clearly moved and trying not to show it.

 

“Dude, that’s so effing sweet.” Rufioh just seemed impressed. “Dude, seriously.”

 

“It looks like you’ve done a lot of progress in these past months.” Porrim was probably the least surprised, but she was definitely pleased. Dave’s ears turned red without him realizing.

 

Luckily for him, that was when the party’s music was stopped abruptly, saving his remaining honor somehow. The group looked back at the main congregation of bodies near the campfire.

 

Roxy was standing on one of the logs and was waving a hand towards them.

 

“HEY YOU WEIRDOS IN THE BACK” she yelled, even though it wasn’t necessary since the music wasn’t playing anymore. “JANEY AND JOHN ARE HERE. I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE PLEASE COME OVER HERE ASAP.”

 

Feeling even more puzzled than before, the trolls and the two humans decided to join the rest of the guests, making a circle around the campfire.

 

Dave was trying to ignore all the nervousness and embarrassment the last conversation had started, but it wasn’t easy now that he knew John was there for sure. Now that he knew Serket didn’t come with the package.

  
He tried to relax. He had it under control. He told himself he had it under control. There was nothing to worry about. He just had to go with the flow as always, and ignore the aggressive beating coming from under his ribcage.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, both Karkat and John are here. Surprise (not)
> 
> I really wanna say that I'll be posting the next chapter next week but I've had such little time for writing and editing and I'm so uninsprired and honestly kind of depressed so I cannot promise anything. I'm catching up with school and exams and I might quit my job soon so I hope you can understand and forgive me if I take longer than a week to come back >_>
> 
> I gotta say, the number of hits in this fic kinda drives me insane at times because I don't know if/how many people are actually reading these chapters anymore so I would really appreciate if you let me know what you think ;-;
> 
> ____
> 
> ANYWAY DIRKJAKE.  
> I'm not sure if you remember I said I would post side-ships mini-fics. They are three chapters each, one for the Prologue (before this fic), one for the conflict (directly connected to the plot in the story), and the epilogue, which is pretty self-explanatory and will only be posted when it's due.
> 
> Enjoy [The Third Side Of The Coin](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8243797/chapters/18890956)
> 
>  
> 
> Have a nice day.
> 
> xo. Ro.


	6. Believe In Second Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave loses his cool.
> 
> Luckily, he is not alone.

_Chapter 6_

**Believe In Second Chances**

 

Rose and Dave made it almost to the front, standing behind Jade, Tavros and Jake. From the other side of the campfire, they could see Roxy, holding hands with Jane.

 

Round and short, Jane’s figure contrasted with Roxy’s perfectly. Her blue eyes were behind oval red glasses, and her dark bangs fell neatly above her eyebrows. Dave couldn’t help to give himself credit for having a crush on her when he was 10. 

 

John was also there, standing next to her. He seemed tired, but he didn’t hesitate to smile when he saw Dave. If hearts could sigh happily, Dave’s would’ve done that just then. He smiled in response, raising his hand a little.

 

“Okay, so now that y’all are here and stuff,” Roxy continued barely holding back the excitement in her voice. “I gotta make a super fucking cool announcement.”

 

“Golly Roxy, you already said that!” Jake urged her impatiently. “Spill the beans already you are making us awfully nervous!”

 

“Yeah yeah, I’m cutting to the chase in a sec. Gosh Jake, let me create some fucking suspense here!” Some laughed. Jake raised his hands asking for forgiveness and Roxy just snorted in response. “Okay well. As some of you know. Or not. I applied for a scholarship thingy a few months back…”

 

“You are shitting me…”

 

“No, I’m so not shitting you, DiStri.” her smile widened. “This babe is one hundred percent confirmed for crazy fun times in London for half a year muthafuckas!”

 

There was general cheering, applause and congratulations that followed for the next minute or so. The people closest to her at the moment reached for a hug, Roxy was shining with happiness as Jane smiled big with tears in her eyes. Dave felt a tad sad. He thought of how much he would miss Roxy around, but he couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Jane to see her girlfriend leave for that long.

 

“Okay, there’s enough me to go around! No need to make a human wall of fucking China to come and congratulate me one by one. You can keep doing whatever you were doing jsyk!”

 

Slowly but surely, the congratulations rounds went back to being the casual beach party it was. People were talking to each other, music was playing again, but a small group of people remained around Roxy and the campfire. Dave approached John and greeted him with a short hug while Roxy hung from Dirk’s neck with one arm and squeezed Jane against her with the other. Jane’s tears kept coming, Dirk was smiling sadly and Roxy was starting to get emotional, her voice breaking a little as she spoke.

 

“Aw Janey don’t cry, you’re gonna make me sad!! You already knew I was leaving!!”

 

“I knooow, I know!” She half sobbed, half giggled. “Don’t mind my silly sentimentalism. I’m so happy for you!”

 

“That’s so cool Roxy gets to go to London, uh?” John said looking at the three friends laughing and sobbing together. “She must be really excited.”

 

“Yeah, I bet.” Dave couldn’t help start drifting from his thoughts on Roxy’s departure. He had just realized it had been almost two weeks of barely seeing John. Hearing his voice after that long was extremely soothing.

 

“Drat, this is going to be extra though!” They heard behind them. Jake, still sitting next to Jade and Tavros, was looking at his friends from afar with a concerned expression.

 

“I’m sorry Jake, I imagine not having Roxy here is going to be really hard for you guys” Jade said with a sad expression, placing her hand on his knee in a supportive manner. “I mean, you have known each other since, what? Middle School?”

 

“Well, I do think not seeing Roxy for six months will feel a little saddening at times…” he looked up to the sky, scratching his chin absently. “But it’s all part of growing up. Besides, half of our friendship was exclusively internet-based. And it’s great she was given this opportunity, I’m really proud of her, but…”

 

From that angle, Dave couldn’t see what was going on, but the silence suggested Jake was pointing at something. Or someone, rather. His next words both confirmed Dave’s thoughts and sparked a flame of anger within him.

 

“I don’t want to sound like a malicious rascal, but I kind of wish she could take me with her so I wouldn’t have to be here to endure the... amorous doldrums he’s still stuck in.”

 

“Ouch…” John whispered. Apparently he was still overhearing the conversation as well. He looked at Dave with a worried look on his face. “What happened with those two? Weren’t they dating?”

 

“Welcome aboard the ‘Confused and Intrigued but Still Offended’ cruise. This is your Captain speaking.” Dave’s tone was somber.

 

“Jake, that’s not very nice.” Jade said softly.

 

“My darling Jade, if I could explain it to you I would.” he assured with what seemed to be resignation. “Sadly, I realized our relationship was a blunder way too late and now I have to deal with the remains of my tomfoolery .”

 

“Jake!!!”

 

The aforementioned and the people around him jumped, startled by Jane’s sudden yelling. When John and Dave looked in her direction, they realized both Jane and Roxy were past the sad goodbyes and were looking pissed. There was no sign of Dirk.

 

“Oh no…” John muttered, realizing at the same time as Dave that there was a dark shadow walking away towards the highway. “Do you think he…?”

 

“Of course he heard him.” Dave snapped right away, raising his voice so Jake would hear him. Heads turned once more. “How could anyone be here and not hear him?? It’s like he did it on purpose.”

 

“Dave, calm down…” John grabbed his elbow gently.

 

“You are mistaken.” Jake seemed collected, but his fidgety hands revealed his nervousness for being put on the spot. “I didn’t mean for Dirk to hear me. I don’t want to make him feel bad about anything that has transpired…”

 

“Well you are doing a shit job at it, aren’t you?” He knew everyone around the campfire was watching. Karkat wasn’t even trying to ignore him anymore and he felt John’s grip tightening around his arm. “You love to pretend he’s fucking invisible even when he’s right in front of you, even if he’s trying to talk to you! I’ve seen you do it. Is he supposed to understand your silent treatment and not feel bad about it???”

 

“Dave we shouldn’t-”

 

“Not now, John.”

 

“I don’t pretend he’s invisible. I just don’t know what to tell him.”

 

Like emerging lava, the rush of anger got to the top floor on Dave’s system. He couldn’t hear a word more. He had already established his hate for Jake days ago and only needed that last push to be sick of him. He broke free from John’s grip and walked towards Jake without hesitation. There was immediate rustling around them in response. Some stood up, other people stepped back nervously, and one person in the back yelled “Hey, easy man!”.

 

Dave wasn't thinking straight, he knew that, but he couldn't hold back his anger. Jake didn't react on time, he was probably shocked and a little bit scared. Dave took advantage of it and kicked him in the chest as hard as he could, making him fall back from the log and land on his back and elbows. Jade and Tavros stood up.

 

“Dave, oh my gosh!”

 

Everything happened too fast. Suddenly there were at least four people around him, holding him and pulling him away from Jake so he wouldn’t hurt him.

 

Dave fought back a little but they were too strong for him, so he just yelled while Jade was helping Jake to stand up.

 

“Dirk doesn’t deserve your shit friendship! If you don’t wanna keep in touch with him then tell him that, instead of treating him like a nuisance and hurting him!”

 

“Alright, alright! We are walking away now!” John nudged the other people helping him with Dave so they all could remove him from the scene. “We are walking, we are walking.” he kept saying as they did so. “We are going away. We are staying away from fire and punchable people for now… Dave what the fuck, dude!”

 

They stopped walking once they were far enough from the rest of the guests. The orange light of the campfire barely reached them from there and it was harder to tell who the people helping John were.

 

“It’s okay you are angry little dude, but that was not cool.” Rufioh’s voice floated above him. He was the person who had him on a wrestling lock from behind and had prevented him from escaping on the first place. “I mean. Standing up for your brother was totally cool, but maybe that wasn’t the best time… or the way to do that.”

 

“You… uh… are going to have to apologize for that.” Tavros was there too. He had stood between Jake and Dave to block Dave’s vision of his disadvantaged contendant and had remained before him the whole time. He looked nervous about confronting him, but also a little angry. “You probably made Jade and Roxy very upset with that behaviour.”

 

“I know. I’ll do that. I just. I just really hate that guy.” Dave mumbled. He could feel his anger fading away since the kick, but now he could also notice his shoulders and arms getting numb by the wrestling lock. “I’m sorry, okay? Can you let me go now??”

 

“Are you sure you aren’t going to kick more people??” that voice was an unexpected one. Dave was shocked to find out the person next to John was no other than Karkat himself. He seemed serious, but also concerned.

 

“No, I’m… I’m fine.” Dave had to make an effort to act as normal as he could. Everything was extremely weird in that moment. He could barely believe he had kicked Jake infront of everyone they knew, and even less that apparently Karkat was one of the people who tried to stop him from taking it farther. “I’m fine, really. Can we disperse the sausage fest a little??”

 

John nodded at the Nitram bothers, and the two of them let him go. Dave rubbed his shoulder, that felt sore after that improvised abduction. “Gah, sheesh. You guys went a little too far there.”

 

“Sorry, dude. Control your anger next time, I guess.” Rufioh patted him on the back.

 

Tavros didn’t add anything but he addressed him a last warning look before heading back to the party next to his brother. Slow but steady, the embarrassment started to set in.

 

“Man, I’m not even drunk yet. Why did I do that??” Dave muttered, scratching his head unconsciously. He really didn’t want to look at John and Karkat in the eye.

 

“Aren’t we all wondering the same?” Karkat inquired without his characteristic sarcasm. His tone of voice was rather careful. He was probably aware that now that the commotion had passed, everything regarding his presence there was a little awkward.

 

“Yeah Dave, what happened back there?” John asked concerned. “You don’t tend to react violently to stuff like that!”

 

More embarrassment piled up. He was looking at his own shoes sprinkled with sand. A long sigh preceded a timid shrug. “I don’t know what to say. I guess I was already pretty angry at the whole situation with him and Dirk. It’s not cool seeing your bro go through shit like that and being unable to even cheer him up, y’know?” There was a pause, but it was a more understanding one. “I’m gonna go check on him. I’ll be right back.”

 

“Okay. I’ll go assert the situation at the campfire. Hopefully no one is really angry.”

 

“Um, Dave…” that was Karkat. Dave hesitated for a second before looking at him. John had stopped dead on his tracks too. “I was wondering if we could talk.”

 

“... Sure.” a string of nervousness strangled his heart for a moment. Still wondering what the fresh hell was going on, he quickly added “Let me just see what’s up with Dirk first, though. I promised him that if shit got awkward we could leave.”

 

“Yeah... okay. Don’t worry.”

 

“Okay, brb”

 

Unable to say anything else, he turned around and headed to the path that led to the highway, trying to ignore John’s stupid excited face.

 

On his way there, Dave was reliving the last fifteen minutes over and over in his head without being able to prioritize what he wanted to ramble about to himself.

 

He had done a stupid thing and had probably ruined Roxy’s party, his brother was really upset over his ex who he had just attacked, and now a potential reconciliation with Karkat seemed to have just sprouted out of nowhere. It was a lot to take in. He was worried and feeling guilty, and he definitely didn’t want to get too excited about that last bit.

 

Even though he had missed his ex best friend and wanted nothing but for them to talk things out, it hurt to think about all the times he felt abandoned and unwanted whenever they had run into each other in the past months. He wasn’t even sure they had the social skills to work things out on the first place. Why did he want to talk now of all times?

 

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSAow-RRQuI) 

 

Dave walked to the gray jeep parked the farthest from the beach’s entrance and knocked on the window. Two seconds later, Dirk’s hand reached out to open the lock. Dave got in and closed the door, feeling relieved when he found his brother listening to the radio with his glasses on and his usual stoic expression ingrained on his face.

 

“Don’t worry, I’m not crying about it.” Was the first thing he said. “I just didn’t want to be around him anymore.”

 

“It’s a’ight.” Dave shrugged and lay back on the seat, his fingers intertwined over his stomach. “I didn’t come after you to bring you tissues and convince you to go back. I made you a promise, and shit got hella uncomfortable back there. We can go home if you want to.”

 

Dirk shook his head. “No, it’s okay.” He pressed the home button on his phone to check the time. “It’s pretty early anyway. I wouldn’t want you to miss a good time with your friends just because I have a case of the sads.”

 

“Dude, the sads suck major ass. I can see my friends any other day.”

 

Dirk smiled quietly. With an elbow against the door, he rested his cheek on his palm and looked outside, to the dark highway they had ahead. The radio station was playing a sad Bonnie Tyler song that lingered between them during their pause. Dave felt the urge to change the station, but managed to hold back.

 

“I think I’m going to be o’kay.” Dirk finally said in a soft tone of voice Dave wasn’t expecting. He looked at him and instinctively dried off the corner of his eye with the sweater’s sleeve. “It’s not like he said anything new. I’ve known he felt that way for a while now.”

 

Dave’s heart sank a little.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want us to go home?”

 

“Nah…” he made a dismissive gesture with his hand and started stretching lazily. “I think I’m gonna buy some booze and meet Roxy and Janey at Roxy’s place in a few hours. They let me go with the condition that I wasn’t gonna sulk anymore.”

 

Those words made Dave feel a whole lot better about the situation in a matter of seconds. It was consoling knowing there were other people keeping an eye on his brother. He wouldn’t be surprised if Roxy’s “improvised” slumber party had been planned around not letting Jake in. He knew his friends would take good care of Dirk.

 

As soon as his worries dissipated, another pressing matter made his stomach twirl again. He looked through the window towards the beach, noticing the radio’s mood had changed like his had just done. A new song had started playing, it had a slow pace to it but a hopeful feeling that was contagious for some reason.

 

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T5HnZjUT3U0)

 

“I guess I’ll stay a little longer then.” Dave said opening the door. “I’m glad you are doing better now, dude. Just lemme know when you crash at Roxy’s.”

 

There was something in his renewed attitude that showed he was waiting anxiously for something. Intrigued, but choosing not to mention it, Dirk smirked and addressed him a nod. “Sure thing. Text me when you get your ride home.”

 

“You got it. Drive safe, ponyboy”

 

Once his brother had driven away, Dave decided to head back to the party. He wasn’t even thinking about the uncomfortable situation he had left behind there, and he didn’t have time to think about that or anything else, because as soon as he stepped on the sand, he spotted Karkat sitting down a few feet away from there, waiting.

 

His feet stopped moving, and his heart skipped a beat. Karkat had his legs crossed and was drinking from a can, looking towards the dark sea behind the orange lights coming from the party. Dave noticed there was a similar can semi-buried in the sand next to him.

 

“So… where’s John?”

 

His voice startled Karkat, who turned his head with a flustered expression. In the old days, that face would’ve meant he was about to yell at whoever had just scared him, but to Dave’s surprise, this time there was no yelling. Actually, when Karkat saw him, instead of displaying his usual anger, his traits had melted into shyness.

 

Dave felt completely out of place as Karkat looked back to the sea and gestured the spot next to him. He decided to get closer and sat down, taking the can next to him almost compulsively.

 

“Dave, I’m about to be stupidly weird for the next few minutes. I hope you know that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be back next week.
> 
> xo.Ro.


	7. Left All The Lights On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two ex-best friends sit down and talk.
> 
> It gets heavy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back but not.
> 
> This one is my favorite I've written for this fic. 
> 
> Enjoy the feels.

_Chapter 7_

**Left All The Lights On**

 

“Dave, I’m about to be stupidly weird for the next few minutes, I hope you know that.”

 

“You mean, stupidly weirder than you’ve already been?” He asked with a fake surprise that almost teared a smile from Karkat’s tightened lips, but he decided not to address the sarcasm for once.

 

“I feel like I’ve judged you wrong for a long time…” Karkat started. He seemed to review his own sentence on his head and then rectified. “I’ve judged you unfairly for way longer than I was meant to.”

 

Dave didn’t dare to interrupt. It was hard to tell what Karkat was trying to say, but he didn’t know if it was okay to ask. He opted for opening the can and drank whatever mix of whiskey he had been given without putting too much thought into it. He was feeling less nervous, but it was still hard to open his drink.

 

“See,” Karkat resumed when he noticed Dave had nothing to add. “When I met you I was dating Terezi, and she was really into you and I hated every second of it.”

 

“Oh, you made that clear.” Dave assured, quietly amused by the memory. “You were like an angry goblin hovering over some gold he had just found, yelling and shaking fists like a lunatic.”

 

“It wasn’t… that bad…” the darkness wouldn’t show, but by the way Karkat’s face contracted, and being familiar with his personality, Dave knew he was flustered. He scoffed at the weak reply. “Okay. Maybe I did it ONE time! One FUCKING time! But you were getting on my nerves! Don’t you dare say you weren’t purposely antagonizing me while you were trying to get with Terezi and when we were all vacillating.”

 

“We.” Dave repeated unbelieving.

 

“Fine! Okay! Yes, I was the one vacillating like a demented fuck and that’s why she got confused and I ruined everything the three of us had going on!” Karkat blurted out frustrated. “Jesus fucking christ Dave, I’m trying to recall the roots of our friendship here and you just have to be nitpicking and stabbing at every given chance, don’t you? Don’t we have enough stupid drama to go around without adding old pre-teen bygones that don’t make sense to any of us at this point of our lives?”

 

Dave snickered.

 

“Point taken. Sorry Karkat.” He could tell the raising fury sitting next to him had immediately calmed down with that response, but he still felt like adding, “And I’ve told you our quadrants with Terezi didn’t go to shit exclusively because of you. You had your issues with her and me, sure, but I also had my own. I wasn’t the best matesprite to begin with, but I also wasn’t trying to keep things chill between you and me and I made everything worse for her. I don’t blame her for dumping our sorry asses.”

 

Karkat let go a long sigh and nodded.

 

“Yeah, me neither.”

 

There was a short silence in which Dave couldn’t tell if Karkat was remembering the heartbreak that followed after the girl kicked them out of her love life, or just trying to get back to his original train of thought.

 

“Anyway…”

 

“Yeah. Friendship roots and shit. You were saying?”

 

“The point is, I hated you, Dave.” he finally turned his head to look at him, and Dave returned the gaze. Karkat seemed to be struggling to find the right words. “I hated you so much, mainly because I was an insecure dipshit and I felt like I couldn’t compare to you. But I also hated you… because I thought you only cared about yourself. I didn’t think you cared about Terezi, or my relationship with her. It felt like it was all just a fucking game to you.” his eyes shifted for a second, but he made an effort to keep looking at him before continuing. “And I felt that hate again, when you talked to me about John.”

 

A twister seemed to form in the pit of Dave’s stomach. He knew where the conversation was heading now, and he didn’t like it very much. It was more difficult to take the subject lightly and make jokes now that they had reached the real issue: The first and deepest crack in their shattered friendship.

 

“When I realized you liked John, I didn’t think much of it,” Karkat was saying, now looking at the can he was holding in his hands. “But then it became a habit to hear you complain about it. And I listened because I cared. Because now we were friends and I wanted to support you.” A small pause followed by a deep breath. “I guess I just wasn’t ready for what that entailed.”

 

“I know. I’m sorry,” Dave whispered.

 

He did know. He always knew. He would talk about his feelings with Karkat quite frequently, and his fear of losing John to another person. Karkat had proved to be loyal and understanding and he always let him vent before exposing his thoughts, and that’s why Dave hadn’t realized when he started abusing that shoulder to cry on.

 

“It didn’t get bad until Serket entered the picture,” Karkat admitted. “But it got, so bad.”

 

Dave finished his drink and left the empty can next to him in the sand before nervously rubbing the side of his face with one hand. His heart started beating harder.

 

He kept telling himself he deserved to hear all of it, and didn't dare to ask him to stop. He had it coming, but it was so hard to relive it through Karkat’s hurt and raspy voice. All the guilt and the shame had been mixed in a blender and now he felt it slimming down his throat and poisoning his guts.

 

“You were obsessed.”

 

“I was.”

 

“You wouldn’t listen to a word I said about it.”

 

“I know…” Dave had crossed his arms over his bent knees.

 

“You asked me for advice you never fucking took, and then went on drinking rampages and started smoking just to hurt yourself and numb everything and everyone else around you.” Dave rested his forehead on his arms. Karkat was avoiding looking at him, his voice faint but steady. “I was so mad at you. I felt like I was proven right, and that you actually only thought about yourself. It wasn’t even about John anymore, but hating and feeling sorry for yourself. You didn’t care about me. You didn’t care about anything. One would think you would’ve at least listened to me when I was worried about you, right?”

 

“Karkat… I’m sorry…” Dave mumbled. He felt as if he was being choked. He wanted to explain himself, but the words just wouldn’t come out. He had no valid excuses for such behaviour. He was perfectly aware of how shitty he had been.

 

“No. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

 

Dave straighten up after hearing those words and looked at Karkat. Now that they had been away from the campfire for that long, his eyes had adjusted better to the darkness and he could actually see Karkat’s traits even through the tears drowning his eye-sockets. Karkat looked guilty.

 

“What.”

 

“I shouldn’t have left you like that.” he simply said. “You needed me.”

 

“No… Karkat, no. You are right.” Dave shook his head and moved closer to him. “I was a shithead to you. To everyone. I was aware that what I was doing was wrong but I thought I had it under control and I could stop whenever I wanted. I didn’t care about anything, as you said. And I certainly didn’t deserve you as my friend.”

 

“No. You didn’t.”

 

Now Dave was just perplexed. He thought he was being scolded at first, and then that Karkat was defending him unjustly. But this… what the hell was this? Was he being punished and forgiven at the same time?

 

Karkat seemed to read his mind.

 

“I’m not telling you all this to make you feel bad, nor to defend your shittiness,” he said calmly, but his eyes were filled with sadness. “I just want you to understand how I was feeling when I left that day we stopped talking. I was on my right to. You hurt me.”

 

“Yeah, I don’t doubt it…”

 

“But then time passed, and I didn’t let go off that grudge. And that’s why I’m sorry.”

 

“Nah, man. You hold onto your grudges all you want. I was a sack of shit to you.”

 

Karkat shook his head no, but didn’t reply right away. The aluminium he was holding crumbled a little, as he squeezed it in his hands. He was oddly pensive for someone who always had something to say.

 

“A few minutes ago, when you got angry at Jade’s brother…” he recalled out of the blue. “You said something. You said something that really got under my skin.” Dave raised his eyebrows. Karkat wasn’t looking directly at him, but somewhere around his ear. Too much eye contact was not meant to happen. “You told him to stop ignoring your brother and not to be a shitty friend to him. And when you said it, it hit me. I realized how hard I’ve been trying to avoid you. I was angry, but I was not trying to understand you, and that’s where I fucked up.”

 

“Understand what?” Dave was still as confused as before. He had lost all will to defend himself, he had already proclaimed himself guilty, and the judge still wouldn’t sentence him.

 

“Dave you were in love. Or you are.” Karkat sighed, almost annoyed Dave needed further explanation. “You had never felt anything like what you feel for John. Of course you were upset after you kissed him at the party and he shrugged it off, of course it hurt you every day after that realizing you probably didn’t have a chance. It makes fucking sense, that if you’ve loved someone for YEARS, you would be fucking devastated if he got a shitty girlfriend you don’t trust and he spent huge amounts of time with her instead of you.”

 

Dave knew Karkat was still explaining himself, but he was not prepared to hear such exposition of his own feelings that way. He had thought he was completely okay with all those circumstances after time had passed, but as Karkat listed every single one of them he felt sharp needles sinking into his heart one by one. A slow single tear managed to escape his eyes as he looked down.

 

“Your mourning and your complaining were valid.” Karkat continued, his voice was softer. “But I wasn’t thinking of that when I got angry. I was just thinking about myself. And even when John asked me to talk to you, and even when Jade texted me several times telling me she was worried about you… I didn’t care. Deep down I thought you didn’t either, and that my presence wouldn’t make a difference because it never did in the past. But I was wrong to give up on you like that.”

 

Dave was surprised, but he didn’t manage to look back up. He was feeling rather sensitive after remembering old scars, and now those long and isolating months without his two best friends. He didn’t want to face Karkat like that. He felt like he could burst into a salty river at any moment.

 

“Then I started regretting it.” Karkat let go a sarcasting ‘ha!’ and scratched the back of his head, visibly uncomfortable. “I saw you get back up. I knew you were still drinking and smoking, but you had found a balance. I noticed you were talking to new people, going out with Rose and her friends instead of John. You weren’t crying over him, nor trying to greet me anymore. You moved on, and it hurt. It fucking hurt. Because you were capable of getting your shit together without me.” suddenly, his voice was strangled, and he crushed the can in his hands. “And the worst part is, once my anger was gone, once I saw you get back on your feet, I couldn’t even excuse myself. You had stopped obsessing over John but I couldn’t talk to you anymore. It was fucking impossible. You didn’t even want to see me either. And I realized I had lost a good fucking friendship over selfishness and jealousy.”

 

Dave slowly raised his face again, locking his gaze in the can Karkat had already crushed completely. He timidly looked up, and saw red tears cruising through the gray skin.

 

Dave could feel his own heart pounding hard. He was beyond speechless. Even after knowing Karkat for several years, and even if he had always known the kid was a soft angry marshmallow inside, he had never shown himself so vulnerable with him. He couldn’t believe Karkat was breaking down like that because of their friendship.

 

“Dave, I’m so fucking sorry,” Karkat sobbed quietly with narrowed eyes. He shoved his palm’s heel against his cheek to try to disappear some tears “I’m sorry almost a year had to pass for me to apologize. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I was being a self-centered egoistic piece of-”

 

The self-deprecating rant was cut short when Dave scooted closer and wrapped his arms around him. Karkat didn’t move as Dave dragged him down towards his chest, carefully placing his own cheek in between his horns.

 

“You didn’t give up on me, stupid. Look at you, you are right here,” Dave said, a warm feeling spreading through his chest. “And I’m sorry for everything too, Karkat. I should’ve known. I should’ve looked for you too. I guess I’m too much of a pessimist.” He squeezed him gently and let go a long sigh of relief. “Man, I fucking missed you and your melodramatic shit.”

 

Karkat made a noise similar to a laugh muffled by a sob.

 

“I fucking missed you too, you ungrateful shithead.”

 

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHrhazFsD3M)

_

 

With sutured wounds still fresh and healing, the two teens and their renewed friendship sat there together a little longer. They watched the people at the campfire dancing and having fun while they small-talked about recent events in their lives. There was a lot of catching up to do and it was revitalizing for both.

 

At some point, Dave wondered how he had gotten through ten whole months without Karkat. He was a great conversationalist, they shared sense of humor and sarcasm, and he was incredibly fun to annoy. Not to mention, he always had something to surprise him with. Just then, Dave had realized his voice at a regular volume was strangely calming, but he couldn’t put his finger on whether it was because he had missed hearing it, or because since he was usually loud around everyone, his current tone of voice felt like special treatment.

 

“Hey, I was thinking… do you have plans after this?” Karkat inquired after they made fun of a troll who had fallen down and had his friends help his drunk self up. It was a good indication that the party had been going on long enough.

 

“Not really.” Dave shrugged. “My brother left with the jeep, he’s meeting Roxy and Jane later for a slumber party or something, so I need to get a ride too.”

 

“A slumber party?” he echoed. His expression was hard to read. “Like, with movies and pillow fights and shit?”

 

“I don’t know about the pillow fights and the shit, but probably movies and a lot of alcohol.”

 

A short silence. Karkat seemed to be chewing his tongue while he thought in detail about something. It was as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure of the consequences.

 

Intrigued, Dave stared at him for a few seconds, and then got closer to make sure Karkat was aware of the staring. Karkat eyed him clearly uncomfortable, and Dave let a smile creep up his lips.

 

“Oh my god, you want to have a slumber party too.” he cooed beyond amused.

 

“What. No. Why would I…?” Karkat caught the knowingly smirk on Dave’s face and let go a frustrated sigh. “Shut up. I just thought it sounded fun.”

 

It wasn’t weird that Karkat would enjoy the idea of a slumber party since he was both really into movies and chatting, but the notion of him being excited about it gave Dave the weirdest feeling. He had forgotten Karkat could also be pretty darn adorable at times.

 

“Oh, don’t get me wrong. It sounds fucking fantastic,” two thick black eyebrows arched above the yellowish eyes. “No, I’m serious! Man, we can just get some chinese and watch stupid movies all night… But we still need a ride though.”

 

“John told me he brought his dad’s car. He offered to take me home…” he suggested calmly, but was still very quick to come up with the idea. He had probably already thought of it while he was fighting the urge to not suggest the slumber party on the first place. “We should text him and ask him if he wants to join us.”

 

“Oh… yeah, that’s a great idea.”

 

An uneasy feeling dawned on Dave. He had been so comfortable and happy in Karkat’s company that he had forgotten John was at the party too. Heck, he had forgotten he was the main reason he wanted to go to the party on the first place. John had vanished before he talked to Dirk and probably hadn’t come back because he was hoping his two friends were finally talking things out.

 

He felt as if he had just swallowed a brick.

 

Since the three teens had been the best of bros before all the drama stirred, it would be natural to assume that the three of them would be part of Karkat’s slumber party idea, but Dave had just realized that now everything was back to where it was the year before: John didn’t have a girlfriend, Karkat and Dave were friends, and they could all hang out together again.

 

And John didn’t have a girlfriend.

 

Dave squirmed in his place without realizing.

 

Would it be weird? Was it going to happen again? He had been doing so good, staying away and minding his own business. He didn’t want to get his hopes up again. But could he really control that? What if John got another girlfriend and everything repeated itself all over?

 

He felt in complete despair, trapped with those thoughts inside his head. But he couldn’t tell Karkat. He was probably just overthinking. He had learned a lot from fucking up, so maybe he was exaggerating and had nothing to worry about, right?

 

...

 

...Right?

 

He looked over at his friend, who had taken out his phone and had his face bathed in the white light coming from the screen.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“I’m texting John. I’m telling him to take my guitar and his ass here so we can leave together without making shit weird for everyone at the campfire.”

 

And then Dave remembered he had kicked a guest and yelled at him infront of everyone at the party. And he felt embarrassed again, but not long enough. As he was thinking about his shameful anger display he thought again of what Karkat had just said.

 

“Wait, why can’t you go get the guitar?” Dave asked confused. “I am the one who would make shit awkward by going back. You can just go, take the guitar and John, and then bounce. Can’t you?”

 

Karkat didn’t reply right away. He seemed uncomfortable.

 

Dave’s insistent eyes forced him to speak.

 

“Ugh. I was… sort of on a date, tonight.” he admitted between his teeth.

 

“A date…? Wait.” Dave was able to connect the dots right away but he still gawked in shock. “Do you mean you came here with Peixes as your date???”

 

“Shhhh! Don’t say it like that…”

 

“How the hell am I supposed to say it?” for some reason the idea seemed hilarious to him now. “You have been here with me dealing with our manpain longer than you were at the party with a crazy purple-blood! She’s going to fucking murder you, man.”

 

“I believe a murder by a Highblood's hand in the middle of a party counts as making shit awkward, don't you think, Dave??? Ugh. And stop looking at me like that. I’m not telling you shit about it. It’s embarrassing.”

 

“You seem to be forgetting you have agreed to have a slumber party with me and John.” as he said that, Karkat seemed to realize what Dave meant and he looked horrified. “Do you really think you can go a whole night without us forcing it out of you?”

 

“Fuck.” Karkat facepalmed himself with a little too much force.

 

“Ouch. Are you okay?”

 

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Perfectly fine. Fucking dandy indeed. Don’t even mind me. I’ll just be here burying myself alive in the sand while John comes back. Hopefully I will have already asphyxiated and died by then.”

 

Dave smiled.

  
God, he really had missed him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Might be back next week. Although I'm no longer sure.
> 
> Let me know what you think about today's chapter?
> 
> xo.Ro.


	8. Little Big Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave got his two best friends back, like the old times.
> 
> But things aren't exactly the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back.
> 
> Wish I had an excuse or something haha. It's been really hard to stay motivated, but I'm also too invested in this story and I don't wanna let it die so, here I am.
> 
> I wish I could tell you why this and the next chapter are so important without spoiling anything, but since I can't I guess all I can do is hope that you read them and find the hints while you also enjoy some silliness. I want to think you'll be able to see the change of Dave's thoughts after everything that has happened... and that will continue happening.

_Chapter 8_

**Little Big Secrets**

 

 

“So let me get this straight.”

 

“I mean, you can try.”

 

“You guys stopped talking over ambiguous circumstances and wouldn’t even look at each other for YEARS-”

 

“John, it was literally ten months.”

 

“-and you still won’t tell me what happened?”

 

From the copilot seat to the back seat, Dave and Karkat exchanged glances.

 

“It’s all water under the bridge now, man.” Dave said shrugging a bit. John exhaled in exasperation. “Hey, be fucking grateful we can all hang out together again instead of throwing shit at us for not hating our guts anymore.”

 

John seemed to compare notes in his head.

 

“I guess you’re right.” he said eyeing Dave with a short smile. “I’m actually very happy to see you guys getting along again. I’m just surprised, I guess.”

 

The old grey sedan cursed through the city’s streets at a good pace. Everything was closed or shutting down at that hour, and there were barely any other people driving around.

 

The reunited gang had already armed themselves with food at Yang’s and bought enough snacks at the convenience store to feed an army.

 

When they arrived to Dave’s place everything was quiet and all the lights inside the building were off. Dave reminded them they should keep it low because Bro had been working a lot recently, so he was probably passed out in his bedroom or the couch but would definitely kill in sight if he were to be awaken. He hadn’t even replied to the message about John and Karkat staying over, but he had never minded Dave’s friends, so he just assumed he’d be cool with it.

 

They left Bro’s chinese in the kitchen and took the rest of the goods to Dave’s room as stealthily as possible.

 

"We are like fucking ninjas breaking into a museum," John whispered way more excited than he was meant to.

 

"A Museum of Dirty Laundry and Trash, it seems," Karkat scoffed looking around when they walked into the bedroom and Dave turned on the light.

 

"Hey Ninjas, shut the fuck up? You are doing a shit job at being Ninjas."

 

After several minutes of more formalities of the kind, the three of them settled on Dave’s bed with their food containers on their laps and a laptop before them. The bed was wide enough for all of them to sit next to each other, but there wasn’t much room to move around, so Dave remained on the far right next to John to reach the keyboard easily.

 

They looked up a movie John suggested. Apparently, he had watched it a while ago and enjoyed it a lot, but Dave was shocked to find out he didn’t recognize any of the actors in it.

 

"Really? No Nicholas Cage? No Matthew Mcconaghey?? What even made you like this movie so much on the first place if it didn’t have Nic Cage?" Dave asked scrolling through the cast and summary displaying on the page while the movie loaded.

 

John looked amused.

 

"Uhm… I don’t know? The story was pretty cool? The production was also great,” he rolled his eyes at him. “Sheesh Dave, it’s been so long since I watched a movie just because it had Nic Cage on it. He’s not even that good an actor.”

 

Dave didn’t say anything. He just let go a disperse "huh", and hit play.

 

He had a hard time trying to pay attention to the movie; he barely got the gist of it. He was busier trying to look as chill as possible, hiding the fact that John's words had him feeling out of place and uncomfortable.

 

It wasn’t the first time he thought he was predicting John’s thoughts, only to learn he was getting ahead of himself. That had never happened when they were younger, but in the past year it had become a recurring situation.

 

He was so familiar with his childhood habits and quirks that it almost hurt whenever he realized he had outgrown one.

 

Dave told himself that aging did that to people. That he shouldn’t be surprised. He had also changed his mind about a ton of shit in just a couple of years, but he couldn’t help noticing that John had begun doing that constantly once he and Serket became closer. Around the same time he stopped hanging out with Dave as much.

 

And he hated it.

 

But there was nothing he could do.

 

So he just sat there on his bitterness. He ate mostly in silence, just talking to point out cool and lame things in the movie to trigger John’s comments and ridiculous arguments. Karkat liked to chime in too, which was extremely gratifying whenever he agreed with him and pissed off John.

 

At least that hadn’t changed.

 

By the end of the film they had set the empty chinese food containers on the nightstand and had their backs resting against the bed’s headboard. The discussion kept going. Karkat had leaned forward and turned his head just to look directly at John and bicker about the movie and the actors.

 

Dave smiled. He had forgotten Karkat was a movie nerd too.

 

After such a long day, he had opted to stop participating and just listen, feeling his body praying for sleep but being too amused to shut down the movie club debate just yet. Karkat and John didn’t even look tired. John was rolling his eyes and sighing exasperatedly while Karkat made angry hand movements to emphasize his words.

 

“Ugh, seriously Karkat, you are being such a pain in the ass! It’s just a movie!” John complained.

 

"Then I guess you will have to remember how much of an ass-pain I am next time you suggest a carbon motion picture with non-existent character development and very bad direction," Karkat fired back. Dave made an ‘oooooh shit!’ that earned him a good jab from John. "I can’t believe you made us sit through two hours of this cinematic piece of regurgitated garbage."

 

"Shut up, Dave!” Another jab. Dave laughed, John was trying not to. He looked at Karkat and crossed his arms. “Okay, maybe, just MAYBE, my movie taste isn’t the best, or the coolest ever! But I would watch The Hitman a million times in a row before letting you choose There’s Something About Mary or something boring and cheesy like that.”

 

"Fuck you, that movie is a contemporary classic!" Karkat’s eyes looked for Dave. “Dave, tell this shit-consuming heathen that There’s Something About Mary is a fucking masterpiece.”

 

"Is that the one with Ben Stiller and Cameron Diaz?" Dave wondered out loud. His two friends confirmed immediately, two widely different expressions in each of their faces. "Oh shit. Sorry, man. I have to go with Karkat on this one.”

 

“HA! Fucking told you.”

 

“What!! Are you serious???”

 

“Hey, it’s cheesy as fuck yes, but it’s a goddamn classic. It’s like My Best Friend’s Wedding. Everybody knows that Julia Roberts had no business messing with that man anymore but she was a fucking delight so everyone loved it regardless.”

 

“The man marrying Cameron Diaz, mind you.”

 

“Oh my god that’s right she’s in that movie too. We have come full 90’s Cameron Diaz circle. See, maybe that’s what The Hitman needed. To be made in the 90’s and have Cameron Diaz in it.”

 

"Fine!” John’s frustration had shifted to resignation. His arms remained tightly crossed but he wasn’t looking at any of his friends now. “Sheesh, I get it already! I know The Hitman is not that good, okay? I just thought it was kinda cool with all the tricks he did and all that. When Vriska brought it in DVD for my birthday we had fun with it. I don’t know why you guys are being such jerks about it, you could at least accept that Agent 47 is a badass!"

 

It was like if someone had dropped a plate and John hadn’t been able to hear it breaking. Dave and Karkat exchanged glances. A second later John realized what he had just said. His frown disappeared.

 

"Oh...  right. I forgot to mention…"

 

"No, don’t worry," Dave put a hand on his shoulder. "We know."

 

John blinked perplexed.

 

"What? You do?"

 

"Jesus fuck, John. Everybody and their fucking grandma know," Karkat rolled his eyes, incredulous. "You changed your profile picture to a Ghostbusters character instead of the picture you had with her, and you don’t have each other as friends anymore. Did you seriously expect people not to notice?"

 

Both John and Dave stared.

 

"Wow, hold on, how the fuck do you know that?" Dave inquired both confused and impressed. "Karkat, are you some kind of modern creepy version of Sherlock Holmes, but like, the dating edition?"

 

"I just pay attention to my social media, calm the fuck down. How did you find out then, you oh so totally not creepy dude who wears shades even indoors?"

 

"My eyes are fucking sensitive to light and you know it. Also, Rose told me." He looked at John again and put his arm around his shoulders. "It’s fine, man. You know you can talk about it with us, okay? We’ll help you sort out your feelings and all that shit and then we’ll drive to her house and TP the fuck out of it. Not even her car will be safe."

 

"I don’t think she has a car."

 

"Karkat you are ruining my revenge fantasy, fuck off. Go imagine your own TP’d-car free revenge.”

 

"Wait... " an expression of confusion had been growing on John’s face until that moment, when he spoke slow and thin. "You think Vriska broke up with me?"

 

Silence.

 

"Well I was ninety-nine percent sure, right before you said _that_. Now I suddenly understand nothing."

 

"Wait you- YOU broke up with Vriska!?" Karkat realized out loud.

 

"Oh my god," John covered his face with one hand. "Can we please not do this?"

 

But they did. They had to.

 

It was weird. The whole time, Dave (and probably everyone else) thought that Vriska had grown tired of his toy boyfriend and set him aside, but now they were finding out it was John who had decided to break things up. And apparently things weren’t even in a particular need to be broken up. They were pretty okay actually. Dave could recall them going to the movies the day before.

 

“Well, I still like her, you know?” John said shrugging some. “I just noticed that we are essentially just friends who hold hands and make out sometimes. And I guess now that some time has passed I sort of… got used to it? And I don’t mind it but I also don’t think it’s that great anymore?? I don’t know. It’s complicated. But she said she knew what I meant.”

 

Dave was in awe, but he couldn’t deny there was a secret victory party going on somewhere in his brain as he listened. He was right. He was right all along. Vriska was never right for John. She was just someone new and exciting he didn’t know what to do with.

 

They talked some more about it, but there wasn’t anything surprising left to hear once John established the relationship had gone stale. He and Vriska wanted to remain friends but they had decided to keep their distance for a while since things were still awkward, as Karkat assured “it was meant to happen”. But aside from that, John didn’t have much more to say on the matter. It was like if the whole one year relationship was just a thing that had started and finished without him being completely aware of it, and now he had already moved on.

 

Dave didn’t understand, but he also didn’t want to complain. He couldn’t help thinking he wished he could travel in time so he could tell 11 months-younger Dave that shit was gonna be a-okay and he could stop having meltdowns over the situation every two days or so. He didn’t have to worry about Serket hurting John nor taking him away from him forever.

 

Then again, who knew if he would have made so much progress getting over John if he hadn’t forced himself to stay away from him and Serket on the first place. So maybe it was a good thing that everything had happened the way it did.

 

"Should we watch another movie or just find something for background noise?" Karkat wondered some time later while scrolling through his email on Dave’s computer.

 

"It’s like four in the morning, Karkat" Dave yawned wrapping himself with his own arms, lying back on the pillows. "Can we like, sleep or something? I’m fucking pooped."

 

"Yeah, I think we should go to bed already,” John agreed looking at his phone to confirm the time. But then he raised his gaze with the seed of an idea sprouting in his eyes. “OR… I could show you something really cool I found the other day on Youtube.”

 

“Is it the keyboard cat video again?” Karkat asked as John took the laptop away from him.

 

“Seen it,” Dave said with his eyes closed. “Not impressed. Looked shifty as fuck. Cats don’t even wear shirts.”

 

"It’s a music video, actually."

 

He looked up something without letting them see the screen. Dave opened his eyes just in time to witness Karkat’s face change from curiosity to full-horror.

 

“John, don’t you fucking dare!”

 

"Oh, come on, Karkat! It’s fucking awesome! Dave has to see it!"

 

Karkat tried to get the computer back but it was useless. John had already found the video and was keeping the laptop away from him and right in front of Dave while it loaded. Dave sat up, suddenly awake.

 

“Wait, what? See what?”

 

"You are being a fucking asshole right now, I swear to god I will destroy you with my bare hands!” Karkat growled between his teeth, clawing John’s arm.

 

"Come oon, Karkat! It’s great and you should be proud!"

 

Dave didn’t even look at them, he had already guessed what he was about to see. He managed to read the title over the video before John clicked on full screen. It was an acoustic cover of some song he didn’t know.

 

Within seconds, he was open-mouthed and in a stumped silence. Karkat was in the video playing the guitar he had brought to the campfire, but contrary to everything Dave could have expected, what was shocking wasn’t how bad he was at it (quite the opposite actually), but the person singing next to him.

 

"Is that Peixes???" Dave blurted out with his eyes glued to the screen. "As in, Meenah fucking Peixes piece of shit sea-dweller who probably eats children while they sleep???"

 

"She’s awesome too, isn’t she??" John beamed excited. He glanced at Karkat maliciously and nudged him with his elbow. "Isn’t she, Karkat??"

 

_[Karkat + Meenah[Sound Reference](https://youtu.be/TB_QDs0O5vs?t=20s)]_

 

"She’s okay I guess…" he mumbled, his arms crossed and an annoyed gesture decorating his flushing red face. "Can we move on already? This is like a year old and fucking obnoxious to look back to. I couldn’t even play without a pick back then."

 

Dave’s awe was cut short by a new kind of surprise. A slightly offended one. He turned to look at him, while the Karkat in the video played the guitar for Meenah’s husky voice to sing to.

 

"How come we didn’t even know you could play?" he asked.

 

Karkat hesitated before speaking.

 

"I… started teaching myself when you mentioned we should start a band."

 

"Oh, I remember that!" John chimed in without noticing Karkat’s ever-growing embarrassment or Dave’s shock. "Fuck, really? Oh my god Karkat, that was a looong time ago! Remember that, Dave? In seventh grade? You said you would play your turntables and I could play the piano, and maybe we could ask Jade and Rose if they still played the flute and the violin. Then you told Karkat he had to learn to play an instrument if he wanted to join…" he thought about it for a second, a confused look on his face. “You know what?? I don’t think Dave was serious about that, Karkat! I think he was just fucking with you."

 

"Thank you John, we got the fucking picture."

 

Meenah’s voice kept filling the room with Karkat’s guitar setting the pace skillfully. Dave felt a mix of shame and a feeling he couldn’t quite put into words. Karkat’s naiveness and desire to become part of the group was ridiculously adorable, and he felt really bad for leading him into believing that he and John had any skill or serious interest in music.

 

But now that he knew about it, the fact that he had shared this interest with a sea-dweller he didn’t seem to like instead of him was starting to bother him. And he didn’t know why.

 

“Well I figured it wasn’t a real offer after several months where you didn’t bring it up again,” Karkat said a little defensive. “I’m not stupid, you know? It’s not like I’ve been waiting for the band thing to happen. I just had already gotten the hang of it, so I kept playing because I liked it.”

 

“But you never told us!” John reproached. The video had ended and he was already looking up a new one. “And you DEFINITELY kept your thing with Meenah super secret too.”

 

“What thing???” Karkat frowned. “I just play for her because some intrusive-ass dude I know noticed I was getting decent at it and introduced me to her. She had been looking for someone to play music over some shit she wrote. I did it because it was good practice.” He saw John open his mouth again, so he interrupted before even giving him a chance. “And no, we are not in any kind of quadrant, okay!? The date thing at the party was just something she suggested, I don’t even know if she even meant it. I just said yes because we had just finished rehearsing and literally had nothing to do afterwards, so can you please shut the fuck up about it already???”

 

“But why didn’t you-”

 

“Because! It’s! Fucking! Embarrassing!” he cut him off again, emphasizing the words with all the contained rage he was allowed to spit without getting a noise complaint at four in the morning. “I didn’t fucking tell you I was acquainted with her and doing the guitar thing because you would connect it to the band idea from centuries ago,  and I would have rather been set ablaze and thrown into a medieval pit of spikes before admitting I thought you were being serious about it at some point. But I guess I just told you because you are an infuriating meddling shithead who won’t shut up otherwise. So, there! Are you happy?? Are you fucking satisfied now, John?? Can we please keep pretending this never happened and move on with our fucking lives?”

 

“Are you kidding me?,” said Dave looking at the new video that was playing. Meenah was rapping to the beat Karkat was knocking onto the guitar’s body in between the string scratching. “This is prime lost treasure right here. A motherfucking Atlantis of secret hobbies all up in this bitch.” Karkat groaned and covered his face. “You are so good at it already, dude. If anything, it’s too bad you didn’t show us before, because I dig it big time.”

 

Karkat uncovered his face a little, looking surprised. Dave pretended not to notice and kept watching the video as he bobbed his head to the beat, but he could tell Karkat was feeling relieved. John silently complied not to torture him any further, and was watching the video with a badly-hidden smirk on his face.

 

Karkat abandoned his defensive position slowly.

 

“You haven’t seen anything. We just uploaded one of Meenah’s original songs and it’s actually pretty good. Move aside, I’ll get it.”

 

Dave saw him pull the computer towards him and start searching for the video as he explained why he had grown to like the song so much even if he had originally hated it. There was sincere excitement hiding in his voice, and his eyes were basically shining. Dave wondered if he was happy just because he could finally share his music with his friends.

 

Somehow it felt like there was something else.

 

It was a ‘something’ spiking up his smile and carrying his words endearingly. And although he wasn’t establishing eye-contact, and even seemed to be avoiding it, his eyes had never looked so alive.

 

It was nice to see him so happy.

 

Dave hoped he would be able to see that expression more often now that he had his best friends back.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　If you like this fic consider giving kudos, subscribing and commenting　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　They are much appreciated and a huge boost for my work and struggling motivation ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> I hope you enjoyed Karkat's secret. Maybe you already know the cliche I'm gonna pull here. Also, I wonder if anyone had already predicted the way Vriska/John thing truly ended?
> 
> Welp, anyway. See you next week! 
> 
> __________________________________________________________________________
> 
> Next chapter preview: 
> 
> _“He’s high,” Rose’s voice explained calmly. Dave didn’t react to her presence, but he was sure that at least she had just gotten there. She was putting away her phone and there was a mean smile on her lips. She was all about his shit shows._
> 
> _“What?? What the fuck? High on what??” but even if Rose found it amusing, for both Karkat and Jade it was a worrisome thing to hear. Karkat pulled him from his shirt’s collar. “What the fuck have you been using??”_
> 
>  
> 
> A shit show.


	9. Life Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is uncertain and scary, but you can choose to ignore it for a while.
> 
> Dave might've chosen a bad day to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the summary for the fic and added some tags because now I have a better grasp of where the story is going, but I think I'm still going to keep the side-ships secret.
> 
> This chapter is a gift to user @hexaS
> 
> Thank you for your constant support, this fic would've probably stopped a while ago if it weren't for your comments! <3
> 
> Hope you like it!

_Chapter 9_

**Life Choices**

 

Days started to go by.

 

And life for Dave was… good. More than good.

 

Fucking sweet, it’s what it was.

 

There was an abysmal difference between life bouncing around, trying to find where to fit and what to do, and life just sticking to his best buds and having fun without thinking too much about it. It was even better because he could now hang out with anyone, without worrying who they were with or if it was a good time to do so.

 

At school, the three friends normally hung out with Jade and Rose, and they both proved to be very happy to see they were close again, although they never said it out loud.

 

Well, Jade did say it almost word for word a couple times. She was too excited to just gloss over it like everyone else. She had plans. And she made sure to let them know the very first day they all sat together at the cafeteria again.

 

“Please promise me you will be there at the lake house for Christmas!” she begged with puppy eyes and her buck-teeth smile. “Don’t make plans, the three of you! It’s the first year my grandpa is not going to be there to watch over us and that means we can go to sleep whenever we want, and that he won’t force us to hunt our own food or drink water from the lake to enjoy nature!”

 

“I don’t know, Jade… My dad is pretty enthusiastic about Christmas. He cooks all day and everything.”

 

“John, this is our last Christmas before god knows how many of us move away or start working or do whatever other thing grown-ups do! We have to be together!”

 

“I wouldn’t say eighteen is being a grown-up…”

 

“Don’t listen to him, Jade. He’s just jealous because he and Karkat have to wait like half a year more than us to stop being poopy-head baby teens. We got this grown-up shit locked and loaded.”

 

“Shut up, Dave! It’s only a four month difference for me!”

 

But what Jade had said was true in the most part, and eventually their conversation evolved into a talk about life after high school.

 

Everyone started sharing their plans and expectations for the next couple years... But Dave was just quiet. He felt very uncomfortable.

 

It was easy to concentrate on fun with friends and ignore school responsibilities, but Dave had begun to realize he was the only one doing that.

 

All of his close friends seemed to have a very clear idea of what they wanted to do when they finished high school. And as he listened to them, he felt something heavy and cold growing in the pit of his stomach.

 

Jade was majoring in Astrobiology in Austin, John was considering taking some improv and comedy courses in New York, and Karkat just said ‘Political Science’ without missing a beat. Dave always knew Rose was going to pursue some obscure major that had little to no application in a regular job, so he was not surprised when she mentioned she had chosen Critical Social Thought, exploring the place of thoughts in history and society. Whatever that meant.

 

In short, his best friends had a very good grasp of what they wanted for the future.

 

But he was blank. Completely blank. There was nothing he could study that he was interested in enough to spend thousands of dollars and several years of his life on. And the few things he was good at would never give him a living in the long run anyway. So he was fucked.

 

The thought crossed his mind once or twice in the past years, but now that there was less drama going around, the crushing and terrifying reality started to set in: He didn’t have a plan. He didn’t even have that much time to come up with a plan on the first place. He was graduating in seven months.

 

Seven fucking months.

 

The sole thought made him want to scream.

 

He imagined that was as good time as any to lose his mind, but he chose to rush home after school, lock himself in his bedroom, and smoke until he passed out instead.

 

Silence, at last.

 

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZCDY5gI8s)

 

_________

 

“Dave, are you sure you are okay?”

 

“Hm…? What?” he blinked a couple times and then felt surprised to find out Karkat was right next to him. “Oh my god, Karkat. You are like a real ninja now. All stealthy and shit. Didn’t even see you comin’... wow. That sounded so fucking wrong, don’t take it out of context.”

 

Karkat stared for a couple seconds and then turned his head to look at Jade, who just shrugged in the same state of confusion. Dave had the impression that he was missing something, so he looked around.

 

First fun fact: He wasn’t in his bedroom anymore. He was in the middle of a plaza with a fountain, standing next to his two friends.

 

Suddenly, he remembered. He had agreed to go to the movies in the evening with them. Apparently, he had forgotten all about it when he smoked himself to sleep, but was then reminded by a text message that at some point made him leave his room, and for the looks of it, he had somehow found his way to the main mall downtown.

 

Oh, right. He had asked Dirk for a ride. Now, that made more sense than his stoned self finding his way through bus stops and busy roads and street names he would forget immediately.

 

“He’s high,” Rose’s voice explained calmly. Dave didn’t react to her presence, but he was sure that at least _she_ had just gotten there. She was putting away her phone and there was a mean smile on her lips. She was all about his shit shows.

 

“What?? What the fuck? High on what??” but even if Rose found it amusing, for both Karkat and Jade it was a worrisome thing to hear. Karkat pulled him from his shirt’s collar. “What the fuck have you been using??”

 

“Fuck, Karkat, not this again,” he complained in a tired voice, pushing his hands away almost effortlessly. “It’s just pot, man. I needed to chill, alright? Where the fuck is John anyway?”

 

“He’ll be here in fifteen minutes, he had to run an errand for his Nanna first,” Jade responded while she kept examining him carefully. “Are you sure you should go to the cinema with us? Do you want to get some water or something that can tune it down?”

 

“Jade, I’m okay. Believe me. Even if water helped, I wouldn’t wanna tune down nothing. I’m doing better than Aladin’s fucking genie when he freed him from his cuffs and let him fly away and vacation around the goddamn world. I’m like Fordo fucking Baggins when he returned to the Shire and got to sit down and have a piece of sweet delicious pie and forget about the ring and Sauron and Dumbledore and all those crazy dudes. Just a little hobbit. In his tight and cozy hobbit hole. Having a good fucking piece of pumpkin pie. Living the life.”

 

Karkat looked at Rose again, his eyebrows high up and skeptical.

 

“You are the authority of wizards among us, and you are just going to brush off that he got Dumbledore and Gandalf mixed up? Are you _that_ sure that he’s going to be okay?”

 

“He’ll be fine, I’ll keep an eye on him,” she replied calmly, patting Dave’s cheek. He moved away instinctively and groaned in response. “Let’s go get the tickets. John can pay us when he gets here.”

 

To get to the section with the cinema they had to cross the plaza and go to the other side of the building. They walked together, talking casually about the movie options they had already considered.

 

Well, Dave didn’t really talk.

 

His mind was wandering, but he felt alright. He just followed his friends and listened to their conversation while he thought about how long the hallways were, and how the sound of _his_ steps was a lot louder than theirs. He was wearing regular sneakers, but he was sure they were making a ruckus. He was surprised no one had told him to stop disturbing the peace yet. He tried to walk _softly_ but Rose told him to hurry up.

 

He noticed Karkat sending him nervous looks from time to time, like if he wanted to check he was still there or that he wasn’t gonna drop or trip with something. He had never seen him baked, and Dave was starting to think he had never been in the presence of someone who was.

 

When they got to the cinema, Karkat pulled him gently from his sleeve so he wouldn’t keep walking in a straight line by himself. Dave just followed him obediently to get in line for the tickets. He smiled to himself. What a sweet dude Karkat was.

 

But when they stood behind the last group of people in line, Karkat disappeared. Or that’s the impression Dave had. He was walking right next to him and then he was gone.

 

Dave looked around confused, but he found him right away. He was hiding behind Jade for some reason. She had also noticed that behaviour wasn’t normal even for him.

 

“What’s wrong Karkat?” she asked concerned.

 

“Shhhhh… she’s going to hear you!” he hissed almost desperately.

 

“Who?”

 

“Hey yo, Shouty!”

 

“Fuck.”

 

And now Meenah Peixes was there. Dave wondered when people were going to stop showing up without previous warning. Although at least this time everyone else was surprised too.

 

Short black hair with two thin and long braids. Meenah had shark-like teeth, and she wore pink glasses that looked like swimmer goggles. Apparently she had been hanging around close by, so Karkat’s hiding maneuver failing miserably wasn't much of a shock.

 

She also had company. A troll with thunder-like horns and old-fashioned hairdo, and a Serket. Aranea, the less shitty one. She was very similar to Vriska in looks, something Dave personally didn't appreciate, although he had to admit that she was a lot more pleasant altogether.

 

The two trolls stayed back and waited for Meenah to return, but they were discreetly looking in their direction.

 

“Oh, it is you, Shouty! What? You hindin’ from me or somefin?” Meenah asked in a playful voice Dave would’ve never expected to hear from her. Although the fish pun wasn’t that surprising. Some sea-dwellers did that.

 

“Hey, Meenah,” a reluctant Karkat greeted, not looking at her in the eye.

 

“Where the shell ‘ave you been?” her arm moved too fast for Karkat to escape, and just a second later, she had it around his shoulder to keep him close. “I tried to call ya like a bazillion times and you wouldn’t pick up.”

 

Dave felt immediately annoyed. He knew Karkat wasn’t big on physical contact, especially with people who weren’t close to him.

 

“Sorry, I’ve been… busy.”

 

Dave caught on Jade’s worried look. She was probably thinking the same as him. Karkat was clearly not into whatever the fish troll wanted with him, but he also didn’t know how to shake her off. Or maybe he knew but he was scared to do so. Whatever the case was, Meenah was either clueless or too used to it to care.

 

“I hear ya, boat since we’re already here, whatdya’say we watch a movie and then head back to my hive to finish up that song you wrote? That sounded dope.”

 

Dave’s eyebrows had reached their first floor. He was looking at Meenah and feeling his relaxed and chill state dissipating. He didn’t use to have an opinion on her, but now he knew he didn’t like her one bit. And he didn’t like that she was just there to shove her agenda down Karkat’s throat and was clearly expecting no resistance.

 

“I don’t know… I sort of had plans already.” he was still not looking at her. Meenah chuckled and Dave’s jaw tightened in response.

 

“Pffftt, don’t worry ‘boat it. I ain’t stealin’ ya and then runnin’ y’know? I was thinkin’ we could watch the movie with ya and your… fronds.” she finally acknowledged the three people standing next to Karkat. She smiled at them, showing her pointy teeth with something she probably thought was charm. “S’cool with y’all, right?”

 

Rose and Jade exchanged glances. Jade was about to speak, but Dave couldn't hold back on time and interrupted her polite response.

 

“Man, you love making a shit ton assumptions, don’t you?”

 

Meenah straighten up with her smile gone, but didn’t let go of Karkat. She raised her eyebrows and her eyes narrowed as they got hooked on Dave.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“See, I don’t know if it’s a sea dweller thing, or a colder-blood thing, or if you are just fucking bonkers. Honestly, trolls are not my area of expertise, you might be completely normal for all I know,” he said in a perfectly rational voice, although his brain was slowly realizing that he was probably making a mistake just by opening his mouth. “But that shit you’re doing ain’t right, and since apparently you can’t tell, I’ll be the bearer of bad news and let you know that Karkat doesn’t wanna go anywhere with you ‘cause-”

 

“Dave-” Karkat warned him uselessly.

 

“-You ain’t fucking Alcapone or nothing,” he continued without even hearing him. “You don’t get to choose if people wanna hang out with you or not. And I ain’t shitting on your way of life, believe me, no one could give less of a fuck about how you handle yourself than me, but maybe… i don’t know, try to ask instead of deciding yourself? Because girl, let me tell you right now, you can't read people for shit.”

 

There was a short silence. Jade had her mouth open in surprise, Rose was smiling like a kid on Chrismas morning, and Karkat just looked like he was about to scream.

 

“You tryin’ to pike a fight or somefin’, shades buoy?” Mennah seemed analytical and menacing, the same way a rattlesnake does right before it bites.

 

“Nah, man. It ain’t like that,” Dave put his hands up and shook his head. “Look, all I’m sayin’ is, you are being rude as fuck. We are all here to have a good time, so let’s do that without abducting people or manhandling other people’s boyfriends, ‘kay? We can all get along if we follow these simple rules. It’s not rocket science.”

 

There was another silence in which everyone had to replay what they had just heard on their heads. Dave replayed it twice just to be sure he had just said _that_.

 

“I’m sorry,” Meenah broke the silence, squinting her eyes. “The fuck did you just say?” she looked at Karkat, who did his best to hide his shock but was not great at it. His eyes were as big as plates, and he had them nailed on Dave like if he had just turned into a frog in front of him. “This nerd your matesprit?”

 

Dave felt horrible as the gravity of the situation started crushing him. Certainly, he had chosen a dangerous day to smoke a whole bowl. Slow reasoning when trying to save a friend from a violent troll was not the best of situations to be in.

 

Regardless if he could manage to drag the lie long enough, he already had some explaining to do. If it had been Rose, he could have expected her to play along, but Karkat was speechless and clearly not prepared for an improv show of that magnitude.

 

“What the fuck, Karkat. You didn’t tell her?” he inquired with an offended expression. Rose turned away and did her best to muffle her laughter. “Man, I get that you wanted us to be discrete and shit, but you can’t just stop hanging out with someone and not explain to them why.”

 

“Shouty, is this dude for reels?” Meenah asked again, her eyes set on Dave’s stoic face.

 

Karkat closed his eyes and sighed long and loud.

 

“This is not exactly how I wanted you to find out,” he mumbled, his eyes on the ground. Dave felt relieved, and although he was already apologizing in his head, he couldn’t pretend he didn’t enjoy the way Karkat’s face had lighted up. “It sure is… _a big fucking surprise_ for everyone when I tell them.”

 

Meenah removed her arm from over his shoulders and placed both hands on her hips. She didn’t look angry, but didn’t seem precisely happy either. Karkat hesitated and then looked up.

 

“Well it’s a’ight I guess,” she said avoiding his eyes, making a pout and frowning a bit. “I won’t say I’m not dissapointed tho.”

 

“I’m sorry…”

 

“S’cool, s’cool,” she looked back at her friends, then at Karkat once more. “Man, you gotta tell ya homegirl this kinda shit. I almost beat the fuckaoutta ya bf ‘cause I thought he was meddlin’ in my fishnet. Woulda been a hella lot more awkward than just this.”

 

“Agreed. Thanks for not punching the money-maker.”

 

“We’ll talk later,” Mennah said, still looking at Karkat and ignoring Dave completely. “Call me whenever you feel like and we’ll talk boat the channel thang.”

 

“Oh… yeah, of course.”

 

Meenah smirked and patted Karkat’s shoulder, before she turned around and left without even looking at the humans. They watched her reach her friends, exchange a couple words, and then the three of them left.

 

“Well that takes care of it,” Dave said finally breathing again.

 

“Oh, does it? Does it now, Dave?” Karkat inquired in between his teeth. His cheeks were slightly red but he was looking at him like if he was planning at least a hundred different ways to skin him alive.

 

Dave smiled weakly in hopes for sympathy.

 

“John, where are you right now?” that was Rose. She was on the phone. “Okay, we are buying the tickets already. You missed the hell of a show…” She held back a chuckle. Dave could tell she was having the time of her life. “Oh, yes. I’m sure you’ll find it overwhelmingly entertaining as well.”

 

Karkat facepalmed. Dave just wondered if he could manage to escape the country and start a new life as a farmer in Thailand with the twenty-five bucks he had in his pocket.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　If you like this fic consider giving kudos, subscribing and commenting　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　It helps boost my work and my motivation ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> Sorry if my sparkly messages are getting annoying. I legit need to know if people are even reading up to this point, because kudos and hits can end from chapter one.
> 
> Anyway, I'm posting the second part of [The Third Side of The Coin](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8243797/chapters/18890956) next week, keep your eyes open for that Dirkjake sadness.
> 
> _____________________  
>  Next chapter preview:
> 
> _“Well, Rose and I are meeting with some friends in a little bit. We are going to a cool club with live music. Wanna go?”_
> 
> _Dave had his hands inside his jacket’s pockets, so no one could see he was now clenching his fists involuntarily. He felt weird about it. Was he nervous? It was just a simple invitation he was extending to a friend, it was not like if he was asking him to go to prom or something like that._
> 
> _He decided to stop that train of thought immediately._


	10. The Raven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Friends, music, drinks and... a red flag.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not trying to make excuses for my innability to make chapters shorter but
> 
> I swear this time the longness was 10000% unavoidable
> 
> I hope you agree that it was a good decision because of all the events that unfold
> 
> You've been waiting for this anyways so... hopefully you won't mind

_Chapter 10_

**The Raven**

 

The effects of the weed had faded, and the shame was stronger than ever.

 

After the movie, Dave made sure to slip an apology at some point in the evening, but Karkat shrugged it off and told him to forget about it.

 

He wasn’t really sure if it was, but he decided to take it. He didn’t really feel like addressing the matter anyway. Something about that particular episode of carelessness made him feel weird.

 

“I’m going to take Jade home,” John said as they exited the mall together. “Do you guys need a ride?”

 

“No, we’re good, thanks,” as Dave replied, he noticed John’s exhausted face. His mind immediately shifted to worry. “Hey man, you alright?”

 

“Yeah, I told you I didn’t get much sleep,” he dismissed with a little annoyance in his voice. Dave wasn’t sure if that was true. He didn't remember the last three hours that well. “Anyway, we’ll see you next monday.”

 

“Okay… drive safe.”

 

He guessed he could always ask later.

 

Jade put an arm around John’s shoulder and said goodbye to everyone with a smile before they walked off towards the parking lot together. Dave watched them until he couldn’t see them do so anymore.

 

And then, he remembered he had important business to attend.

 

During the movie he had hatched a plan. He wasn't sure Karkat would like it, but maybe it could make up for the awkward time.

 

He turned to look at him.

 

“Yo’ dude, do you have plans right now?”

 

Dave caught on Rose’s surprised face immediately but decided not to acknowledge it for the moment. Karkat seemed caught off guard too.

 

“No…? I just fucking said I’m getting groceries before-”

 

“I meant, cool plans to have fun, idiot.”

 

Karkat looked like he was sitting on a very aggressive comeback, but was probably more curious about wherever Dave was going than in need to burn him down with words.

 

“Not really, no,” he mumbled.

 

“Well, Rose and I are meeting with some friends in a little bit. We are going to a cool club with live music. Wanna go?”

 

Dave had his hands inside his jacket’s pockets, so no one could see he was clenching his fists involuntarily.

 

He felt weird about it. Was he nervous? It was just a simple invitation he was extending to a friend, it was not like if he was asking him to go to prom or something like that.

 

He decided to stop that train of thought immediately.

 

“I guess… that sounds cool,” Karkat finally said, carefully. He looked like he had analyzed the situation and all possible outcomes before replying. “But I don’t have an ID.”

 

Dave laughed at the comment, but stopped as soon as he saw Karkat’s face.

 

“Sorry. Um… don’t worry about the ID. Our boy Mituna used to work there. His friend is letting us all in, right Rose?”

 

“Certainly. And we have previously been to this location too,” she said with a reassuring smile. Dave felt glad she wasn’t making a big deal out of his improvised invitation, even if he hadn’t really checked with her first.  “Don’t worry, Karkat. No one notices our age when we stick together since the rest of our group is over twenty-one.”

 

“I’m not sure I’m comfortable with how normal this is for the two of you,” Karkat admitted looking back and forth from Dave to Rose. “But if you are so sure we won’t get in trouble, then I guess I’m okay with it. I have to text my roommate, though.”

 

“Rad. Tell him we are going to my place so he doesn’t give you too much shit.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know how to lie about my whereabouts, Dave. I’m seventeen.”

 

Karkat pulled out his phone and started looking through his contacts.

 

“I hope I’m not prying by asking, Karkat,” Rose suddenly said, an intrigued look on her face. “But you just said roommate, right? Does that mean you live alone with him, without any adult supervision?”

 

“Why are you asking?” It didn't look like he wanted to elaborate on it, he hadn’t even raised his gaze from his phone.

 

“You go to school with us, and you don’t have a job,” she pointed out, either unaware or unaffected by his cold tone of voice. “Or at least not that I know of. If I may ask, how did you accomplish this? I know I wouldn’t mind having such liberties myself.”

 

Karkat rolled his eyes and sighed.

 

“I just call him my roommate for the lack of a better word,” he said while typing on his phone. He was frowning now. “He’s the other wiggler my Guardian got from the Mothergrub years before he got me. We have nothing in common and I can’t stand the shithead, so we just share the hive our Guardian owns without interacting more than necessary.”

 

“Woah wait, what?” Dave jumped. That was the first time he heard about that too. “Are you telling me your roommate is actually your brother??”

 

In the three years he had known Karkat, he had never mentioned his family. In Dave’s experience, as someone who hadn’t seen his parents in years, that was an indication not to be nosy. Asking about it could be inappropriate, or maybe would put Karkat in a difficult position. He didn't want to ask if Karkat hadn’t chosen to tell him first.

 

Karkat made a face. He was aware he had been careless with his words.

 

“Jesus fuck, Dave. Don’t make it sound like I’ve had him locked in the fucking attic all this time,” he complained, putting away his phone and then looking at him. “We might share our Guardian’s genes, but that doesn’t mean we should be close. Or even like each other.”

 

“Harsh,” Rose observed, raising her brows a bit. “But practical. I like it.”

 

“Anyway I told him already so I guess we are good to go.”

 

Rose and Dave both knew that was the end of that.

 

“Let us bounce then,” Rose smiled, addressing Dave an amused look. She was probably as intrigued as he was about the night they were about to have in Karkat’s company.

 

They waited for Mituna and Latula to pick them up at the mall. They arrived twenty minutes later and both of them were very welcoming of Karkat’s presence too, which was a relief for Dave.

 

The three of them got in the back of Latula’s sedan and left the mall together.

 

\-----

When they got to the club fifteen minutes later, they found a few people waiting in line to get in. A tall troll with tangled and puffy hair was standing in the entrance with his arms crossed. The group stayed behind Mituna, who ignored the line and just walked up to him to deliver a high-five.

 

“Sup’ Kurloz, my man!” he beamed with a big smile. Kurloz smiled back and made a movement with his hand that Dave could only guess was ‘hello’ in sign language. The skeleton makeup he was wearing made his smile look a lot less friendly. “Tula and I are meeting with the rest of the guys. We brought some friends, hope you don’t mind.”

 

Kurloz looked at the humans and the troll standing next to Mituna. It was a long stare, quiet and expressionless. Dave didn’t like it one bit. It looked like the troll didn’t know blinking was a thing. Or that Halloween was over.

 

He could tell Karkat was also weirded out by him because he was suddenly pretending to be extremely interested in the raven-shaped neon sign above the club, his arms crossed and his lips pursed like an art critic in the middle of his judgement of a cryptic art piece.

 

Kurloz finally went back to looking at Mituna and smiled once more, doing a thumbs-up as his only answer. Mituna patted him on the shoulder and walked into the club with Latula. Dave and Karkat followed them immediately without even looking at Kurloz, but Dave heard Rose thanking him behind them.

 

The club was small, so it looked crowded even though there weren’t that many people in there. The stage occupied a good twenty percent of the whole place, and the few tables were very tiny, with the sole purpose of letting people put down their drinks.

 

They found Porrim, Damara and Rufioh sitting by the bar and drinking beer. Damara spotted them first, and her curious stare made Rufioh and Porrim look in their direction too.

 

“Oh, this is an interesting face,” Porrim said as she saw them approach. Her eyes were set on Karkat, and she seemed extremely amused for some reason. “Are you related to Kankri Vantas, perhaps?”

 

“Our guardian happened to reproduce twice, yes,” Karkat replied with an annoyed expression. Latula laughed at that. “But I would appreciate if he wasn’t notified of my presence here tonight. If you know anything about Kankri, you probably know why I’m telling you this.”

 

“Of course,” Porrim chuckled. “That goes without saying, darling. Forgive my intrusiveness, I was just surprised to see his younger brother is friends with our favorite humans. The world is as small as it gets, it seems. Karkat, right? I’m Porrim. A pleasure to finally meet you.”

 

“Yeah, nice to meet you too,” he answered, now looking embarrassed about his initial bluntness. Dave could tell Porrim’s _momness_ had worked its magic once more. “Hi Rufioh.”

 

“Hey there, Karkat” he greeted with a smile. “Nice to see you here. Gonna look out for Dave so he doesn’t start more fights?”

 

Rose and Karkat both snorted and eyed at Dave, who was now exhibiting his middle finger for Rufioh to see. He and Damara laughed.

 

“I’m going to order more beers, you guys want any?”

 

____

 

The night started off smoothly.

 

Dave was both relieved and pleased seeing his friends interacting with Karkat naturally, and even more once he slowly started to feel comfortable around them too. They stayed by the bar and drank and talked for the first hour or so. The atmosphere in the place was relaxed and the music playing was exactly the off-the-grid kind they all liked.

 

At some point of the evening, Damara and Porrim excused themselves and went somewhere together. A few minutes later, when Latula was in the middle of a story about the last online tournament she had won, someone turned down the lights.

 

People cheered.

 

The stage lighted up without previous warning, revealing a drum kit, a keyboard, and four individuals. Porrim and Damara were two of them. Damara was behind the drums and Porrim was carrying a bass guitar.

 

“Oh, this is the group I told you about,” Dave said nudging Karkat. He had to speak a little louder so he could hear him over the people whistling and clapping. “The Megidos started it awhile back, but now that Porrim and her sister joined them they play live shows every now and then. I think you would like their music.”

 

As he said that, a troll with curly horns and an acoustic guitar hanging from her shoulder took over the mic. She looked a lot like Damara, except her expression was a lot friendlier.

 

“Hello The Raven, how are you doing tonight?” She said in a cheerful voice. “My name is Aradia, these are Kanaya, Porrim, and Damara. We are Of Horns And Fangs, and we are going to play a few songs for you tonight. I hope you have fun!”

 

There was more cheering. Kanaya, slender and with fine traits, was behind the keyboard. She started playing a slow tune for Aradia to harmonize to. Damara hit the cymbals to a one-two-three, and they all started playing.

 

[[Sound claim]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f55KlPe81Yw)

 

Dave really liked the band. They played a mix of several styles he liked, and all of the trolls sang and played. It was an interesting combination of sounds and voices.

 

“Hey, am I crazy or did Kanaya attend to our school?” Karkat suddenly said, leaning towards Dave just enough for him to hear him over the music. “I think I remember her being part of the school’s choir or something.”

 

Dave took a second to answer because the strong smell of alcohol he perceived in Karkat’s breath was very distracting. He glanced at the bar behind them and noticed three empty bottles he had already left behind. He currently had a fourth bottle half-way gone in his hand.

 

“Yeah, she graduated two years ago,” he finally said, “Porrim sneaks her and Aradia to bars all the time for the shows. Oh, also, Rose has a big lesbian crush on her but she’s never even talked to her once.”

 

“Shut up, Dave.”

 

“Whoops, I didn’t think she could hear me,” he said in the exact same volume, making Rose throw a punch at him that his shoulder barely dodged. He got a little closer to Karkat to make sure only he could hear him now. “Hey dude, you doing okay? Maybe watch out for those beers, huh? They pile up easily when you are next to the bar.”

 

“I’m okay,” he brushed it off without even looking at him. His foot was moving to the beat of the drums and there was a pleased smile on his face. “Fuck, this is nice. This is really nice. You were right, Dave, I fucking love this. Thanks for bringing me.”

 

It was hard to pretend to be responsible and take his drink away when he looked like he was having such a good time. Dave felt strangely happy just seeing Karkat relaxed and enjoying himself.

 

He took another sip from his own beer and leaned back against the bar. He guessed he could take care of any collateral damage after they enjoyed the show with the rest of his friends.

 

Unfortunately, Collateral Damage knocked on their door a little earlier than expected.

 

Right when the band was playing their final song, Karkat’s phone started ringing. He looked at the screen for a second and then clumsily found his way towards the bathroom as fast as he could.

 

It was so sudden that no one else seemed to notice he was gone. When Dave told Rose he was going to check on him she just nodded while she kept dancing on her place with her eyes closed and a beer in hand.

 

Dave entered the bathroom and let the door close behind him to muffle the sound of the music.

 

The club’s bathroom was just two stalls and a simple white sink, to which Karkat was now holding onto with one hand as he kept the phone next to his ear with the other one. His eyes were closed. He didn’t look well.

 

“I said I’m sorry,” he was saying in a higher volume than necessary. “I would’ve called you if I knew Kankri wasn’t going to check his fucking phone all night. What do you want me to do?” He opened his eyes and looked at the sink. Dave wondered if he was trying not to puke. “Ugh, I didn’t even think you were back from your trip, and it’s none of your fucking business where I am or what I’m doing…” there was a pause, after which Karkat groaned in annoyance. “Look, if you are going to yell at me over shit we both know you don’t care about, then I rather just wait to get home instead of listening to you right now that I’m out with friends. See you tomorrow.”

 

He put away his phone as soon as he hung up and held onto the sink with both hands. He breathed in and out slowly through his mouth.

 

“Karkat, are you okay?” Dave asked, approaching him hesitantly. Karkat just shook his head but didn’t say anything. “Do you want me to get you some water?”

 

“Why does he pretend to care about what I do?,” Karkat’s voice was shaking. Dave froze on his place. “He’s always too fucking busy to be around, and yet he thinks he has any sort of authority over what I do or where I go. ‘Worried about me’? Ha! What a fucking joke. He’s a pedantic neglecting piece of shit, I don’t owe him anything.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Dave agreed, although he didn’t know what else to say. Karkat’s face was flushed in anger and his eyes weren’t focusing on anything in particular. “Hey, do you want me to call a cab? If you wanna crash at my place tonight that’s fine. You probably need to lie down.”

 

“I don’t fucking want to lie down,” he growled as he walked away from him.

 

Dave watched him lean back against the nearest wall and then let himself slide down until he was sitting on the floor. He picked up his legs and hid his face on his knees.

 

“Karkat?”

 

Karkat’s body shook at the rythm of a sob, which died slowly as a long sigh. Dave started to panic. This was officially a trainwreck in motion.

 

“Hey, hey, Karkat. What’s wrong?” he walked towards him and sat down as well, instinctively putting his arm around him and squeezing his shoulder gently. “Are you feeling okay?”

 

“I’m just… so fucking tired,” he cried softly. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t know why I couldn’t have a normal Guardian like everyone else. Or a normal brother at least. The two of them are so fucking inept when it comes to dealing with people- It’s just. So fucking. Infuriating. They never communicate with me unless they have to, but they still expect me to-be-fucking-nice-to-them and always do what they say like I’m some sort of fucking pet...”

 

“That’s… rough. I’m sorry you have to put up with that.”

 

Dave felt horrible. He didn’t want to see Karkat like that, and he knew the alcohol in his system was playing a good part on how much the whole thing was affecting him. It was all his fault.

 

The band had already finished playing. Dave imagined his friends would like to stay a little longer, but maybe it was better if he just took Karkat home and let him sleep.

 

“I’m sorry I’m being such a fucking downer today of all days,” Karkat sniffled trying to dry his face with his sleeve.

 

“Nah, man. It’s okay.”

 

“It’s not fucking okay, Dave. I just fucking ruined a perfectly good evening for you,” he said with such a sad voice that Dave could swear his heart had just been smashed into pieces. “I was very hap- happy that you asked me to come with you and Rose. But I had to get drunk and become a blubbering mess of personal issues and pathetic blues you have nothing to do with. It’s so- so stupid and embarrassing. I’m so stupid and embarrassing.”

 

“Karkat, shut up already,” Dave said without raising his voice. “I’ve told you it’s okay. I don’t give a shit if you become the goddamn Niagara Falls whenever you drink too much. The bottom line is, I had a good time, and I think you did too. So I say tonight was a success and we fucking nailed this Having A Blast situation. That is all. Class dismissed.”

 

Karkat didn’t answer but Dave caught that timid smile on his lips. The sigh he let go of was shaken by the remains of one last sob. Dave did his best to pretend that wasn’t the cutest shit he had ever heard in his life.

 

“Let me call us a cab, then,” he told him. Karkat just nodded and closed his eyes. “I think Rose said she was gonna call one too, but I don’t think she wants to leave this early.”

 

Karkat wasn’t listening. With his eyes still closed, he tilted his head to the side and rested his temple on Dave’s shoulder. Dave’s body went completely stiff.

 

“I’m glad you followed me..." Karkat mumbled. “It's... I always feel so at peace- so much better when you are around. No one else makes me feel like that. Thank you, Dave.”

 

“Anytime, dude,” he said calmly, as his thumbs aggressively tapped random letters on his phone’s keyboard instead of the text he meant to send Bro. His mind just had gone blank for a second and now his heart was beating too fast.

 

He didn’t know how to react to that. He didn’t even know what to think about it.

 

He was trying not to read between the lines because he could be reading wrong... but just being so overwhelmed by the possibility of finding something was a red flag.

 

A huge red he-was-so-fucked kind of flag.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　If you like this fic consider giving kudos, subscribing and commenting　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　It helps boost my work and my motivation ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> A dime for your thoughts maybe? 
> 
> Anyway next saturday I'm gonna be at the beach so I can't guarantee an update, but I'll do my best.
> 
> Have a nice day.
> 
> xo. Ro.
> 
> _____________________  
>  Next chapter preview:
> 
> _He was such a fucking idiot._
> 
> _He kept telling so to himself over and over. Even if it hadn’t been his fault. Even if he didn’t have any control over it._
> 
> _He was. Such. A fucking. Idiot._
> 
> _How had this happened? Or maybe a better question would be, how was he realizing just now?_


	11. Fighting Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave thought he was over all that emotions bullshit.
> 
> He was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaah I have so many things to say I'm so sorry. I really wanted to update last week but I was in Cancun and had literally so much fun I didn't even touch my computer ahaha fuck.
> 
> Anyway, for those who missed it and are still keeping tabs on Dirk and Jake's relationship status, you might want to check out the new chapter from [The Third Side of The Coin](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8243797/chapters/20046121) before reading this one. Bringin' you up to speed.
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments, I'm happy that you are liking where this is heading. Especial mention to hedgeblog and Paytonian. You are too sweet ;-; <3
> 
> Anyways, I have a thing to consult with you guys but I guess it's better to do it once you read the chapter, so see ya at the ending notes!
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 11**

_ Fighting Back _

 

He was such a fucking idiot.

 

He kept telling so to himself over and over. Even if it hadn’t been his fault. Even if he didn’t have any control over it.

 

He was. Such. A fucking. Idiot.

 

How had this happened? Or maybe a better question would be, how was he realizing  _ just  _ now? It was not like if hearing Karkat say he made him feel good had suddenly triggered those feelings.

 

No. These thoughts had inhabited his brain for a long fucking time, but apparently he had just found them hidden in his Brain Basement, where he kept locked all the dangerous thoughts he should never have. Like the thought where he could easily fall in love with one of his best friends.

 

He had a whole quiet ride home on the back of a taxi with a passed out Karkat sleeping against his shoulder to recall every single instance where his heart had done a fucking acrobatic pirouette off the handle because of him. A whole twenty good minutes of tachycardia spiced up with memories of inadequate thoughts and meaningful moments he had brushed off immediately.

 

It was so obvious. He felt so much joy seeing him smile, and he hated every second he saw him struggle and couldn’t make him feel better. He had called him his boyfriend in a stoned urge to make Meenah Peixes take his hands off of him, for fuck’s sake.

 

Of course he liked Karkat. Who in his right mind wouldn’t? 

 

Perhaps he hadn’t noticed his feelings because he had been trying to get over John for over a year. After all, it is hard to pay attention to your emotions when you’ve been forcefully bottling them up and ignoring them for long periods of time. 

 

He was so used to not acknowledge those rushes of adrenaline anymore, that evidently a good bunch of them had gone undetected by his own radar.

 

But surprisingly, all Karkat had to do to open that Brain Basement trapdoor, was to say something ridiculously sweet in the most honest manner a person could say anything ever: Drunk.

 

There was something about his bathroom confession that made Dave’s heart quiver. It was about being important to him, but also about the tenderness in his voice when he said it. Dave was honestly embarrassed at how happy he felt after hearing it.

 

And now that the realization had fully hit, he was terrified.

 

What was he supposed to do? If he had known the gravity of the situation he wouldn’t have gotten drunk with Karkat on the first place. That was how he kissed John, confessed to him, and almost ruined everything two years before. 

 

And if he had known, he wouldn’t have taken a drunk Karkat to his apartment either. That was how he had sex with Rose for the first time, and almost ruined everything the year before.

 

The morale of the story being, it was too dangerous to be drunk around people he found attractive. He always risked ruining everything. 

 

Although he had to admit he had been extremely lucky in that aspect so far. 

 

That’s why that night, when they arrived to the apartment, he made sure to do things right. He tucked Karkat in his bed, and then left the room immediately, just taking a blanket and a pillow with him to crash on the couch in the living room.

 

He thought sleeping on it would help, but the next morning he was feeling as distressed and upset as he did the night before.

 

Truth was, he didn’t want to feel any of that. He didn’t want to like Karkat. He didn’t want to embark in another fucking quest of yearning and heartbreak. 

 

And for a moment, just for an instance, his brain suggested it didn’t have to be that way. That maybe this time he actually had a chance. Maybe he could find requited love if he pursued Karkat. And maybe he could be happy with him.

 

But as soon as the thought appeared in his head, he made sure to bury it under ten feet of self-depreciation and fear. 

 

He didn’t even want to think of it. 

 

He was not going to ruin his friendship with Karkat over a possibility. Even if Karkat actually liked him, it didn’t matter. The notion of holding hands and kissing was not worth risking something that was so especial to both of them.

 

So he just let it go.

 

Or he tried.

 

For the next few weeks, every interaction with Karkat felt like a battle to the death with his common sense. 

 

One or two times he was forced to abscond because he didn't know how to keep interacting with him without getting nervous and having one of his copyrighted Dave Slips Of The Tongue, in which he would be talking about something random and then somehow derail and say something weird. Like how inadequate it would be if they started making out all of a sudden.

 

Better to play it safe and run whenever he was getting too rambly. 

 

It didn't take long for his friends to realize he was acting weird. He avoided being alone with Karkat at all costs, but sometimes he didn't talk at all when they hung out in small groups, like if he was picturing all the horrible things he could accidentally say if he joined a particular conversation. 

 

It even happened on the day of his birthday, when he had a small reunion with his friends. John and Jade wondered out loud if he was okay a couple times, and even Karkat asked him if he was mad at him at some point. 

 

Dave honestly hoped no one could figure out the reason why he was being like that, but it was once again Rose Lalonde, the official Dave’s Bullshit Interpreter, who destroyed all his secretivity just two weeks later.

 

It was at Jade’s Christmas party, in her Grandfather’s lake house. Sure, it was the 26th and Christmas was technically over, but according to John it was more acceptable to throw a party that day and let everyone enjoy their families during Christmas. Jade had to yield.

 

A couple of their friends were on vacation, but most of the guests had made it to the party. Of course, John, Rose, Karkat and Dave were there; Jade had also invited Tavros, a few friends from school, and Jake, who surprised everyone by arriving to the party with Roxy, Jane and Dirk. They were all smiles and apparently in good terms.

 

For what Dave could understand, Dirk and Jake had talked things out and now remained as friends, but he had opted not to comment on the matter. Partly because he firmly believed it was none of his business, but mostly because he didn’t want to question Dirk’s self-destructive decision and make evident how much of a bad idea he thought that was.

 

Rose’s decisions, on the other hand…

 

“I got your text earlier,” Dave said as she offered him one of the two cups she was holding. He had been looking through the window for fifteen minutes while pretending to appreciate the view of the lake from there. “Sorry I forgot to reply. But man, congrats on taking Porrim’s sister on a date. No offence, but I seriously couldn’t believe you had the guts to talk to her after three years of being a mime version of Bridget Jones.” 

 

Dave was never going to let that one go. Rose had finally started talking to her old crush from freshman year, and he lamented missing such a scandalous moment in history. 

 

“Thank you,” Rose replied calmly, taking Dave by surprise since he was expecting her to sass him in response. “Fortunately, I was intoxicated enough the night at The Raven, so it wasn't particularly challenging to talk to her after the show,” she took a sip from her eggnog and then displayed an innocent smile. “How much do you think you have to drink in order to drag Karkat under the mistletoe, and put an end to your pathetic attempts to not slip and marry him accidentally?”

 

Belated sass delivery.

 

Dave choked on his eggnog.

 

“F-ough-uck! Alright, alright! I deser- deserved that one!” He admitted in between his coughing. “Damn Rose- cough! I haven’t even fully come to terms with this situation. Have some- some fucking mercy, will you?”

 

“I'm afraid that particular virtue has always eluded me.”

 

Dave noticed she was looking around the living room discreetly. Music was playing and the guests were scattered in small groups while chatting. 

 

He knew what she was looking for. He had already spotted him and decided to keep his distance until it was inevitable to run into each other. 

 

It couldn’t take that long. He was on the other side of the room with John, but they were going to exchange presents soon. Dave had bought him a copy of The Notebook as a joke, but after looking through the pages before wrapping it, he realized he had accidentally bought the perfect gift.

 

“Karkat keeps looking this way every now and then,” Rose said with a tiny smirk. She was clearly enjoying herself. “He surely knows something is up. Are you seriously planning to tiptoe around this matter any longer? You know you can’t escape from your feelings forever, Dave.”

 

“Sure I can,” he corrected her without hesitation. “Don't underestimate my ability to run from anything that resembles real talk or personal growth. I rather take this to my grave than to relive the unending nightmare that was loving someone I couldn't be with.”

 

“It seems to me that you are wrongly comparing two oddly specific situations,” She tilted her head to the the side while looking through the window with him. “Do you really think it would be the same? You might not want to hear it, but I had already pondered what could happen if you tried to get with Karkat.”

 

“Oh, had you?” The sarcasm slipped in his voice inevitably. He did remember Rose joking about it once or twice, even way before he proclaimed Karkat as his fake boyfriend. “Do tell.”

 

“You know I consider all possible outcomes at some point,” she shrugged, keeping her shoulders up for a moment. “And I must say... I am under the impression that, if you were to have a relationship with him, it would be a relationship with high chances of succeeding. You two are probably the most compatible match in our group of friends. It’s uncanny, really.”

 

“Please don’t say shit like that,” Dave exhaled in a tired voice. “I told you I’m still coming to terms with it. I didn’t want any of this. I still don’t want it. I’m secretly hoping that there’s some sort of flesh-eating worm making swiss cheese out of my brain and that it will die soon and let me go back to living my renewed numb-to-romantic-feelings life.” He contemplated his eggnog before he drank from it again. A disappointed look took over his face after the sip. “This shit doesn’t have nearly as much rum as it should.”

 

Rose was staring at him in silence. Dave raised an eyebrow at her behind the shades as his only query. She had that face again. That same face she made right before telling him about John and Vriska’s break up.

“I know it's a scary feeling Dave,” she began carefully. “But you have to consider that maybe this could be good for you. I strongly believe that your feelings for Karkat are healthier than the ones you had for John.”

 

“That doesn’t mean shit if I am a master of disaster at relationships altogether,” he insisted while avoiding eye contact. “Look at what happened with Terezi. We still talk but we sure as hell ain’t close. I don’t want to lose one of my best friends again.”

 

“I understand,” Rose nodded. But she remained pensive. “Still, I want you to keep in mind that now you are older and have a better hold of your emotions, which means you are less likely to repeat old mistakes.” Dave looked at her from the corner of his eye. She was smiling. “Whether you choose to try or stay away from him, remember that you have never been more capable of making the right choice. I’m sure you will do what’s best for both of you.”

 

Dave downed the rest of his eggnog instead of replying. He didn’t know what to say. It was too overwhelming to think about that stuff during a party. It didn't help that Rose’s support made him feel like she knew something he didn't. And honestly, he was too scared to ask.

 

Two eggnogs more and a toast with wine later, Dave had soaked his bloodstream with enough alcohol to find his courage and engage in conversation with John and Karkat, now joined by Rose and Jade too.

 

Everything was going great. He felt tipsy and silly, but he knew he was in control of himself the whole time, which was good. He didn't dare get shitfaced in a party that had Karkat in it. And luckily for him, Karkat didn't even seem to be drinking this time.

 

After chatting animously for a while about the vacation period, they exchanged presents on the sofa. 

 

Dave got Snoop Dogg's autobiography, a scarf with a matching knitted hat, and a pair of headphones from John, Rose and Jade respectively. He enjoyed their faces as they opened the presents he had bought for them, and even managed to give Karkat his without being awkward about it. He was happy to see that he liked it a lot. 

 

But just as Karkat was putting the book in the bag where he had the rest of his presents, his phone started to ring. His face immediately morphed into annoyance.

 

“Ugh. I’ll be right back.”

 

He didn’t even give anyone the chance to reply. He stood up from the couch and headed outside without another word, away from the music and noisy people. 

 

“I guess it was something important,” John said, looking surprised. “Do you think he’s okay?”

 

Dave was wondering the same. The situation reminded him of the night at the club, specifically their chat in the bathroom. It wasn’t hard to guess who was calling.

 

“Why don’t you go check on him, Dave?” Rose inquired out of the blue. Dave raised both eyebrows this time. “We can start setting up the karaoke while you do that.”

 

“Oh yeah! We should set up everything already!,” Jade jumped with a smile. “I got a very good collection of karaoke CD’s, it’s going to be fun!”

 

“Yikes, do we all have to sing?”

 

Dave took some time to react. Jade and John didn't seem to notice that he and Rose were now in the middle of a wordless argument that only required their eyes.

 

“Alright, I’ll go check on him,” Dave gave in after a few seconds. He did want to make sure Karkat was okay, but he hated Rose for blantly kicking him out of his safe zone to make him face his demons. “No one sing ICP without me. I’ll be back in a sec.”

 

Gathering all his remaining inebriated bravery, he stood up and followed Karkat’s steps, crossing the living room and finding his way towards the front door.

 

[[S]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1YkvfMXlwg)

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Yeah. It's happening. Hope you checked out the song at the end too hehehe.
> 
> Now, I gotta consult two things with you. BEAR WITH ME PLS
> 
> 1) **About Rosemary.** I have a draft of a side-fic explaining what happened after Karkat and Dave left The Raven and Rose talked to Kanaya for the first time. I've been pondering turning it into an official fic with three chapters (like the Dirkjake one) and obviously it will continue following the main story's timeline as well.  
>  Would anyone be interested in me posting that?
> 
> 2) **About the future of this fic.** I'm kind of embarrassed at how long it got before we got to this point, so I gotta ask you. The following information might be a little spoilerish, but I feel like the tags in this fic have always been self-explanatory and I'm not shocking anyone with it. Y'all came for the Davekats anyway.
> 
> I originally had planned 20 chapters for this fic, but as I built more situations and relationships around the main plot I realized that was not gonna be the case anymore. **So we got two options right now...**
> 
> **A) Drag you all into the pits of Davekat Falling In Love Shangri-La for the next few chapters and end it sooner with a cheesy ending**
> 
> **B) Do the Falling In Love Shangri-La and THEN take you past that, following the original plot and taking Davekat to the Domestic Level while the story continues. This would probably end up being a 30 chapter fic.**
> 
> What I'm tryin' to say is, I'm not sure that many people want this thing to go that far on the first place, so I rather check first. So lemme know what you think I guess?? A or B?
> 
> Anyway I'm done here, sparkly notes and preview time:
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　If you like this fic consider giving kudos, subscribing and commenting　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　It helps boost my work and my motivation ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> __________  
>  Next Chapter Preview:
> 
> _Dave spotted Karkat, sitting at the very end of the deck, his legs hanging from the edge while he was looking up to the sky. He didn’t seem to be on the phone anymore._
> 
> _Dave breathed in and out. He hadn’t been alone with Karkat for almost a month now, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about talking to him._
> 
> _Rose knew something he didn’t. But he was mostly in the dark, and terrified of making a mistake. He was still unsure if he could handle the truth of his own emotions.  
>  _
> 
> See you next week!  
>  xo. Ro


	12. Giving In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of presents and confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first of all let me thank you all who commented. 
> 
> I was not expecting that many people to be reading this far and even less to be invested enough to want a longer fic. I'm glad that's the case though.
> 
>  
> 
> As usual I still have a few things to say but that's going to have to wait after you read this chapter. 
> 
> It's funny that I didn't time it or anything but the fic's timeline still synched almost perfectly with our calendar... so, happy holidays! 
> 
> Here's your early present from me.

**Chapter 12**

_Giving In_

 

Dave exited the house and looked around for Karkat.

 

It was quite dark outside, but the lights from the house and the main entrance were enough to illuminate the grounds and the deck nearby.

 

Dave spotted Karkat, sitting at the very end of the deck, his legs hanging from the edge while he was looking up to the sky. He didn’t seem to be on the phone anymore.

 

Dave breathed in and out. He hadn’t been alone with Karkat for almost a month now, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about talking to him.

 

Rose knew something he didn’t. But he was mostly in the dark, and terrified of making a mistake. He was still unsure if he could handle the truth of his own emotions.

 

He walked towards Karkat, being aware that the sound of his steps on the wood deck would alert him of his presence. Everything else was quiet. There was no wind, but the temperature was pretty low.

 

He sat down at the edge of the deck too, and Karkat looked at him do it but didn't say anything.

 

Rough start.

 

“It’s so calm out here, huh?” Dave said, watching the stars reflecting on the dark surface of the lake. 

 

Karkat didn't reply. He looked surprised to see him there. Dave bit his tongue for a second and tried again.

 

“Was that your Guardian?”

 

Karkat looked down at his phone. He was holding it with both hands on top of his lap. There was resignation mixed with some bitterness in his eyes.

 

“Yeah,” he mumbled. Dave made sure to hold back his sigh of relief. At least the worst part was over. “I guess he could tell I had been drinking that night at the club, so now he wants to make sure I’m not mindlessly intoxicating myself for fun every time I go out.”

 

“I'm sorry that happened,” Dave said softly. He truly was sorry. “Maybe it wasn't a great idea to make you change your plans so suddenly that day.”

 

“It’s okay. I had fun,” Karkat shrugged, the phantom of a smile on his lips. “Plus, even if my dad is rarely home, he is stupidly overbearing. I only accelerated the process of him freaking out on me by actually doing something inappropriate for once in my fucking life.”

 

Dave took a second to reply. He was taken aback.

 

“You called him ‘Dad’ just now.”

 

Karkat looked away. He was visibly embarrassed.

 

“Well he _is_ my dad,” he said shrugging again. “I just stopped calling him that since I learned human names for such relationships didn't exist in our culture, back in our home planet.”

 

“Oh, right. Trolls raised themselves in Alternia, didn’t they?” Dave gave himself a metaphorical golden star for being able to remember that. At least now he could say he actually learned something from his Alternian History class.

 

“Yeah, Drones helped wigglers build up hives and Lusii provided them with food and protection from predators,” Karkat explained. But then he made a face. “I guess it is a very teen-angsty thing to do, isn’t it?”

 

“To let giant monsters feed you until you learn to do it yourself? Can’t say I relate. I just close the door of my bedroom very hard when my brothers make me angry.”

 

Karkat _almost_ laughed.

 

“To refuse to call him and Kankri my dad and my brother respectively because I don't like them,” He clarified, his eyes nailed on his phone again. He let go a bitter chuckle. “How more pathetic can I possibly be? I didn’t even get to live in Alternia. I hatched here on Earth, and so did my brother. We have literally no reason to hold onto old dead traditions from a dead abandoned planet. I just wanted to underline the boundaries between us because it's not like we interact the way regular families should do anyway.”

 

Dave's chest felt heavy. Finally learning all these things about Karkat and not being able to make him feel better was slowly breaking his heart.

 

He wished he was good at showing support and letting people know what he actually thought, but he knew himself well enough to keep quiet this time. He didn’t want to upset Karkat further.

 

“Thanks again for the book, by the way,” Karkat said out of the blue. Dave wasn’t sure if he felt relieved or guilty. “I didn't actually say it, and you probably didn't know… but you surprised me because I started a book collection a few months ago.”

 

“Really?” He imagined Karkat didn’t want to dwell on the matter, so he decided to keep the ball rolling. “Do you want me to lend you my new Snoop Dogg's Autobiography? Spoiler alert: Looks pretty fucking dope.”

 

“I think I'm good.”

 

And there it was. The smile. The genuine, ‘cheek to cheek and accompanied with a snort that was close to evolve into laughter’ smile. Finally.

 

“Now that you mention it,” Karkat suddenly said. “I'm glad you're here now. I want you to give me your opinion on something.”

 

“Uh… okay,” Dave hesitated. That was a second change of topic he was not expecting.

 

“I made it a couple weeks ago,” he said unlocking his phone and looking through it. Dave saw the music player on the phone’s screen. Karkat then proceeded to take out a pair of earbuds from his pocket and extended them for Dave to take. “Here, I think it will be better If you listen to it with these.”

 

“Karkat, are you about to show me your music album?” He took the earbuds. “Oh my god, are you shamelessly self-promoting right now? Is that what this is about? I mean, I get that Christmas time is the best time to make business and sell shit but-”

 

“It's not like that, you judgemental idiot,” he scoffed rolling his eyes. Dave noticed he was avoiding eye-contact. “It’s just one song. But I wanted to try something new, so I want a second opinion before uploading it anywhere.”

 

“Oh. Okay… sure.” he put on the earbuds and let Karkat plug them to the phone.

 

“Ready?”

 

“Yeah, hit it.”

 

Karkat tapped the screen and an acoustic guitar started playing immediately. Dave listened to it while moving his foot to the slow rhythm. It was a pleasant tune.

 

“Man, I could go to sleep to this. Pretty neat music skills you got, Karkat.”

 

Right when he was wondering if it was purely instrumental or if he had asked Meenah to sing on it, a husky voice floated out of the earbuds.

 

 _It’s been the longest winter,_  
_I start to miss the sun._  
_Is this just cabin fever?_  
_The clock ticking has... stopped_

 

The strumming went quiet right before the pause, letting the last word add effect to it. Dave looked at Karkat, unable to hide the surprise on his face. Karkat hesitated, but finally looked at him too, like if he was bracing for impact.

 

“Is that-” he stopped. “Karkat, is that you singing?”

 

He just nodded, his fingers squeezing the phone nervously.

 

The guitar started again, now with a slightly faster pace.

 

 _My fists are quiet but my head’s always loud_  
_My whims are habits and usually blind_  
_Yours aren’t pretty but they can’t beat mine_  
_The resentful and lonely are my favorite kind_

 

“ _Dude,_ ” Dave grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him with enthusiasm. “This sounds so fucking good!”

 

“Really?” his eyes gleamed.

 

 _I’ve lost my faith in me_  
_Time and time again_  
_But to be broken and defeated,_  
_Lash out, expect forgiveness_  
_It bounds me back to day one_  
_When I couldn’t make up my mind_

 

Dave was really enjoying himself. He didn't even dare tell Karkat how much he _adored_ what he was hearing. The guitar was mellow but the melody kept a good pace. Karkat’s singing voice was also a treat.

 

He wanted to mention that it reminded him of something and he couldn't remember what, but when he looked at Karkat again, he caught him looking at the lake like if he wasn't even there. His happy expression had quickly changed to an apprehensive one, and he was clawing his phone like if he was fighting back the urge of throwing it into the water.

 

The rhythm slowed down.

 

 _Can I hold you, for a moment or two?_  
_Would it be wrong to tell you the truth?_  
_That my head stops spinning if I’m thinking of you_  
_My heart starts beating and you make it feel new_

 _Can I hold you, for a moment or two?_  
_Would it be wrong? Just a moment or two._

 

Dave’s smile disappeared slowly. Karkat was still not looking at him.

 

 _And we won’t be any younger, than this_  
_The road still can get tougher, from here_  
_With the cold and the silence and the empty halls._  
_Locked doors, vague promises and warning calls._

 

 _Does it really matter if I have nothing to lose?_  
_You’ve always made me stronger,_  
_and I find myself dreaming of you_

 

Dave’s cheeks were swollen and red. His eyes were set on his knees because he didn’t know where else to look, and his hands were gripping his thighs like if he was trying to rip off chunks out of them. Karkat remained quiet.

 

 _And since I’ve lost my faith in me_  
_Time and time again_  
_The sorrow that I’ve felt_  
_Watching your heart break_  
_It bounds me back to day two-hundred five_  
_When I first wished you could be mine_

 

He felt like if his internal organs were strangling each other in the midst of chaos; all except for his heart, which was busy orchestrating the most violent escape attempt his body had ever experienced.

 

 _Can I hold you, for a moment or two?_  
_Would it be wrong to tell you the truth?_  
_That my head stops spinning if I’m thinking of you_  
_My heart starts beating and you make it feel new_

 _Can I hold you, for a moment or two?_  
_Would it be wrong to tell you the truth?_

 

He couldn’t gloss over it anymore. He knew it. He had to face the truth now, and he didn’t have anywhere else to run to.

 

 _Can I hold you…?_  
_Can I hold you…?_

 

He kept listening to the song until it was over, the chorus hammering his head mercilessly even after the last string went quiet. The damn song also had to be catchy.

 

He didn’t know what to say or how to do it. He told himself that if he couldn’t think of something quick, he could always obey his current impulse of jumping into the lake and swim away as last resource.

 

Karkat took a couple seconds to realize the song had stopped. His eyes went from the phone’s music player to Dave. They displayed worry, but his voice was firm.

 

“What do you think?”

 

“It’s… an amazing song, dude. Kudos, seriously. A hundred outta ten. You should sing more often.”

 

What a coward.

 

Karkat’s expression made it seem like he was thinking something similar.

 

“Well, I’m glad you like it,” he said taking his earbuds back from him and putting them away. “Because that’s actually your present. I got you a physical copy.” Dave’s nails caved into his knees. “I know I could just send the file to you, but it felt more significant if I actually got to wrap it like all the other gifts…” he was clearly waiting for him to say something, but at the lingering silence, he decided to add. “So, um… Merry Christmas, Dave.”

 

“Thank you, Karkat…”

 

He felt so out of place. His gratitude was probably not translating that well. He was truly touched by that song, mostly because it was the most dedicated gift anyone had ever given him, but also because it was the irrefutable proof of Karkat’s feelings.

 

Being right was a bittersweet win. It would have been so much easier to just be wrong.

 

Karkat had pursed his lips. He was staring at the lake again, holding onto the edge of the deck and frowning a bit. Dave wanted to say something, but was once again speechless. He hadn’t prepared himself for something like that. He also wasn’t nearly as drunk as he had to be to stop caring about it.

 

“Are you going to keep quiet until someone comes looking for us?” Karkat wondered out loud, his words swamped with bitterness. “Seriously, don’t you have ANYTHING to say?” he turned his head and looked at him. He could see the disbelief in his eyes, but also the hurt.

 

“What can I possibly say?” Dave asked, sighing softly.

 

“Um… I don’t know??” the volume of Karkat’s voice had immediately jumped up a few decibels. “Your thoughts on me writing a song about having feelings for you, maybe? Or at least having the decency of acknowledging that’s what just happened? Because, in case that you are so oblivious and obtuse that you can’t get something as straightforward as that, Dave, let me inform you that _that’s_ what just fucking happened.”

 

“Look, I know,” he said in a defensive tone but without looking at him in the eye. He felt the waves of panic growing in the bottom of his stomach. “I know why you wrote that song, and I know what you are trying to tell me but- I don’t... I can’t-”

 

He couldn’t finish his sentence. In all honesty, he wasn’t even sure where the damn sentence was going on the first place.

 

He sighed again, defeated. A feeling of hopelessness was starting to take over. He just wanted to do the right thing. But he didn’t know what the right thing was.

 

“Dave, if you are trying to tell me you can’t return my feelings, I understand,” Dave was surprised at how quickly he had turned down the intensity. His voice was gloomy, but it remained determined. “You are my friend. I’m not going to hold it against you if you don’t like me like that. But please… just be honest with me. Don’t leave me in the dark.”

 

The cocktail of raw emotions he had been experiencing was tame now compared to what he felt after hearing him say that.

 

He was so exhausted of feeling doomed, of holding back every day, biting his tongue and running away. He didn’t want to live like that. He was terrified of the consequences, but he also knew he was being selfish by avoiding Karkat and his own emotions.

 

His hands turned into fists, and as he looked at them, he told himself there was no turning back.

 

“I do like you Karkat,” he finally admitted. His stomach contracted painfully to his own words. Confessing to a murder probably felt similarly. “I really do. And if I were a regular dude with a less convoluted web of bad experiences and fucked up emotions, that song would have made my whole fucking Christmas. Honest. But-”

 

“But you still love John,” Karkat finished for him in a resigned voice, like if he had predicted the obvious.

 

Dave was stumped for a moment.

 

“What?? No… I mean… I guess?” he was just realizing the thought hadn’t crossed his mind even once during that whole ordeal. “But that’s not important.”

 

“How is it not important that you still have feelings for someone else when I’m openly confessing my own feelings for you?” Karkat inquired almost offended.

 

“Because it’s not important, Karkat!” Dave exclaimed louder than he thought he would. “What I feel for John has been there for years and might never fucking leave for all I know. I have come to terms with that. I’ve moved on.” Karkat’s posture relaxed slowly, but it was clear that Dave’s words came as a surprise to him. “Loving John doesn’t stop me from liking you. But that doesn’t mean I’m not terrified of doing so,” he exhaled again, already feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted. “You’re my friend. My best fucking friend. My ultimate best bud. You’re both ‘Best Man’ and ‘Godfather of my children’ material all in one. You’re on the top of my ‘I would kill and hide the body for’ list. I don’t want to risk losing you or hurting you of all people.”

 

There was a silence that Dave’s brain appreciated and used to breathe. He had said it. He had said it all. He felt like he had taken off the biggest weight in the universe in one single go.

 

And It was great. He felt immediately better, even if the hole his anxiety had been carving in his stomach was already deep and painful.

 

“Don’t worry about losing me,” Karkat said after thinking quietly during that pause. They locked eyes for the first time in a good while. He was trying to smile. “You won’t. I swear. Even if things went badly, I wouldn’t take it personal. You are my best friend too. I wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship either.”

 

“Thank you for saying that,” he meant it. He felt infinitely better after hearing it. “But I really don’t know what to do about this, and I’m worried that my indecision alone could end up hurting you.”

 

“You can’t worry about things like that, Dave. You always have to risk something when making important decisions,” Karkat said calmly. Too calmly. Dave wondered if he had already rehearsed those lines. “Just give me a chance, please. Just go on a date with me,” Dave’s heart did a backflip. “If it feels wrong, if you think it’s not going to work, then we’ll forget all about it. We can keep being friends like nothing happened. I just… don’t want to spend my whole life wondering what could have happened if we had just _tried_.”  

 

Dave took a moment to reply. The last time he felt that much fear and excitement burning the inside of his loins, he was on the way up to the biggest and craziest roller coaster he knew. And just like that moment when he was at the very top, where he could contemplate everything below him and probably talk to God, he closed his eyes and just begged to survive.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay??”

 

“Yes, okay. Fuck it. I’ll go on a date with you,” he said looking at Karkat again, a timid smile on his lips. “Hard to turn down an offer when you already illustrated the possible eternal regret that comes with saying no, but…”

 

Karkat blushed.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

 

“It’s fine,” Dave reassured him, his smile growing without him realizing. “I might be afraid of fucking it all up, but now that you’ve put it on perspective… I feel the same way. I’d hate to get old and think back to this day, and just wonder what could’ve been.” Karkat’s embarrassment faded, being slowly replaced by the most honest smirk Dave had ever seen on him. “Since you were the one who asked me out though, I trust that you’ll be a gentleman and follow the appropriate procedures, opening doors for me and handing me hankies when I cry.”

 

Karkat laughed.

 

Dave was already happy he had said yes.

 

“Dave, please, that’s for fake gentlemen who just play pretend to impress their date,” Karkat said with disdain. “Us, real gentlemen, take off our coats and put them over puddles so you can walk on them without getting your shoes wet.”

 

“Holy shit. Fucking swoon.”

 

Dave felt something similar to static running up his hand. Karkat had placed his palm on top of it. Once again, the blood pump in his system shook.

 

Dave let his body react by itself and rotated his wrist to make his hand face up, lacing their fingers together. Karkat got immediately flustered again.

 

“Maybe we should go back…” he suggested, setting his gaze on his own knees.

 

He looked nervous, but Dave could tell he was happy. He felt warmth spreading inside his chest just by looking at him.

 

“I don't know…” His hand squeezed Karkat’s out of instinct. “I think I could stay here a little bit longer.”

 

[[S]](https://youtu.be/wA4ppvp2IzY)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Ro's favorite confession cliche: confession song
> 
> All I want for Christmas is your thoughts :*
> 
>  
> 
> I was actually going to pay someone to make this song a reality, but they had a lot of stuff on their plate and I chose not to. Then I asked other someone but realized that if I paid for that I wasn't going to be able to pay other shit during my trip.
> 
> I ended up recording myself singing it. And I can't play the guitar well enough to add music so it's literally me just singing. 
> 
> That's how invested I am in my self-indulgent davekat lol. Hopefully I'll have money again one day and get a professional to do it right. If I do it before I finish the fic I'll post it too.
> 
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed it ;-; share ur thoughts on it maybe?
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　If you like this fic consider giving kudos, subscribing and telling me what you think　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　It helps boost my work and my motivation ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> __________  
>  Next Chapter Preview:
> 
> _He was nervous about the date. Talking for an hour while holding hands and then texting non-stop was completely different to spending a whole evening together around the idea that they wanted to try having a deeper kind of relationship._
> 
> _He didn't know if they were going to make it, but now he seriously hoped so._
> 
> See you next week!  
>  xo. Ro


	13. Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say that if the planning and preparations for a first date were more difficult than the date, you've already won.  
> We don't know who they is, but they is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I had ever taken this long to update, I'm very sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> To keep you up to speed... I admit there's been a lack of willingness to update on my part. I had the realiziation that 40 people are subscribed to this story, 12 told me they wanted 30 chapters instead of 20, and I'm still only getting comments from the same two or three people who have always shown up in each update.  
> I've been writing and posting online for 11 years now, so that's nothing new. But it's still kinda disheartening, and specially for a project of this size (it's technically 39 chapters long if you count the side-ship chapters i have mapped out). 
> 
> I decided to take a break partly because of that but **mostly** because I got stuck rewriting the next three chapters. I literally just finished fixing this one. I said fuck it whatever I'mma update already it's been SO LONG (not really? but it feels like it).
> 
> I thought writing all the cute stuff I wanted would be the easiest part of this fic, but since it's the core of the story it's proven to be the most challenging because now that I have everything established I want to make sure everything feels organic enough as it develops. I've had to reshape or completely scratch old ideas over and over to achieve this. Not the most fun I've had tbh.
> 
>  
> 
> You probably already know since I've mentioned it before, but this story is super self-indulgent and I wrote it cuz I wanted something very particular and I couldn't find it anywhere. Really, I'm just writing for my own enjoyment, and I had no reason to post this story other than to get feedback. Because of this, I said I wouldn't care much about posting, but I am weak and easy to please so I kept on posting regularly for all those nice people who come back every single time. 
> 
> My personal goal is to always have 5 chapters ahead so I never fall behind, but I had a very VERY bad mental health month and got stuck until I had run out of chapters. Then someone told me that I was overworking myself for the sake of updating and not enjoying my own story, and I guess that's true. I'm a little embarrassed at how ambitious I got with something I was supposed to be writing for myself.
> 
> Now... I do want to keep steady updates, but first I need to write some more, and I'm gonna take some time.
> 
> Ideally, I'll get my 5 chapter+ advantage by the next update, which I hope will be in two weeks or less now that I feel like writing again and I'm in a better place emotionally and mentally.  
>  
> 
> Long story short, I'm gonna do my best not to be absent for so long again, but please understand if I'm unable to update or if I'm not feeling it, cuz it's been hard to keep up :(
> 
>  As an apology gift, have the longest chapter so far lol

**Chapter 13**

_Process_

 

It was Friday morning. Jade’s post-Christmas Christmas party had ended on a good note for all of the guests. Presents were exchanged, silly songs were sung, the dinner everyone put together was completely devoured, and a date was arranged in secret.

 

Dave and Karkat set the day and the hour for their first date while sitting on the deck together, but were interrupted trying to decide the location when John walked out of the house looking for them.

 

So during the three days they were too busy to have the date, there was texting. And a lot of it.

 

At the beginning it was just to finish polishing their plans and decide on the activities they wanted to do that day. But Dave didn't even realize their conversation had derailed and kept on going for two days straight, until Bro asked him to put his phone on vibration mode because the notifications sound going off every five minutes was driving him insane.

 

It was strange, because it didn't actually feel _that_ strange. They already had things to talk about all the time, but now they also had a lot more to ask and discuss after confessions had been made. Dave had learned many unexpected truths through those chats. Particularly about Karkat, and the origin of his feelings for him.

  
WOW, DAVE. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TELLING ME THAT YOU ONLY REALIZED I LIKED YOU BECAUSE OF WHAT I SAID THE NIGHT AT THE CLUB?  
look man  
i had other shit in my mind  
i couldnt have possibly noticed when we had just started talking again  
it all looked like friendship to me  
...  
SERIOUSLY?  
what?   
OH MY GOD. UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE.   
AND ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT YOU KNEW  
...  
wait a fucking second  
JUST SO YOU KNOW I'M ROLLING MY EYES RIGHT NOW  
... no seriously wait   
did you  
you didnt like me before we fought did you  
JESUS FUCK, TALK ABOUT DENSE  
omg what really??  
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU HAVE WON THE OBTUSE FUCK AWARD. IT IS YOU. THE NUMBER ONE BLOCKHEAD, THE ONE AND ONLY SUPREME IDIOT.   
PLEASE MAKE SURE TO PICK UP YOUR TROPHY BEFORE I USE IT TO KNOCK YOU UNCONSCIOUS  
wow rude  
DID YOU REALLY THINK MY TANTRUM ABOUT YOU BEING OBSESSED WITH JOHN WAS JUST ME BEING SELFLESS AND WANTING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON?  
...   
oh

 

In retrospective, he had been pretty fucking blind.

 

He admitted it to himself and even to Karkat that same day. He also apologized several times. Remembering all the occasions where he had depended on Karkat to, figuratively and literally cry on his shoulder, made him feel like the worst human who had ever lived. He never had to deal with John gushing nor complaining about Vriska, but he imagined that being in that situation sucked a fucking ton.

  
i feel like such an asshole  
YOU ARE  
did i say sorry already? because jsyk im so fucking sorry  
ONLY LIKE A MILLION TIMES  
well add another to the sorry pile  
IT’S OK DAVE, I FORGAVE YOU A LONG TIME AGO  
oh shit really  
just like that?  
thank god im cute huh  
... PRETTY FUCKING MUCH.

 

Dave felt the blood accumulating in his face. He hadn't gotten used to hearing (or reading) Karkat talking to him like that yet. It made him nervous about the date. Talking for an hour while holding hands and then texting non-stop was completely different to spending a whole evening together around the idea that they wanted to try having a deeper kind of relationship. He didn't know if they were going to make it, but now he seriously hoped so.

 

And if he wanted that date to succeed he needed to go full-gent mode and prepare for it.

 

First, he needed the carriage.

 

“Hey Bro can I borrow the car tomorrow?”

 

The Strider brothers were sitting at the dining room table sharing breakfast.

 

Dave was going to spend the whole day helping Dirk out with some maintenance stuff he had to do on his prototype Rapping Robot, but needless to say, his thoughts were stuck in another subject at the moment. His phone had just announced him that Karkat answered his last text from the night before.

 

“Why?” Bro asked through loud cereal munching. His computer was open next to his bowl and he was staring at the screen. “You don't even have a license.”

 

“Uh… but he does?,” Dirk corrected him, a bit skeptical. He was having his coffee while typing on his phone. “He got it like 2 weeks ago. I took him to the exam because you were busy with the Christmas sale preparations, remember?”

 

Bro was too concentrated on something he was reading at the moment, so the sound or the understanding of those sentences arrived to his brain a few seconds late.

 

“Right. I knew that. Sorry, I forgot.” He looked up from the computer to find Dave sitting across the table. Dave was surprised he hadn’t mistaken him with Dirk again. Bro had been working his ass off supervising delivery orders from the holidays. He was getting little to no sleep, and his mind seemed to constantly be elsewhere. “Where are you going, again?”

 

Dave made sure to look extremely busy to avoid suspicion, checking Karkat’s text with a thoughtful expression.

  
SORRY I FELL ASLEEP  
HOLY SHIT I LOVE THAT CAT  
HAVE YOU SEEN THE VIDEO WHERE IT’S JUMPING IN AND OUT OF BOXES?  
no but that sounds fucking amazing  
LET ME FIND IT

 

“I’m gonna see a movie and then get some coffee at the mall,” he simply replied, hoping his pause was believable enough.

 

“Oh cool,” Dirk said turning to look at him too. “Who's going?”

 

Shit.

 

“Just Karkat and me.” 

  
dude operation date has been compromised  
dirk is asking questions  
SHIT

 

“Do you want me to take you both?” Dirk offered, leaning back on the chair. “Jane, Jake and I wanted to buy some stuff for Roxy. Y’know, because she’s leaving in like a month. We can all go together.”

 

“Um… I dunno...”

  
he needs the car that day  
fuck i wasnt counting on that  
OH NO. NOW WHAT?   
THERE'S NO WAY THEY’LL LEND ME A CAR. AND MY DAD IS HERE ALL WEEK FOR THE HOLIDAYS, SO I CAN'T SNEAK ONE OUT EITHER  
not like i want to gloss over the fact that you are willing to steal your dad's car to go on a date with me...  
but i think we can find other solutions that dont require us getting into trouble  
LIKE WHAT?  
i dont fucking know. do i look like a guy who comes up with solutions to you?  
i just said we can find them  
not that i found any

 

“Dave, I know you're excited that you got your license,” Bro was saying as he poured more cereal in his bowl. “But If you wanna drive so much, then just take Dirk and his friends with you. You are all heading to the same damn place anyway.”

 

Dave wanted to die.

  
fuck it  
UH??

 

“No he can't fucking go with us, alright?” he exhaled, defeated. ‘I'm going with Karkat to see a movie and have some coffee as in, we’re having a date with the romance and the courtship and all that cute shit where having other people around is a fucking problem. There, you’ve made me say it. Now, can we all just collectively agree to get off my dick and let me have the stupid car so I can pick up my potential boyfriend and have a smooth first date with no side awkward family interactions?”

  
i had to confess  
WHAT!  
I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO KEEP IT A SECRET UNTIL WE KNEW WHAT THE FUCK WE WERE GOING TO DO  
DIRK KNOWS MOST OF OUR FRIENDS  
HOW DO WE KNOW HE'S NOT GOING TO TELL THEM?  
this is why its easy to see that you and your brother arent close  
dont worry  
the fucking FBI aint got shit on me with all the blackmailing material i could unleash into the world if he dares to do that shit  
but dirks cool and i know he wont

 

“What? A date? With Karkat??” Dirk had completely straightened up on his chair. “Holy shit. Where did that even come from?”

 

“Wait, who’s that one again?” Bro had stopped looking at the computer. “The blind one with pointy horns?”

 

“No, Bro. That's Terezi. What the fuck. She hasn't even been here in like two years.”

 

“Right. Sorry, I’m bad with troll names,” he shrugged without giving it much importance. “So... is it the loud one then?”

 

“Yeah the one with the nubby horns…” Dirk confirmed for him, his eyes still glued to his younger brother. “Holy shit, Dave. Really? I mean good for you, you guys seem to be really close and that's fucking adorable and all but… It just feels so out of the blue. What happened with John?”

 

Bro’s eyebrows raised above the shades as he turned to look back at Dave.

 

“Yeah, Dave. What happened with John?”

 

Now he _really_ wanted to die.

  
dbjakandlywlqkd  
DAVE WHAT THE FUCK  
sorryitsnothing  
its all cool  
just trying out all these keys i almost never use  
wow look at them i seriously should use them more

 

“Okay, that’s it. This is your Unwanted Family Meddling Warning,” Dave said, making an effort to sound as collected as possible. “All I want from this massive trainwreck that our breakfast chat has become is to get the Stridermobile and maybe some sweet cash to go on a hot date. But if you're incapable of keeping your panties dry about this, I will be forced to steal the fucking keys myself while you sleep or do some other edgy shit like that to make you rethink your choices in life. So…” he snapped his fingers and pointed at Bro. “One more time. Let's start from the top. Can I get the car? Y/N Leave a copy of the confirmation on my desk by 7.”

 

Dirk and Bro snorted. Bro went back to looking at his laptop with a side-smile on his face.

 

“We’ll see, kiddo.”

 

“That’s good enough for me. Anyway, bye.”

 

And with that, Dave stood up and abandoned his unfinished pancakes, with most of his dignity and private life intact.

 

There was no copy of the confirmation on his desk the morning after, but he also didn't have a desk, so that one was an automatic miss. Luckily for him, he got the keys. Bro left them on the dining room table, along with some money and a sticky note that just said “Go get him, tiger”. Dave crushed the note with his hand immediately and dunked it in the trashcan on his way to exit the apartment.

  
im on my way  
ill be there in 20  
OKAY!!  
SEE YOU THEN!!  
...I DIDN'T MEAN TO USE EXCLAMATION MARKS, PLEASE DISREGARD THEM IMMEDIATELY  
UGH I SWEAR THEY DIDN'T LOOK THAT STUPID AND PATHETIC WHEN I TYPED THEM  
karkat   
i dont know anything about the bullshit rules of the first date  
but im pretty fucking sure that being cute before it even starts counts as cheating  
FUCK YOU  
THERE, FIXED IT  
thats what you think  
JUST GET IN THE FUCKING CAR AND COME GET ME ALREADY???  
lol k 

 

Dave’s brain was fuming as he got in the car and drove. There was a lot of anticipation. He was nervous and a little bit terrified, but he wanted to think there was nothing to freak out about. He had embraced his feelings, so all he had to do was to go with the flow and enjoy Karkat’s company like he always did.

 

It helped him calm down having to concentrate on driving and following GPS’s directions, but when he entered Karkat’s neighborhood, with hives of all shapes and sizes extending before him, his heart started to race. He parked in the marked location and sent Karkat a message. He could feel the aggressive beating against his ribs as he waited. He tried to distract himself by looking around.

 

There weren’t that many troll neighborhoods where he lived, so it was always interesting comparing the differences in construction and decor whenever he walked by one. Dave thought hives were pretty rad. He kinda understood why so many ancient trolls had never opted to purchase human houses.

 

The hive crossing the street was particularly hard to miss. Dave imagined it was inhabited by a Highblood, like Meenah or maybe Vriska, because it was a lot bigger than the hives around it and it had a very intimidating feel to it.

 

He was understandably shocked when he saw Karkat exiting it. He looked like he was in a rush.

 

Dave watched him cross the street and go around the car, open the passenger’s door quickly, and get in almost as if he was trying to hide inside.

 

“Step on that gas pedal now,” he said while buckling up his seat belt.

 

“What the- is everything okay?”

 

“Yes, everything is great, Dave. Now for fuck’s sake just get us out of here before my dad looks out the window.”

 

“Oh. Right.”

 

He drove away as fast as he could, and once they had set a good distance between them and the hive, he slowed down and dared to look at Karkat from the corner of his eye.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked unable to hide his worry.

 

Karkat seemed to relax against the seat.

 

“Yeah… I’m sorry,” he said. “I was very nervous about the date in general, but having the two of them around when I try to be secretive about something is nerve-wrecking. I don’t want them snooping around.”

 

“I get that. Don’t worry,” Dave was relieved it wasn’t anything serious. He guessed that meant he could let himself pick on him a little bit. “So, you were nervous about the date, huh?”

 

Karkat immediately raised a finger at him, displaying his copyrighted menacing look spiked with thick furrowed eyebrows.

 

“One more word and I will fucking stab you in the neck.”

 

Dave could already tell they were going to have a good time.

 

And they did.

 

It was as good as it was uneventful.

 

They got to the mall, they picked a movie, and they bought tickets. Everything felt so normal, that at some point of the movie Dave worried he was messing up somehow. Maybe he was meant to _make a move_ or something like that.

 

He imagined buying a couple combo together didn’t quite count as a move of any kind, and maybe they were supposed to hold hands or maybe he should’ve done the cheap yawn-followed-by-arm-around-the-shoulder thing. He’d never had a proper first date, so he didn't know if things like that were actually part of the deal or just make-believe romance movie tropes.

 

It just didn’t feel natural, and he didn’t want to force anything. Karkat wasn’t complaining nor doing anything out of the ordinary either, but he looked like he was having a good time too, so he tried not to overthink it.

 

The movie was entertaining but predictable. They shared popcorn, and they threw some of it at the guy a few seats ahead because he kept talking to his companion in an inadequate-for-a-cinema volume. When they left the movie theater they were bickering about people who couldn’t behave themselves during a movie-showing, and joked about ridiculous punishments for such felons.

 

Phase One of Operation Date had been a success. According to Dave, at least.

 

It did get a little awkward when they got their coffee. Without a movie or annoying people to distract them, there were two or three unavoidable long silences between walking to the coffee shop, looking at the menu, and ordering. It also didn’t help that they had to sit face-to-face at a small table with not much space to place both arms and coffee. Karkat held his cup at the very end of the table and didn’t dare to get any closer than that. Dave thought that was unbearably cute.

 

Karkat was quick to come up with a topic as soon as they sat down. Dave followed, and it was a relief realizing he didn't even have to make an effort. It was so easy to talk to Karkat once they got the ball rolling.

 

It was then that he started to notice he really liked that whole situation.

 

He liked that he liked Karkat. He liked that Karkat liked him. He liked that they cared about each other enough to test the waters before jumping into unknown territory. And he _specially_ liked that their first date hadn’t been any different from what a normal day together would’ve been. Except they normally hung out with other friends, even more so when they weren’t in school. Spending the whole afternoon alone together had really helped Dave place his thoughts in order.

 

He wanted more days like that. He really _really_ wanted to spend more time with him, just the two of them.

 

“Hey,” he began after juggling both holding a conversation about Karkat’s youtube channel, and trying to gather the courage to ask something for the last thirty minutes. Karkat was busy placing used napkins and sugar packets inside his empty cup, but he raised his gaze, curious. “I’ve got this crazy idea, don’t know what you’d think about it but…”

 

But then the Ghostbusters theme started ringing in Dave’s pocket.

 

Dave didn’t react on the outside, but he was groaning in disbelief in the inside. That was some fucking unbelievable timing.

 

He took out his phone reluctantly, pressing his index against his lips to indicate Karkat not to speak. Karkat showed a coy smile, as Dave answered and put the speaker on.

 

“Sup’ John,” Dave greeted holding the phone close and leaning back on the chair.

 

“Dave, are you okay?” John’s voice came out of the phone as a perfect involuntary imitation of a worried mother. “You haven’t been answering my texts all day!”

 

“Oops. Sorry, man.” Dave and Karkat exchanged glances worthy of two jewelry thieves watching a news report of their last successful robbery. Dave’s side smirk sneaked in. “I’ve been… kinda busy. You know how it is.”

 

“You’re busy during the holidays,” it wasn’t a question. More like an skeptical statement. “You know, if you’ve been smoking all day that’s okay. I told you I don’t care. You don’t have to lie about that stuff to me.”

 

“Pfft, it’s not that,” Dave chuckled. He felt childishly amused, hiding a secret he didn’t really need to hide. But it was fun, and the fact that it was _their_ secret made it so much more enjoyable. “Look, I ain’t tryin’ be rude but, do you need anything? As I said, I’m busy.”

 

John seemed to finally catch on.

 

“...Are you with someone, right now?”

 

“Ding, ding, ding. One hundred points to Egbert,” Dave announced. Karkat snorted, and immediately covered his mouth.

 

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” John sounded a little bit alarmed. Dave wondered what the hell he was picturing. “If it’s a bad time-“

 

“John, for the love of god- why are you calling??” Dave almost laughed. He couldn’t recognize himself anymore. He was in such a good mood that John’s blabbering seemed borderline comical to him. He looked at Karkat and mouthed ‘this fucking guy’, while pointing at the phone and shaking his head.

 

“Well, sheesh. So-rry, I was trying not to fuck up further,” John defended himself. “Anyway. Jade sent us all a picture of a flyer she got. It’s for some kind of town fair for New Year’s Eve. There’s going to be a concert and fireworks by the end, it looks really cool! We should all go!”

 

Dave raised his eyebrows slowly. Karkat shifted his weight on the chair. His interest had been picked as well.

 

“Sounds fucking rad, hell yeah,” Dave said. Karkat was unlocking his phone. “I’ll check the flyer and I’ll text you guys later to decide how we’re getting there and all that.”

 

“Okay! Talk to you later then,” he sounded excited already.

 

As he hung up, Dave recalled a 12-year old John at a 4th of July fireworks show. He couldn’t help smiling at the memory.

 

“It’s a little far from here,” Karkat told him immediately after he put his phone away, showing him the photo of the flyer he had dug up from their group chat. “But it looks fucking awesome! The bands playing are mostly locals, and also really good. One of them has this whole rockabilly style going on. I’ve heard they are amazing live.”

 

“You look happy,” Dave observed, his warm nostalgia being replaced by the steaming heat melting his heart at the sight of that eager expression. “Do you wanna go?”

 

“What kind of stupid question is that?” he inquired almost offended. “Of course I want to fucking go.”

 

“I meant like, go with me,” Dave clarified, unconsciously holding onto his empty cup of coffee as an excuse to keep his hands busy. John’s call had accidentally helped him decide on his incomplete request. “As on a date. The second date kind, I guess. And I mean, I know all of our friends plan on going too, but I thought we could keep a low profile? Y’know, like a secret undercover mission kind of shit, or we could always ditch them at some point if you don’t like that idea but-”

 

“Yes,” Karkat interrupted him. He was surprised and clearly flustered, but he couldn’t hide his smile. “Yeah, I would fucking love that.”

 

Dave returned the smile and instinctively let go of the coffee cup. His riot of a heart was declaring, winning, and signing its own declaration of independence, as Karkat left his phone on the side and slid his hands over the table to meet his halfway.

 

Dave felt the vertigo at the touch and immediately knew.

 

He had never experienced that. He had never felt what he was feeling as Karkat’s fingers timidly sneaked between his, or when he watched him lower his gaze to hide his tiny smile and the furious blush taking over his face. Dave was having a hard time keeping his body temperature in check himself. His cheeks and ears were burning.

 

He could tell he was long past the crush stage, because he crushed on people often. He had felt weak on the knees for Rose’s charms, he had enjoyed Terezi’s antics to the point of finding them endearing, and he had temporarily lost the ability to speak around Jane and Roxy many times in the past. But no. This new feeling was definitely more similar to his feelings for John, while still remaining its very own kind.

 

Because he had adored John from the start, but Karkat had been more of a process, a series of events and moments that had piled up with time. And there had been some denial at first, and some personal turmoil on the way for sure. It wasn’t completely accidental, but it was still unexpected, like missing a step on the way up and discovering the whole staircase was gone.

 

He finally understood why it was called ‘falling in love’.

 

He felt at the mercy of his own emotions again, but this time he wasn't scared. Just by the way Karkat was holding onto his hands in that very moment, he knew his landing would be safe.

 

[ [♥S♥]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jSkl4GFgeU)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past Ro thought casual texting would be cute. Current Ro hates her after an hour of editing the fonts
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it! Let me know what you think.  
> Since I no longer know when the next update will be ready, I'd recommend subscribing so AO3 can notify you.
> 
> No sparkly notes, but thank you for your comments and kudos<3
> 
> No chapter preview because Jade's flyer should be enough (?)
> 
> Anyway. I got [twitter](https://twitter.com/rottenromantic) and [tumblr](http://notdavestrider.tumblr.com/) if you wanna follow me there. I'm not very active in tumblr these days but my queue works sometimes lol
> 
> See ya later, hopefully soon!
> 
> xo.Ro.


	14. Handle With Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The year is coming to an end. Dave is feeling confident that things are looking up, but as much as he likes being in love now, he's got to step back and remember his only struggle this time was admitting his own feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no words to express how grateful I am for your patience and kind words. To those who were worried, I can assure you I'm doing a lot better these days. December was a particularly tough month, but I've been getting my shit together.  
> Nevertheless, special mention to confusedGobiensis, Crisis, hexon, edible, Zombelo and Alliesunluckycat because BOY am i sensitive and you had me lowkey tearing up lol, it was very uplifting. Thank you again!
> 
> I'm a little disappointed that I didn't make it to my 5 chapters goal, but I felt a lot better when I realized that the two chapters I've been rewriting and editing non-stop all month ended up being so much longer than planned. They are almost four chapters instead of two (comparing word-lenght with the usual chapters). I did that thing where you want to change one little detail, and have to change almost literally everything afterwards.
> 
> But it's fine. I liked the final result so much more than the original. Now that the most heavy chapters are out of the way (falling in love wise) I'm hoping I can write what's left of the story a little faster lol
> 
> Enjoy your 5k words worth of sugar:

**Chapter 14**

_Handle With Care_

 

Dave was happy.

 

So happy, he was smiling all the way home. So happy, he took the stairs instead of the elevator and only realized halfway through. So happy, he didn’t even tell Bro to shut up when he teased him by asking if he had given ‘his new boo’ a goodbye smooch.

 

His head was a merry-go-round of grossly goopy sugary thoughts. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had felt like that. And taking into account he had spent two years just giving up on and getting over John, he guessed it had been a long fucking time. Or maybe just never.

 

He needed that. He was now fully realizing how much he did. That feeling, that rush, that madness. His heart was full, and his soul was light. It was a combination of finally knowing what he wanted, and having those feelings reciprocated from the start.

 

After he got home, he got ready to sleep and got in bed almost in a rush. He took out his phone eagerly, knowing he had a text pending.

  
THANKS FOR TODAY  
I HAD FUN

 

Fluttering in his chest again. There was also that wave of warmth going up his stomach and spilling over his heart and lungs like a fountain.

  
i had fun too

 

His thumbs hesitated for a second, and then slowly typed again.

   
cant wait to see you for the nye fair

 

As if his brain had detected danger, he immediately locked the phone and dropped it on his lap. He felt the excitement and nervousness that always came with a risky decision, and involuntarily covered his face.

 

“Jesus fuck. Dude, calm down with that fucking pounding,” he whispered, putting one hand over his chest. He could hear it in his eardrums too.

 

He had a near-death experience when the phone lighted up buzzing. The notification bar had Karkat’s message on display.

  
CAN’T WAIT EITHER. I DON’T THINK I’LL BE ABLE TO SLEEP

 

Dave breathed in. He took the phone again and unlocked it. The rush had taken over and he was feeling lucky. 

  
want me to keep you company till you hit the hay?

 

Karkat took a while to reply.

 

 _God,_ that fucking pounding.

  
THAT DOES THE OPPOSITE OF MOTIVATING ME TO SLEEP

ACTUALLY IT MAKES ME NOT WANT TO SLEEP AT ALL

 

Dave had to curse himself again for being so stupid for so long. He couldn’t believe he had spent his teenage years pursuing and suffering for unrequited-love when he could’ve just turn around and fall for _the cutest motherfucker alive_.

 

That cutest motherfucker alive who now shared the same dark circles he had, because by the time they met at Jade’s place on New Year’s Eve, they had spent two days in a row texting each other and falling asleep just because the sun had come up.

 

But they didn’t mind the yawning or the feeling of restlessness. The fun and the lingering smiles were worth it.

 

When they were riding in the back of Jade’s SUV next to Rose, Dave was quietly lamenting that no one had accepted his proposal of taking two cars to the fair. He couldn’t talk to Karkat freely or tease him like he did in their chats if their friends were there.

 

He hoped making their second date a secret undercover mission wasn’t going to blow up in his face.

 

They drove for about two hours. Jade took the highway, and they all talked while they listened to the radio. It was a peaceful time, all in all.

 

When they got to the location —a huge lot on the side of the road, in the middle of nowhere— it was almost 6pm. It was starting to get dark, but they couldn’t have possibly missed the place. The event turned out to be a lot bigger than they had anticipated.

 

They could see a lot of tents, and fully-illuminated rides farther back. It looked like a lot of the attendants had spent the whole afternoon there; several of them were carrying prizes from the carnival games, or were already heading back to the improvised parking lot.

 

They left the SUV and walked together towards the main entrance, which was a huge arch made of balloons. A long corridor of stands, neatly decorated with christmas lights, extended before them with food and NYE celebration articles. People walked from one side to another to buy and try some of the products, or just passed by while glancing curiously.

 

The group did most of that second bit. John bought some pretzels for everyone, but they opted not to eat anything else until later in the evening.

 

At the end of the corridor, curving to the right, they found a huge open area where the stands with carnival games and prizes formed a rectangle. In the middle, there was enough space to fit at least ten rides. There was a ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, bumper cars, and a small roller coaster, but most of the other rides were the gyratory barf-inducing kind.

 

After Jade forced them all into a pendulum ride called ‘Kamikaze’, and the teacups immediately after, they felt grateful they had only eaten those pretzels.

 

As soon as they exited the teacups, John tripped with his own feet from dizziness and his glasses fell from his nose, while Karkat dropped on his knees just to caress the grass with his hands.

 

“I have never been happier to see dirt and greenery in my whole fucking life oh my god,” he said. “I can’t believe I lived another day too see this miraculous bullshit we call nature once again. Makara was right, the slam prophets must really have a plan for me.”

 

John laughed as he picked up his glasses. Rose got ahead of Jade for their own good.

 

“Why don’t we try something… more enjoyable for everyone? That ferris wheel must have a gorgeous look of the whole fair.”

 

“What? No. Fuck no,” Karkat immediately intervened, still kneeled on the ground. “Are you being fucking serious right now? I almost puked my own intestines while my motor functions shut down because of the feeling of dread that heights and increased velocity can accomplish together. There is no way in hell you’re dragging me into that piece of metal dangling fuckery just because you think helplessly hanging fifteen fucking feet above the goddamn ground like a living christmas sphere with a deathwish is fun.”

 

“Very well, Karkat’s out. Anyone else?”

 

“I vote for the ferris wheel!” Jade beamed putting her hands together.

 

“Yeah. That sounds… slower,” John snickered while fixing his glasses a bit.

 

Dave saw the window of opportunity and took it.

 

“Nah, I pass. I rather go to the dime pitch tent. They had some sweet loot.”

 

“Seems like Dave’s out too,” Rose said. And for a second Dave could swear he saw a sudden shine in her eyes. “I suggest we go get in line then. If people continue arriving, it will be impossible to get in later.”

 

“Yay, ferris wheel!!”

 

Dave watched them walk away, sticking his hands inside his jacket’s pockets. The ferris wheel was clearly the biggest attraction when it came to the rides, and he was glad to confirm that despite of Rose’s warning, the line for it was already pretty long.

 

“Do you really want to go get scammed at the carnival games?” Karkat asked with a skeptical expression. He didn’t seem to be in a rush to stand up. “Or was that a clever excuse to be away from them for a few minutes?”

 

“A bit of both,” Dave shrugged. “Mostly I want you to win me an obscenely huge teddy bear or a bunny eraser. I need them for reasons I cannot disclose to civilians, but it’s of vital importance.”

 

“Yeah, right,” but despite the sarcastic tone, he was smiling. “Those moronic games are rigged. There’s no way we can win anything.”

 

“Maybe, but they’re fun,” he took one hand out of his pocket and extended it to him. “Wanna go play while they’re stuck in the lame-o wheel?”

 

“Sure, why the fuck not,” Karkat gave in, and took his hand.

 

They tried most of the games in the fair. They threw a couple tantrums at the ring toss, came empty handed from the duck pond, and had a really good time competing for the best score in skeeball. They even won a pair of matching bracelets that glowed in the dark.

 

They kept receiving updates from Jade and John throughout their adventure to get in the ferris wheel. “We’re just behind a family with a baby that won’t stop crying :/", “It’s almost our turn, we are getting the red cabin :D!”, but both Dave and Karkat were pretending not to be aware of it. That way they could fake innocence when they irremediably couldn’t find each other later.

 

After impressing Karkat with his skills at throwing darts and popping balloons —skills he owed to the old dartboard Bro kept in the kitchen— Dave decided he had owned his right to try to be smooth without being called out on it.

 

When the troll working at the stand handed him a red and blue [frog plush](https://d3ieicw58ybon5.cloudfront.net/ex/350.350/shop/product/bb919b12a9d943c6a07e04a9da00061b.jpg) as his reward, he gave it to Karkat.

 

“As the official ‘I’m sorry for not realizing sooner’ apology gift” he said playing it cool. Actually, just trying very hard to play it cool. His palms were sweaty.

 

“Oh my fucking god,” Karkat mumbled in disbelief, as he facepalmed to cover his increasing red flusterdness. “Are you even listening to yourself right now?”

 

“You’re blushing, so I know I did a good,” he cooed pressing the frog against Karkat’s face, forcing him to take it. “When I do a good you do cute shit like that.”

 

“Oh look, there’s a shooting gallery!” Karkat pointed with his free hand towards a stand far away, holding his new prize against his chest. “Let’s go do that, instead of this!!”

 

Dave agreed, but Karkat’s weak distraction tactic wasn’t able to erase the satisfied look on his face. He was really enjoying himself.

 

At the shooting gallery, Karkat made him take care of the frog for him so he could hold the toy rifle with both hands. The targets were small metal figures of different animals that moved from one side to the other on five different rails. Karkat missed the very first shot by a lot, and all Dave could do was bite back his tongue.

 

“Shit,” Karkat hissed after failing the third shot. “This is literally fucking impossible.”

 

“Try using the sights as a guideline,” Dave suggested, making his best to sound casual. He knew Karkat didn't like being told ‘how’ to do things right.

 

“That’s what I'm doing.”

 

“Right… But you gotta hold it closer to you for it to work tho. Like, support it by placing it against your shoulder, but let the gun guide you.”

 

“What is that even supposed to mean???” Karkat snapped after failing again. “Let the gun guide me?? It's a toy, Dave, not a fucking GPS.”

 

Dave sighed. He had tried.

 

“Here, I’ll help you,” he placed the frog over the stand’s counter.

 

“I don’t need help, I need those stupid targets to stop moving for a motherfucking sec-”

 

The words froze completely on their way out of his mouth. Dave had placed himself behind him and was now holding his left shoulder and his right forearm firmly.

 

“You are pointing it up,” Dave explained calmly. “You want to hold it up here,” he made him move his arms so the butt of the riffle was against his shoulder. “You gotta let it rest in your hands like if you were balancing it, instead of lifting it. Don't fight the weight.”

 

“Okay,” Karkat barely opened his mouth. He was rigid.

 

He missed again.

 

“Yeah, um… do that again, except, keep both your eyes open. Closing one actually fucks up with your perception.”

 

He shot one more time, and hit a metal eagle this time, knocking it down immediately.

 

“Oh my god?? What the fuck??” Karkat put down the rifle, shocked. He turned his head to look back at Dave with his mouth still open. “How did that happen? What mythical god of guns taught you that Wild West fuckery??”

 

“Jade, actually.”

 

Karkat didn’t seem to register that. He had just realized the position they were in. Dave hadn’t let go of him completely, and now that he had turned his upper body just to look at him, his back was leaning against Dave’s shoulder and their faces were very close.

 

The ashen skin turned scarlet once again.

 

“Anyway, thanks. I’ll keep it in mind,” he said stepping away from him and holding up the rifle again.

 

Dave didn’t say anything, but he felt suddenly out of place. He didn’t know if it was his imagination, but it felt like if he had done something wrong. Although he didn’t know what or how.

 

He recovered the frog from the counter and stayed back. He watched Karkat nail his remaining four shots, aware that the feeling of uneasiness wasn’t going anywhere.

 

“That was a lot easier than expected,” Karkat said, as he was choosing his prize from the lower-points section. He took a bright yellow eraser shaped like a [cute bird](https://www.fdgate.com/photo-1/colorful-cartoon-chicken-pattern-erasers-cute-lovely-pencil-eraser-children-creative-school-stationery-office-supply-pl.jpg). “Here, have your stupid wiggler eraser. They don’t have bunnies.”

 

“It’s cool. Ducks are rad too,” he shrugged, accepting the eraser with a smile and handing over the frog at the same time. “Thanks, K.”

 

“It’s not a duck, Dave,” Karkat rolled his eyes. “It has a small beak and no neck. It’s clearly a chick.”

 

“Wow Karkat, first you don’t get me the bunny, and now you don't let me decide what type of yellow bird eraser you got me? No offence, but what the fuck?”

 

Before Karkat could argue back, The Phantom Of The Opera’s theme startled them. It took Dave a moment to realize that was his phone ringing.

 

“Shit, that’s Rose…” Karkat raised an eyebrow Dave didn’t see. He was busy looking around nervously, worried they would be spotted before they could run away. “They are probably looking for us already. Should we go meet them or should we go somewhere else?”

 

“Well… the concert is about to start…” Karkat said hesitantly. “We can hide there since there’s going to be a crowd.”

 

“Right you are,” Dave observed surprised. He hadn’t even considered it. “Let’s go.”

 

Without another word, he grabbed Karkat by the wrist and sneaked them out of the games area between two tents. It was a lot easier to be spotted if they crossed the fair from the inside, so he just dragged Karkat along the outskirts of the fair until they saw their destination ahead, down the hill.

 

The stage was set a little far from the main event, and as Karkat said, there was a small crowd waiting for it to start while the staff was onstage preparing the equipment and testing the lights. But before Dave could get excited about the idea of watching the show, he felt Karkat’s wrist slipping between his fingers.

 

Dave stopped walking and looked at him inquisitively, but Karkat didn’t acknowledge him. He was looking around with his frog plush under his arm, pretending to be very interested by the view of the stage in the middle of the dark meadow.

 

Dave couldn’t help thinking that it was almost as if Karkat had stopped walking with the excuse of getting his wrist back. He was reminded of the feeling he had experienced before.

 

“Karkat… can I ask you something?”

 

“Um, sure?” he replied avoiding eye-contact.

 

Dave pursed his lips. That was exactly ‘the thing’ he had been noticing.

 

“I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an insecure shithead with low self esteem but-” the flow of his words was interrupted by his real concern, which took over his voice when he talked again. “Did I fuck up? I mean… did I do something stupid or weird and made you feel uncomfortable?” Karkat’s eyes opened wide while still focused on the stage, but he remained quiet. “Because I thought I was reading the signs right and that we were gonna have this super smooth second-date with suaveness galore but... I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking, but I just feel like you are pushing me away whenever I try to get close.” Karkat’s eyes had nailed themselves on his shoes, his eyelids weighting on them again. “Not that it’s wrong or anything- I might be getting ahead of myself here. But y’know that if I’m crossing a line you can tell me, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Karkat mumbled. He seemed to be lost in his own thoughts.

 

Dave felt his anxiety rising at the silence. It didn’t look like Karkat was planning to elaborate on the matter any time soon. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? He didn’t know for sure, but he could tell his mind was starting to rush.

 

“Look, I know this looks like I’m just babbling because that’s what I tend to do to kill time, and normally I end up saying off-putting shit or just going on personal tangents no one cares about but-” he stopped to breathe. Deep. Then deeper. He needed to slow down somehow. He exhaled softly, and was surprised to find Karkat looking back at him again. That helped a bit. “I just want us to have fun,” he told him, his brain slowly settling to a more natural speed. “And I’m not sure if you are? And I thought that you wanted us to move forward with this whole thing. With us, I mean. But now I kinda have the impression that you want me to stop. So I guess… just, feel safe to tell me if that’s what you want, I won’t hold it against you at all. I just feel like a fucking inept Columbo here, investigating the shit out of all the irrelevant details with the hopes of stumbling into something, while everyone already knows how the crime really went down.”

 

Dave was surprised Karkat had let him talk for that long without saying anything. He was not used to finish his rambling episodes in their entirety.

 

“I’m sorry,” Karkat said with a thin voice while unconsciously closing and opening one hand a few times. “I don’t meant to act like a weird indecisive fucktwit or throw you off,” he sighed sharply, and his shoulders moved at the tune. “You’re right to be confused. Specially after all the… teasing and the flirting in our conversations from these past two days.”

 

Karkat’s ears turned red and his arm squeezed the frog under it. Dave felt a little embarrassed, but also relieved to hear him say that. It meant he hadn’t imagined those little hints, and that at least Karkat didn’t hate him.

 

“Then, what’s wrong?” he inquired. “Did something happen?”

 

Karkat shook his head, but couldn’t reply right away.

 

“No, it just…” he closed his eyes for a moment. He was getting flustered again. “You asked me out on a second date despite all odds, and I guess I haven’t come to terms with that yet,” he confessed quietly. Dave hesitated, but chose not to speak. Karkat looked troubled. “Everything just… snowballed from there. It was so fast, and so suddenly. I feel like I just fully realized what’s going on and… honestly, it’s really fucking overwhelming.”

 

“I’m… sorry?” he didn’t know if he was even supposed to apologize for it, but it felt wrong not to. “We can go slower if that’s what you want.”

 

“No!” Karkat jumped, startling Dave without meaning to. Immediately regretting his reaction, he bumped his forehead with his open palm and groaned. “It’s- fuck. I don’t even know how to explain it without prompting the urge to gouge my eyes out in the process, but-” He attempted to look at Dave, but went back to staring at his feet immediately. His cheeks lighted up. “It’s… so much easier to talk to you in texts. I get time to think, or to correct what I want to say before I say it… but now that we’re alone in real life, like this I mean, there’s no filter, nor a chance to think.”

 

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying,” Dave nodded. He had also felt a lot ‘safer’ saying whatever he wanted whenever he was texting Karkat. “I did get the feeling you were a bit distant compared to when we talked in the chat, but I assumed I was too.”

 

“But it’s because I’m not used to this,” he scratched his temple absently. “I don’t know how to act around you now that the cards are on the table. I feel the instinct of pushing you away and calling you names when you tease me, but that’s not what I want.”

 

Dave was overtaken by a very weird mix of emotions he couldn’t pinpoint correctly. He had not prepared himself for Karkat to be that honest.

 

“So, what do you want?” he asked gently, but also feeling genuinely curious.

 

“I don’t know?” Karkat exhaled again. He seemed to be getting frustrated with himself. “I’ve wanted this for so long that now I’m just constantly hitting some imaginary panic button because I don’t know what to do with it. It all feels unreal.”

 

“Oh, c’mon dude,” Dave patted his shoulder, trying to ignore his heart had just made a twirl. “It’s just me. There’s no need to worry about it. We just chillin’ together.”

 

“You don’t get it, do you?” Dave stopped smiling. Karkat had narrowed his eyes. The show was getting started at the stage, but apparently he had forgotten all about it. “I’ve wanted you to like me for two years. Don’t you understand what that entails?”

 

Dave couldn’t respond to that, but Karkat wasn’t waiting for an answer. His eyes had found Dave’s along with his courage.

 

“I almost hated John at some point because of how jealous I felt, you know?” his knuckles twitched at his own words. “I stopped talking to you when I couldn’t bear seeing you hurting yourself because of him anymore, and because I had given up completely on telling you how I felt. And now…” he stopped for a second. He looked down slowly at the frog he was carrying. Dave could feel his own heart pounding in a particularly painful way. “And now you add hearts when you text me goodnight, and you ask me if I had lunch, and send me pictures of things that remind you of me…” his voice trembled, and their eyes met again. “I never- I never thought, even in my wildest dreams, that you would like me back. At least never like this.”

 

It was like a punch in the gut.

 

“Fuck,” Dave hissed, clutching his chest like if he wanted to dig in and tear out his heart.

 

“Dave?”

 

“This is it, you did it. You are literally fucking killing me right now,” Dave groaned, clawing his shirt and pulling it. “Just get a load of this fucking nonsense," he took Karkat’s hand, and placed it over his chest. Karkat looked like he was fighting the urge to push him away. "Do you feel that shit? It’s been like that over and over for the past week. How do I explain this bullshit to my nonexistent-cardiologist, Karkat? He’s gonna get on my case like ‘yo be honest with me for a sec, are you doing hard drugs?’, and Imma have to be like ‘nah man, there’s just this really fucking cute dude with no concern for my well-being, who like, apparently hates the idea of dating me cuz he tries to murder me every chance he gets’.”

 

“Oh my god, shut the fuck up,” Karkat said with his voice asphyxiated by a chuckle.

 

For a second, just for an instance, Dave could swear he saw some red lines settling at the very edge of Karkat’s lower eyelids. But he couldn’t confirm his thoughts, because Karkat had stepped forward and made a shelter of his chest. He held his toy plush by its arm so he could hug Dave with both arms, and buried his nose in the gap between his neck and his shoulder.

 

Dave wrapped his arms around him too. Karkat’s response was to squeeze him tighter for a moment, to the point Dave could feel _his_ aggressive heartbeat against his own chest. Two different hearts hammering his ribs at similar rhythms, under the same embrace.

 

Even if they were standing between a music show and a town fair full of people, that hug made everything suddenly feel more private and intimate. He had never held Karkat like that before, but he loved the way he fit in his arms.

 

“Wanna hear something embarrassing?” Dave said quietly. So much more quietly than he thought he would. Karkat hummed in response, but didn’t move. “I’ve been slowly realizing that I’ve probably liked you for a very long time now…" he said in a careful tone. “But I didn’t want to think of it that way.” Karkat didn’t reply, but Dave could guess what he was thinking. “I know, right? That’s kinda fucked up. I’m sure that if you hadn’t written that song for me, I would have never stopped being a little bitch about it,” he chuckled nervously. He closed his eyes and leaned his head to the side, against Karkat’s temple, then breathed in and out slowly, trying to give his anxious heart a break. He couldn’t believe he had said it out loud. “So thanks. I wouldn’t be this happy right now if it weren’t for you.”

 

Karkat’s frogless hand held onto the back of Dave's jacket like if he wanted to pull it down, or maybe tear it in two. His body shook once, and a muffled exhalation escaped his lips, followed by a badly-hidden sniffle.

 

"I’m happy too," he cried weakly. "You make me happy.”

 

Dave suddenly realized one side of his neck was getting warmer. And humid. His heart shrank painfully at Karkat’s more audible new sob, and his arms tightened his grip around him out of instinct. He felt weak on the knees, and his heart was beating slower than before, but so hard he thought it could burst at any moment.

 

After hearing Karkat confess all those thoughts, feel the way he was holding onto him, and hear his shaky breath from is shoulder... Dave felt like if he had gained a special super power. While in the past he could only see his friend as someone who was unable to show he cared unless he was being loud and angry about it, now he could clearly see the most real and honest side of him.

 

Now, the fluorescent yellow tape across Karkat’s forehead, invisible to everyone else, was lucid and plain to see to him. The tape had big black letters that read _‘handle with care’_ , and for a good reason.

 

“Man, why do you even like me?” Dave wondered out loud, running his hand through the back of Karkat’s head. “I’m the suckiest attempt of gentleman you could possibly date. I didn’t even bring hankies.”

 

Karkat snorted faintly.

 

"I’ll let it slide, as long as you take me to the front row of the show," he said as he let go, much to Dave's disappointment. He sniffled again and tried to wipe away some tears. "I don’t wanna miss the rockabilly band I told you about. I have to see them as close as possible."

  
"Say no more. I’m gonna pull a Moses, crowd edition. Bitches better be ready to move aside.”

 

[[S] (from Karkat's POV)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OyFv7vhD-8)

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we got:
> 
> 1\. After first date gushing  
>  2\. Dowtown Fair Date Trope (one of my tope faves probably)  
>  3\. Frogs and Birds because the Homestuck references shall never end. Added links because they are such minor details and having to describe them with so much other stuff to write was driving me crazy, but I wanted you to see them lol  
>  4\. I had the most fun writing the shooting gallery scene for sure  
>  5\. A lot of Karkat feels because Dave hadn't fully understood how it had been for him so far. That's why the song today is also from karkat's pov  
>  6\. I had to choose between that last scene or a different scene at the concert, but I think I made the right choice  
> 
> 
> ANYWAY THAT'S ALL. I had to point out my fave bits because BOY this one was fucking long and I just couldn't cut it and have the rest of the stuff happen in the next chapter cuz it's almost the same length jfc  
> 
> 
> Let me know what you think. I'm hoping to be back in two weeks again, but if I'm not it's cuz I'm stuck with a similar chapter monster I did not plan.  
>  See ya later!  
> 
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　If you like this fic consider giving kudos, subscribing and telling me what you think　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　It helps boost my work and my motivation ✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*


	15. Better Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A ride for reflecting on bad and good decisions.
> 
> EDIT: I SOMEHOW MANAGED TO FUCK UP THE SONG LINK AT THE END AND POSTED THE ONE FROM THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER AGAIN. IM JUST NOTICING LIKE A MONTH LATER HAHA FML anyway i fixed it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back to apologize again wooo... sorry.
> 
> It's actually a double apology because, yes, I have brought you a chapter, but the bad news is... it's super short.
> 
> Remember how I said that the last chapter and this one were the longest ever? Well, this one got so convoluted that I rewrote parts of it and then the whole thing a few times. I literally changed *everything* twice because the pace just felt too weird to me and I couldn't make it work in my head. I can't believe how fucking hard it is even though it was supposed to be the easy just-fluff part of the story lol.
> 
> I think I have found a better way to go about the chapter now, but I'm still writing it. Sooo... since I wanted to keep you updated on what the hell I'm doing (and confirm that I haven't abandoned this fic), I chose to fix a small bit that didn't quite fit the last chapter. I already liked the ending I gave it so I was just going to add this to the next chapter, but now it doesn't fit the narrative I'm going for either, so might as well just post it instead of deleting it. I thought it would be a good recap too, sads and fluffs aside.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this baby chapter!
> 
> ((i have added skip points because I referenced the Rose/Dave thing and I know some people are not comfortable with it, so look for the ****'s if you don't wanna know anything about it ))

**Chapter 15**

_Better Things_

 

The ride back home was completely quiet. It had been a very long night and everyone was exhausted.

 

While Karkat and Dave were at the fair’s concert, John, Jade and Rose had decided to eat something before going on a full-tour through the games and rides.

 

Jade won a ridiculous amount of prizes that were now obstructing the mirror’s view from the trunk, John had annoyed the two girls to the brink of catharsis by destroying them at the car-bumpers —consequently making them team up and get their revenge on him—, and Rose regretted every single thing she had eaten when she got sick as soon as they stepped down the merry-go-round. Dave found hilarious _that_ was the ride her stomach couldn’t handle.

 

Karkat and Dave had a good time on their own as well. They spent the concert at the barricade together, and Dave had his arms around Karkat from behind the whole time because it was his new favorite thing to do. Karkat was a little shy about it at first, but the atmosphere and the music made him forget about it, and even snuggle back against him as the night got colder.

 

Dave wasn’t familiarized with any of the bands at the show, but they were all diverse in styles and enjoyable as a spectacle. Karkat knew most of them at least by name, and he had fun sharing bits of information he knew about them, like how those two bands that had just played used to be one band, or that the guitarist from that other band could play at least eight instruments.

 

Dave was genuinely interested in what Karkat had to say, but mostly because anything that made his face light up like that was now immediately added to his brand new list of Important Shit To Keep Track Of.

 

When the show was almost over, they notified their friends of their location and waited for them to show up with their skeptical looks and crossed arms. It was hard to say if they bought their three excuses and five different apologies regarding their disappearance and not answering their phones, but none of them asked any questions. That was good enough for Dave.

 

All in all, the fair had turned out to be a great idea.

 

As they advanced through the highway, Dave’s eyes scanned his surroundings slowly, his mind wandering off without him.

 

Sitting on the passenger seat, John was looking through the pictures and videos he had taken during the fireworks show, Jade kept her eyes on the road as she drove and hummed a song to herself, and Rose had her arms crossed and her temple resting against the window, giving the impression that she was falling asleep.

 

Taking advantage of their friend’s droziness and the darkness in the vehicle, Karkat had found the courage to steal Dave’s hand away, and he hadn’t given it back in a good while. He was texting someone with his other hand, looking at the phone screen with tired eyes. Dave smiled at the sight of the frog plush resting on his lap.

 

The year that had just come to an end was a rollercoaster to think back to. It had definitely turned out great at the very last minute, but somewhere along the way Dave had been almost certain he wasn’t going to make it.

 

And not just in the dramatic sense of being a hormonal teenager that foresaw imminent doom whenever something went wrong, but in the literal factual sense where his bad decisions had put him in a lot of heavy and probably dangerous situations in just the course of twelve months.

 

It was weird to think that exactly one year before, after a casual New Year’s dinner with his brothers and watching movies together, he had locked himself in his bedroom to drink whiskey from his secret stash with the sole intent of passing out.

 

Despite his night welcoming the new year had started alright, it had been completely ruined in a matter of seconds when John posted a picture of himself and Vriska together, wishing everyone a happy new year and annihilating what was left of Dave’s hopes and dreams in the process.

 

John had been extremely private about Vriska until that moment, making it easier for Dave to ignore the existence of the relationship. John had told him they didn’t want to let everyone know they were dating before they were completely sure about it, and after that information had gone through Dave’s Ear-Filters, Dave’s brain just assumed that meant John wasn’t that serious about dating Serket after all.

 

But as it turned out, John was at least serious enough to invite Vriska to a family dinner and upload a picture of them together at the reunion, even if the blue smudges of lipstick on his face were plain to see.

 

That picture was a tough lesson for Dave. It taught him he couldn’t just choose to ignore information or interpret it as he wished, because when it was time for reality to knock on the door, it knocked it down like a military tank.

 

Dave remembered that as the moment where his drinking got out of control for a while. The next morning he didn’t remember anything, but he could guess he had been crying all night because his eyes were red and swollen.

 

More than a way to cope, his habit of drinking quickly became a way to postpone thinking about unpleasant things. Then he discovered he could do that with pot too, and threw in some cigarettes as well for when he was in public and couldn’t take a hit.

 

He never said it, or thought about it for longer than a second, but there was something sickeningly calming about doing those things and having his friends express concern. It felt nice purposely letting himself sink into numbness and then hear Rose suggest he had drunk enough, or see Karkat try to take away his cigarettes and lecture him after failing to do so. It created a weird illusion of him being in control, because they kept worrying about it while he ‘couldn’t care less about consequences’ and insisted that he ‘knew what he was doing’.

 

But while Dave got into his destructive Big Boy rampage, the group began seeing less and less of John. He was too busy with his new girlfriend to spend time with his friends, or to scold Dave for acting stupid. Not much later, Karkat and Dave had that confrontation after which they stopped talking completely, and since Rose and Jade were trapped in the middle of the crossfire, Dave eventually decided to just hang out with other people at school and skip classes a lot.

 

Everything seemed to be getting worse by the minute. All John had done was love someone who wasn’t him, and Dave’s world had combusted into flames. He had always told himself that he would be fine if John never loved him back... but having both his kiss and love confession taken as drunk silliness, and seeing John date a troll he despised only a few months later, was a lot more painful that he had anticipated. He just wanted to drown all of that noise in his brain, feel something that wasn’t heartbreak and anger.

 

Provided with a shit ton of free time he didn’t want, thanks to his self-isolation, Dave started having a more nocturnal life with Rose and their older friends. It was embarrassing to go over the blurry memories of some of those nights, but luckily for him, Porrim, Rufioh and Rose had always stayed close enough to keep him out of trouble.

 

Dave was aware that he owed them big time. He used to think it was too bad they couldn’t all go back home with him every time so he wouldn’t have to sulk by himself in the loneliness of his bedroom. Some nights the thoughts in his head were so heavy and chaotic he _had to_ smoke in order to fall asleep. Surprisingly enough, Rose “Aggravating-You-Gives-Me-Joy” Lalonde had a very soft spot for him when he showed himself vulnerable like that.

 ****

Dave didn’t remember how he ended up sleeping with her for the first time, and he was certainly mortified the morning after it happened, but it didn’t take long before he discovered having intimacy with a friend wasn’t that much of a big deal. If anything, sharing a bed and embracing someone he cared about in silence was borderline therapeutic for him during those times.

 ****

But now, back in the present, the bad lonely nights were long gone.

 

Dave couldn’t help feeling a little emotional looking around and realizing he was going back to Jade’s place after having the best night he could remember with all of his best friends. Sure, he had spent a lot more time with _one_ friend in particular, but just the fact that he could actually be with his original gang like that again, after everything that had transpired, felt like a blessing on itself.

 

He failed not to feel proud of himself in a way.

 

There already was a lot to celebrate, like the fact that he had managed to forgive John and love him in a healthier way, or that he had almost completely dropped his worst habits by his own volition. But his biggest achievement that year, without a doubt, was making up with Karkat and finally letting himself understand his own feelings for him.

 

That part of the year was definitely the three consecutive loops in the rollercoaster’s tracks. He felt amused now that it was over and he could think back and laugh about it, even if he had been screaming and freaking out the whole time.

 

Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it had actually happened. After all, Karkat was someone he met as Terezi’s Kismesis, who had eventually become a friend, then his best friend, and now… whatever the hell they were.

 

Labels didn’t matter to Dave nearly as much as being with him did.

 

They had silently agreed to take baby steps, because they were both new to the idea of dating someone who was exactly in the same page as them, but it was unavoidable to feel silly about how things had already developed.

 

Two weeks before, Dave was sweating bullets about the mere possibility of being left alone with Karkat, and now they had spent the whole night together, having fun and resolving issues that kept them from moving forward as a couple.

 

He felt his heart racing just by remembering their conversation from earlier, and the moment Karkat put his arms around him. His stomach twirled painfully without further warning when his memories briefly recreated the feeling of holding him against him.

 

He let his thumb absently run through the back of Karkat’s hand. Karkat stopped typing on his phone to address him a curious glance, and only then, Dave noticed what his body had done without consulting with his brain first.

 

Knowing he couldn’t say anything out loud without drawing attention, he shook his head in silence to disregard the gesture’s intention, and then smiled timidly. Karkat returned the smile, making Dave’s heart sigh.

 

He felt wholesome.

 

 

 

[[S] Better Things](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXwbQjhFUc8)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much to Dannibear, edible, Zombelo, pobreciti, Shinime, hexaS for your comments <33333333  
>  You make my suffering bearable lol
> 
> I gotta go now. I'm crossing my fingers to ch16 finished in less than two weeks. Wish me luck.
> 
> I know this chapter is small, so if you can't think of your favorite part, maybe let me know what you think of the story so far?
> 
> See ya later babez
> 
> xo. Ro.
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*


	16. They Call Him Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long can you really go on dates with your bestfriend without using the other B word? 
> 
>  
> 
> (no, not bitch)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm here!! 
> 
> Good news I have a chapter! More good news is... it's horrifyingly long holy shit how did this happen AGAIN?? If you like something you should probably write it down because i can't promise you won't forget about it lmao
> 
> Anyway it's a cute one. Hope you enjoy!

**Chapter 16**

_"They Call Him Love"_

  

Winter break was almost over, and school was right around the corner.

 

While most students used their remaining free time to go out with friends, others chose to stay home and do little to nothing, mostly to recharge batteries before they were dragged back to homework and exams. Dave was glad he had spent so much time with his friends during the holidays, but now that they were all doing other things, he could focus exclusively on very important matters.

 

“A’right, shoot.”

 

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

 

“As in… intentionally?”

 

“I guess...?”

 

He and Karkat were in the Strider’s common room again. They had spent the last week solely texting each other or hanging out in Dave’s apartment, where they didn’t have to be paranoid about running into people they knew. It had been great.

 

Not only it was nice to secretly see each other in one place until they figured out how to tell their friends, but Dave’s apartment in particular was also perfect for the kind of chill hangouts they were all about. There were always snacks, a huge TV, several consoles and games, good internet connection, and most importantly, something resembling to privacy.

 

Luckily for them, Dirk and Bro knew how to handle themselves around their brother’s date. They were never intrusive when Karkat was over —normally they waited for him to go home—, and most of the time he was visiting they kept themselves busy in their respective rooms, only coming out to go to the kitchen or the bathroom from time to time.

 

Dave agreed with Karkat when he said it was cool that his family knew how to mind their business; but he still couldn’t help feeling relieved when, right before Karkat arrived that day, Dirk announced he was going out with friends. Bro was already passed out in his bedroom, finally getting the rest he deserved after the Christmas Delivery Craze, meaning Dave and Karkat had the place for themselves for once.

 

It was the first time the apartment was so quiet and peaceful since vacation had started, and Dave appreciated not having to worry about someone walking into the common room and interrupting whatever they were doing. During those past few days he had learned how not-smooth he was, and how hard it was for him to start physical contact. The possibility of his brothers accidentally witnessing something compromising hadn’t made it any easier.

 

But that day, with the two older Striders out of the way, Dave felt safe enough to lie down on the couch and rest his head on Karkat’s lap while they played his silly questions game. He had to intertwine his fingers on top of his stomach and close his eyes to dissimulate his nervousness, a task that became more challenging after Karkat’s fingers sank in his hair and started curling and stroking it gently.

 

It made him happy that Karkat was so comfortable doing things like that now, and he loved the casual touching, and the occasional cuddling during movies, but he couldn’t help feeling a little anxious about the lack of real-talk they’ve had since the start of the New Year.

 

He didn’t want to admit how much it was bothering him either (especially because Karkat seemed to be the least concerned of the two), but the amount of time that had passed without anything _eventful_ happening between them was close to be classified as unnerving. It was hard to tell if they were officially a couple now, or still very cuddly friends, and Dave didn’t know how to address that.

 

One would think that a romcom fan like Karkat, who had crushed on him for more than a year, would be the first to clear up the smoke between the two... but either he was _really_ savouring the friends-to-something-else experience, or knowingly torturing Dave as a private vendetta for making him wait so long on the first place.

 

“Hmm, worst thing I’ve ever done…” he mumbled to himself, his eyes still closed while he put his feet up on the couch’s armrest. “Shoplifted cigarettes, I guess.”

 

“Woah wait, seriously?” Karkat’s fingers stopped twirling in his hair.

 

“Yeah, I think that’s the worst one.”

 

“How can you admit it so shamelessly?? That’s like the fucking peak of teenage delinquency, Dave.” He couldn’t see his expression, but his voice suggested it wasn’t a pleased one. Dave had to give himself a mental-facepalm for not seeing that coming. “That’s how bank robbers and murderers get their careers started. Is that what you are trying to do? Start in the Crime Minor Leagues as a Junior Felon?”

 

“Dude, chill,” he grumbled, although he couldn’t help finding his silly worrying strangely cute. “It was just a pack of cigarettes. It’s not like they were gonna sell them to me anyway, and I never did it again.”

 

“Charles Manson used to be a teenage delinquent too, you know?” with Karkat being too busy in the middle of his ongoing outrage, Dave’s quiet ‘oh my god’ went unnoticed. “And look where that took him. The guy has like a million life-sentences!”

 

“Karkat, are you even listening to the shit you’re saying?” Dave inquired, finally separating his eyelids just enough to find a condemning set of eyes staring down at him. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not a weird fucked up psychopath. Shit, I’m not even a fucking teenage delinquent, dude. You’re just being dramatic as per fucking usual.”

 

“Oh yes, yes, forgive me,” Karkat said with a very fake apologetic tone. “I forgot you just turned eighteen, which technically makes you a Young Adult Delinquent. You aren’t going to a juvenile correction center anymore, just straight up to motherfucking prison.”

 

“Will you fucking can it already?” Dave snapped, although Karkat’s seemingly calm reasoning was so amusing to him, he was having a hard time trying not to laugh. “Sheesh. I thought the whole point of this game was not being judgemental. I’m not that sure I wanna keep playin’.”

 

“The whole point of this game is answering revealing questions or saying something equally scandalous if failing to do so,” Karkat informed him with disdain, but then discreetly going back to playing with his blond hair. “Honestly, Dave, I don’t know what gave you the absurd idea that there was no judging happening in-between.”

 

Dave chuckled when he saw Karkat’s poorly hidden smile. He couldn’t really complain anyway. He should’ve known from the start that if they played a game like that, he would have a lot more compromising information to give away than him.

 

“Okay, my turn then,” he said stroking his hands together. Karkat pursed his lips, bracing for impact, and not without a reason. Dave’s questions had been very tame to that point, and his sudden excitement reeked of anticipation for revenge. “Did you ever kiss Meenah?”

 

“Pass.”

 

“Oh, _come on_!” Dave complained right away. “I have to confess my criminal record and subsequently go to Karkat Trial, but you won’t answer anything riskier than your radio guilty pleasure? That’s some dictatorship bs right fucking there. Guilty pleasures aren’t confession material, man. Kissing a punk sea-dweller babe three years older than you, on the other hand…”

 

“Let’s just not talk about Meenah,” Karkat asked with a voice that resembled someone fighting back a migraine. Dave just stared at him from his lap with a face full of reproach, and then crossed his arms expectantly. Karkat sighed in resignation. “Okay fine, I’ll confess something more significant. Get off my fucking case for a second and let me think…”

 

Dave smiled to himself. He loved that face Karkat made when he was trying to come up with something serious, while also verbally flipping him off without losing his concentration. He didn’t think anyone would find it nearly as endearing as he did… proving once again how deep in the ditch he already was.

 

“Okay, I got it,” he suddenly said, bringing Dave back from his personal detour down his subconscious. Karkat took a deep breath. “I… had a weird crush on Jade while I was dating Terezi.”

 

A very long two-second silence took place, forcing Karkat to look away again.

 

“Woah, okay…” Dave said slowly. “That definitely compensates for the Meenah secret,” he admitted. He couldn’t say he was entirely surprised, but he never thought Karkat would admit something like that on the first place. Dave recalled him badgering Jade constantly over the tiniest things when they first started talking, which to outsiders, probably just looked like Karkat was a petty and mean kid. But Dave knew what that behaviour really meant. “You have a thing for trying to fight and enrage your crushes at first, huh? No wonder you got black and red feelings mixed up all the time, K.”

 

Karkat blushed indiscriminately. For a second it looked like he was about to yell at Dave for making such an incriminatory suggestion, but just a moment later, his eyes opened wide, like if he had just realized something.

 

He looked down at Dave. He seemed horrified. “Oh my god-” he said almost in a whisper. “I do that, don’t I? I did it with Terezi, and then Jade, and then you.” Dave smiled and shrugged a bit, but Karkat was still in shock by the revelation. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

 

Dave snorted, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t think he’d like to hear his thoughts on the matter. It always took a while for Karkat to get comfortable around others, specially when he was younger. He never used to show his true colors around new people, so it was common for him to find animosity when first getting to know someone.

 

“I can’t believe that, of all the people in the world, you also liked Jade,” Dave said, suddenly making a connection he had never made before. Karkat gave him an inquisitive look. “I mean, because we both liked Terezi, and I don’t think I ever told you, but Jade was my first girlfriend.”

 

“Get the fuck out,” was Karkat’s immediate reaction. He opened his mouth without noticing. “Did I hear that right? Our JADE was your first girlfriend?” Dave went ‘uh-huh’, but Karkat’s expression didn’t change. “You are pulling my leg right now, aren’t you? Is this some kind of elaborate ruse to falsificate your next confession, so you can get away with skipping my turn to ask you?”

 

“No, dude. We said no pranking during the confessions game, remember?” He hadn’t meant to change the subject, but he could tell he had accidentally caught Karkat’s attention. He wasn’t going to let him brush it off now. “It’s not that weird. We’ve known each other for a long ass time. I had literally just met her when she asked me out.”

 

“That’s preposterous. How does that even work?” Karkat inquired almost alarmed. Dave had to bite his tongue to avoid answering immediately. Karkat’s thoughts were clearly escalating by the second, and that always held endless possibilities of ridiculousness. “Did you just exchange hellos and then started making out or what?”

 

“Something like that,” this time he couldn’t help laughing when he saw Karkat’s eyebrows arch on their way up, perfectly in synch with his slowly-opening mouth. “We were seven, calm your fucking tits.”

 

Karkat’s face relaxed for a second, only to morph into confusion, and then into quiet surprise. Dave wished he were fast enough to pull out his phone and take a picture because the resulting expression was portrait-worthy. Alas, Karkat got over the shock a little too soon.

 

“Oh, okay. I guess that makes sense,” he said quietly. “Or does it? Now that I think about it, I’m not sure if it does. I didn’t even think seven year olds could date.”

 

“Well, the reason I don’t think of it as dating is because it can hardly be qualified as that,” Dave admitted. Karkat cocked a brow, intrigued. “I don’t even know if she remembers it to begin with. It was the first day of elementary, and after three days we kinda forgot we said we were dating.”

 

“That’s… almost painfully cute.”

 

“I know, huh? Tho I think she only liked me for my shades, if I’m being completely honest here. Not my current shades, obviously. I used to wear those anime ones my brothers have. Jade just came up to me that day in the playground, she said hello, I said sup’, and she said your shades are cool, and then hey so do you wanna be my bf or what, and I said yeah sure, and then she smooched me.”

 

“Oh my god…?”

 

“Yeah, I know. Tiny Jade’s game was unreal for a seven-year old. She didn’t give a shit about steps or nothing, it was like if she was sealing the deal.”

 

“So, does that mean she was your first kiss too?”

 

“Uh… yeah, I guess so.”

 

“Why do you seem so unbothered??” Karkat looked nonplused. “Isn’t it a bit weird to you?”

 

“Why would it be weird?” Dave inquired, honestly confused.

 

“I don’t know…” Karkat’s eyes shifted as he blushed a bit. Apparently he hadn’t been ready for Dave’s chillness on the matter. “I just feel like kissing a friend and then never talking about it again, just carrying on with your lives like it wasn’t a thing that happened... I’m sure it would be at least a little fucking awkward to me at times. Specially if I hung out with them so much.”

 

“Nah, it’s cool,” Dave dismissed with a hand movement. “I tend to like my friends anyway. Terezi was my first real girlfriend, you know what went down with John, and Rose and I even-” something in his head changed the direction of his sentence out of instinct. “-we’ve made out a bunch of times while drunk.”

 

He hadn’t told anyone about his friends-with-benefits thing with Rose, and he didn’t think he wanted to start with Karkat. Maybe later, and once he was sure Rose was okay with him revealing that information.

 

“Oh my god, so you’re a friend-slut.”

 

Dave couldn’t say he was expecting that. He blinked twice before he was able to react.

 

“Did you- did you just call me a slut?”

 

But Karkat didn’t seem to mind his language, or that Dave couldn’t decipher if he had been insulted. He looked beyond amused, and somewhat relieved. “All the time we didn’t talk I thought you were kissing and sleeping around with strangers from bars,” he confessed. “But no, apparently you only swing locally.”

 

“That’s a really cool way to put it, actually,” Dave admitted with faint surprise. He didn’t say it out loud, but the sole idea of him sleeping around for fun was laughable to say the least. He didn’t even like acquaintances hugging him. “I’ll take it. I’d one hundred percent recommend kissing friends over kissing strangers for sure.”

 

But then he noticed Karkat was quiet, the amusement on his face fading.

 

“Now that I think about it…” he began, looking at Dave like if he had just realized he was there, using his lap as a pillow. Dave’s gut told him danger was approaching, but he couldn’t understand why until it was too late. “Does that mean I’m the only one of your close friends that you haven’t kissed?”

 

It was like spilling hot coffee on yourself.

 

Dave couldn’t react for the next few seconds. He felt like if his brain was restarting itself. Karkat was looking at him in the eye, an unusual thing for him to do after asking a question that forward, making it harder for him to think what to say.

 

He hadn’t realized. He had never put together that, one way or another, he had kissed all of his best friends, except for one. Except for the only friend who had revealed to have strong feelings for him. The only one he had gone on a real date with.

 

It almost looked intentional. And it wasn’t. Good fucking lord, it wasn’t.

 

He had been meaning- no, _dying_ to kiss Karkat from the moment they had arranged their second date. But it just wasn’t that easy. All of his other kisses had happened without him starting them, or being under the influence of alcohol or weed. They had basically happened by themselves. He had never made the sober clear-headed decision of grabbing someone by their face and meshing their mouths together.

 

And truth was that, even if several windows of opportunity had presented themselves in the course of that last week, he had never taken them. He was too afraid to. Even though he didn’t have reasons to think Karkat would push him away or tell him that kiss was a mistake, his body just reacted on its own. Or didn’t, rather.

 

He wished he could read Karkat’s mind and know what he thought about the whole thing. He didn’t look angry or sad, if anything, maybe a little offended. Dave felt like he had to explain himself, even if it was just to inform him he had never wanted to leave him out of the Kissed Dave Strider exclusive club.

 

But like every single time Dave had to decide whether to make a move or not, something else happened.

 

_I wanna see your peacock, cock, cock_

_Your peacock, cock_

_Your peacock, cock, cock_

_Your peacock_

 

“What the fuck-” Karkat said both with his mouth and his face.

 

Dave didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

 

Dirk couldn’t just send him a movie soundtrack song for his personalized ringtone like everyone else, like Dave had _explicitly asked him to do_. No. Dirk wanted to be the special snowflake on his contact list, while also silently defying him to object to the song.

 

Needless to say, Dave had accepted the ringtone without a word. He always knew his Irony ego was dangerous to have at times, and as it turned out, Dirk’s embarrassing ringtone was an amazing double-edged sword. The annoying catchy-to-the-bone chorus worked as a great distraction at the moment, but it was still a little awkward having their conversation about kissing being interrupted by a woman demanding to see someone’s dick.

 

“Don’t ask,” he pleaded quietly, aware that Karkat’s eyebrows were contradicting laws of gravity, trying to abandon his forehead and probably the planet. Dave sat up in one swift movement, inevitably —and thankfully— giving his back to Karkat while he extracted the phone from his pants and answered it.

 

He had a hard time understanding what Dirk was saying. He hadn’t forgotten Karkat’s question even for a second, and the beating of his heart was so hard and loud it was distracting. In the midst of his own mental chaos, he managed to get that his brother was back from his day out with friends, and that he was now waiting in the car, just outside the building, in case Karkat needed a ride home.

 

Whether Dave wanted it or not, that was his getaway. Once he hung up, he sat on the couch correctly and turned to Karkat.

 

“Sorry, that was Dirk,” he told him. “He says he can take you home right now.”

 

“Oh… okay, sure,” Karkat said. There was a nanosecond where he seemed to be considering saying something else, but then abandoned the idea and stood up. “Let me go grab my things.”

 

“‘Kay.”

 

As he saw him disappear into his room, Dave felt like screaming. Why hadn’t anyone told him how hard it was to date your bestfriend? Contact and realtalk were hardships already without anyone bringing The Kissing Elephant into the room.

 

When Karkat came back with his jacket and bag in hands, Dave still didn’t know what to do. He stood up from the couch and started stretching to give himself a few extra seconds to think, but at the end he had to accept there was no option other than pretending the last few minutes had never happened. He had to change the topic to something wildly different that couldn’t possibly drag them back to that conversation again.

 

“I know it’s not my turn, but can I make another confession?” Karkat said completely out of the blue, as they walked together towards the door. He didn’t even give Dave a chance to respond. “I did kiss Meenah.”

 

“Oh shit… really?” His plan hadn't foreseen Karkat confessing kissing someone.

 

“I thought you already knew,” Karkat observed, a little taken aback.

 

“Kinda, yeah,” he lied. “I mean, I thought it was entirely possible since she liked you a lot and all.” And yet somehow he had never imagined it could actually happen. It felt a little contradictory hearing it at that point. “But if you thought I already knew, why didn’t you just tell me? Sounds like an effortless confession to me.”

 

“It’s not like I didn’t want to tell you…” he stopped for a moment to let Dave open the door. Once both of them were out of the apartment, he tried again. “It’s kind of fucking stupid honestly, but that was my first kiss. And unlike you, mine wasn’t a grossly cute happenstance you bring up at parties as a fun anecdote for everyone to hear.”

 

Dave’s heart skipped a beat at those words. He turned around immediately after locking the door, and found Karkat looking at his feet. His mind couldn’t help jumping to the worst conclusion.

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“Because it was irrelevant as fuck,” he shrugged, unaware that Dave had just abandoned the idea of cutting Meenah into sushi. They both approached the elevator. “It was when we were rehearsing in her house. It was like any other day. We were talking about lyrics or some stupid shit like that, and I mentioned I had never kissed anyone. Then she asked if I wanted her to kiss me. I just said yes because I’m pathetic, and honestly, was kind of desperate.”

 

Karkat called the elevator while his eyes were set on the silver doors, clearly as an excuse not to look at Dave. But he wasn’t very good at hiding the way his hands turned into fists now and then, like if they were trying to soothe the embarrassment.

 

“You’re not pathetic,” Dave told him. The elevator doors opened and they walked inside. “Most people would agree to that. Meenah can be a jerk, but she’s a jerk babe.”

 

“But I only agreed because of stupid reasons,” Karkat groaned, finally breaking into the exasperated tone of annoyance he had been holding back. Dave pushed the 1F button for him, since he seemed too distracted to do so. “That stuff I told you about thinking you were sleeping around and making out with strangers? That’s a legit thing I believed. I also assumed Rose wasn’t that different, and this was all happening while John and Jade were in committed relationships and going on dates regularly…”

 

“I… think I don’t get what you’re saying.”

 

“I just felt like I was falling behind,” he explained hesitantly. “Like all my friends were having these experiences I couldn’t get for whatever reason and… God, how can anyone be this fucking piteous? Even my one Kismesitude never had anything like that, so I just agreed to kiss Meenah like if I wanted to cross it off a list,” Karkat’s disappointment echoed within the elevator, which kept going down. He exhaled quietly and crossed his arms. “I don’t know, I guess it bothers me because it was my first kiss but it didn’t mean anything to me. It wasn’t bad, just weird.”

 

“Dude, that’s fine. Most first kisses go like that,” Dave assured him. He was trying to choose the right words, because now he could tell it was a touchy subject. “No one knows what the fuck they’re doing when they kiss someone for the first time. It’s not that important, don’t worry.” He patted his shoulder reassuringly, making Karkat slowly direct his gaze in his direction. He smiled when their eyes met. Dave did too. “...Plus, the second kiss tends to be the good one people talk about in reunions and shit.”

 

“Is it…?” Karkat inquired.

 

“I mean that’s normally the case,” Dave shrugged. He knew his thoughts had derailed and somehow taken over his tongue, but he was trying his damn hardest to sound and look as casual as possible. “If you want to, we could try it out.”

 

The elevator had reached the first floor and the doors opened, but none of them moved. They stayed inside and kept looking at each other in silence.

 

“You mean… like, right now?” Karkat realized out loud.

 

“Why not?” and once he said it, Dave became fully aware that he had completely lost control of his mouth. The elevator doors closed again, and his heart started racing. “You want a good kiss story and apparently I’m one friend away from completing my Smooched Friends bingo.” He caught on Karkat’s squinty eyes right away, and couldn’t help blushing a bit. Apparently he couldn’t bullshit his way out of everything. When he spoke again, he did it in a completely flat tone. “Also I just really want to fucking kiss you.”

 

“Couldn’t you just say that sooner?” Karkat mumbled with furrowed eyebrows and bright red cheeks.

 

“God, I know. I’m so fucking sorry.”

 

There was no other initial contact. Too eager and fidgety, Dave just stepped closer and reduced the distance between them, while Karkat seemed to freeze on his place. Dave closed his eyes, silently hoping he wasn’t the only one doing so. And he wasn’t, but it didn’t matter. When his lips reached Karkat’s, his brain disconnected for a second, making him lose all track of what he was thinking a moment before.

 

It was a soft but tight encounter. The initial angle was not the ideal, but neither of them tried to step back. The kiss blossomed by itself. They attempted to mold their faces together with the least distance necessary, creating a couple of awkward nose and half-lip-half-cheek encounters at first. But after a few tries of changing the position of their heads, they found a comfortable one to stick with.

 

Dave felt his knees trembling. His body was light and his mind was apparently gone. All he could perceive was Karkat’s hands traveling to his back, the smell and warmth of his skin, and the sweet taste of his mouth on his. He found himself curling his arms around him by mere instinct.

 

He had experienced innocent and playful kisses before, stole desperate ones, shared hungry ones too. But this was the very first time he was struck by that kind of unexpected tenderness. Karkat made his lips his own with a slow and careful pace, unsure of how to proceed but determined to continue.

 

The elevator’s doors opened up again.

 

The two of them jumped away from each other like if they had been zapped, the color draining from their faces when they looked outside. Dirk was standing before the elevator, his finger still pushing the button.

 

“Woah, mazel tov,” was all he managed to say. His expression was unreadable. Dave groaned and covered his face with both hands. “Sorry, you were taking so long I thought you weren’t coming down anymore.” Noticing Dave was busy trying to encrust his own shades on his face, he threw Karkat the car keys, who barely managed to catch them with both hands. “I’ll... leave you guys to it.”

 

And without another word, he turned and left, presumably to take the stairs.

 

“Wait, don’t you want to-” the doors closed, and Karkat’s voice was reduced to a murmur. “... take the elevator.”

 

 

\--------------------

It hadn't been fun. Not one bit.

 

He couldn't really blame Dirk, specially after receiving five texts in a row from him saying sorry and asking if he had fucked everything up.

 

But as Dave pointed out, it was not his fault. It just hadn't been a good day. Timing was a souless bitch.

 

The car ride was mostly quiet. When he parked on Karkat’s street, a whole block away from his house so Dad Vantas couldn’t see them arrive, he let go a long sigh without noticing.

 

Karkat turned to look at him for a moment, before he asked.

 

“Are you going to be okay?”

 

Dave shrugged, his gaze fixed on the windshield. “Sure,” he said with more resignation than conviction. He hadn’t stopped thinking about it even for a second and he felt like he was going insane. “I mean, I had been trying to prevent that specific incident from happening all week, but it happened anyway, so who gives a shit?”

 

“I’m sure Dirk is sorry…” Karkat said carefully, like if he was trying the water before stepping in. “Just don’t hold it against him, okay?”

 

“No, of course not."

 

He put his hands on the wheel again and absently stared at his own fingers tap on it. He could tell Karkat was still staring.

 

“I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at myself,” he admitted, bitterness swelling in his tongue. “Like, all of this could've been avoided if I had tried it days ago. I always pride myself of not tiptoeing around obvious shit, and Jade always mentions how I should be more tactful... but the only times I really fucking try to be, my brain takes it to a whole different level and doesn’t stop worrying about my idiotic insecure crap.”

 

He gritted his teeth without noticing. He couldn't even enjoy the fact that he had finally kissed Karkat. He was so tired of himself. 

 

“Sheesh, I'm such a fucking joke. I just don’t understand why it’s so impossible for me to man up and kiss my goddamn boyfriend like a regular human being. It shouldn’t be rocket fucking scie-” his words stopped like if they had hit a wall. He looked up again, nailing his eyes on the road like if he had just seen a ghost in the middle of it. “... I just fucking said the B word out loud, didn’t I?”

 

“... yeah.” He couldn’t see Karkat’s expression, but since he had taken a few seconds to reply, he could imagine it.

 

“Oh my god,” Dave grumbled in response to his own full-realization. The heel of his palm slammed against his forehead, making him groan again in reaction to the pain. “Un-fucking-believable,” he muttered completely to himself, like if Karkat wasn’t even there. The temperature in the car seemed to be rising. “Every single FUCKING time. Is it yapping away like a psychofrenic chimpanzee the only thing I can fucking do right? Holy fucking shit. Might as well just throw shit at people to communicate at this point, because it seems like I am incapable of going five seconds without making an idiot out of-”

 

“Dave…” He felt a warm grasp taking his hand away from his face.

 

He was reluctant to look at him at first; his guts felt like if they had melted inside of him and his face hurt from the blood it had accumulated. He had never wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole as much as he did in that moment. He just wanted that day to be over.

 

But then he felt something on the side of his face. Karkat had just kissed his cheek without further warning.

 

Dave turned to look at him like if he couldn’t believe what had just happened, but aside from the very intense red on his face, Karkat seemed completely calm about it.

 

“I use the B word in my head all the fucking time too. Don't worry, it’s fine.”

 

And that was all he had to say. Dave’s fingers closed slowly around the hand holding his, as the panic that had been building up in his chest started to subside little by little.

 

There was so much fondness in Karkat's voice, something so soothing about him making such confession only to make him feel better. Dave’s heart ached a little. The relief he felt by staring at those red-tinted eyes and knowing he didn’t have to say anything else was almost overwhelming.

 

He still couldn’t help feeling a bit silly, but it was clear that worrying was the last thing he should do when he was with Karkat. He was so used to being the one helping him settle down, that he tended to forget he was great at guiding him back to his senses as well. Instead of letting him crash and burn, Karkat reminded him he could stop himself and let his mind breathe for a moment.

 

And that was exactly what he did. He let his mind breathe for the whole five seconds he looked directly into his eyes, and then carefully cupped his face with both hands to bring it closer.

 

This time he didn’t even think about it, or wondered if he was going to close his eyes like him. He just knew. They both did.

 

He kissed him again, softly. Karkat responded more naturally from the beginning, and even pulled Dave's shirt towards him.

 

Thanks to the privacy the inside of the car provided them, this time the kiss kept going much longer, until they were out of breath.

  
Dave was going to make sure to drop off his boyfriend himself from now on.

 

 

[[S] He is Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a66Fqipst64)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non shocking fact of the day: This was originally two chapters i couldn't bring myself to cut in 2 because i'm fucking weak and i hate cliffhangers hahaha!!!! godfuckingdammit
> 
> Anyway, have awkward cute dorks fooling around and freaking out about kisses. Tell me your favorite part, cuz im dying to know.
> 
> Thank you as always for reading and your beautiful comments Sol1t41r3, TabbyDoll, Zombelo, Dannibear, screamingHeartthrob, OmegaAdmin (LowlyMishaMinion), Momcult, and TheImpossibleSnicks <3
> 
> I'll try to be back in two weeks, let's see how that goes lol
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
> xo.Ro.
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*


	17. Seeds of Wrath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're past formalities now. Some secrets can't be kept for long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a long time, but wrote a long chapter. Yay?
> 
> This time I actually had to divide it in two though, so I want to think it won't take me forever to update next time.
> 
> I apologize if the text conversations feel a little awkward because of the formatting, but I don't have the patience to cut the paragraphs so they all have the "canon" length. Hopefully you won't mind.
> 
> Anyway enjoy!

**Chapter 17**

_Seeds of Wrath_

 

alright  
full disclosure  
i got a confession to make

About dating Karkat, perhaps?

oh  
my fucking  
god  
what the hell???

You can’t be legitimately surprised.

i am legitimately fucking offended is what i am  
you just shat all over my very well crafted announcement  
how did you even know

Believe it or not, your level of discretion is not what I would call prodigious.

...  
so do john and jade know too

I don’t think so. Not yet at least.   
Although I’m sure they're curious about your recent... behaviour.

what recent behaviour

Let’s see...

i take it back lets pretend i never asked  
rose  
omfg stop typing right the fuck now i changed my mind

Avoiding Karkat for weeks after the night where the two of you left The Raven by yourselves, followed by disappearing with him for quite a while both at the Christmas party and the New Year’s fair. Not to mention all the times the two of you aren’t around and don’t answer your phones or messages, or that you bring him up constantly in conversations he isn’t part of.  
Should I continue?

okay fine  
nevermind all this pacing around and careful planning  
it was all for fucking nothing  
thanks rose

Oh, you have nothing to thank me for. It was all you.  
How are you two doing, by the way? I take you are content with your decision?

honestly?

Yes.

rose

Yes?

jesuschrist rose

Just Rose is fine.

this fucking guy  
i swear to god  
how did the universe come up with him

I don’t think I am fit to answer a question of such nature.  
But since I don’t believe the universe is a sentient entity capable of ‘coming up’ with things and people, and I’m fairly certain Karkat’s character and environment are the main reason he is the way he is, it is endearing to hear you consider these circumstances a divine act of some sort.  
He must be particularly lovely for you to be confessing this to me so openly.

lovely doesnt even start covering it  
hes like what you would get if you throw all of the pleasant things a person can be with a fuck ton of offensive language and short temper in a blender  and then boom  
you got yourself a perfect babe milkshake

Bringing all the Daves to the yard, I presume?

damn right  
but really hes great  
maybe too great?  
sometimes i feel like i dont deserve him  
like i could swear this is just a prank and someones gonna take him back with the rest of the actors any moment  
yoo im an actor hes an actor everyones an actor and you just got fucking punkd dude  
no perfect babe milkshake for you vips with membership card only  
and then ashton kutcher comes out of nowhere and knocks me unconscious with a bat or something  
thats how that show worked right

I never had the pleasure of watching it myself, but I highly doubt it.

well doesnt matter  
oh also  
just promise not to tell john and jade yet ok  
no one was supposed to know until tomorrow

Oh? Then why did you choose to “surprise me” with this hot top secret so prematurely?

i just wanted to let you know first  
yknow since you were the one who told me to give it a shot and all  
honestly its probably the best fucking decision ive ever made so  
thanks i owe ya big time

Why, not at all. I just made a suggestion that happened to work for the two of you. But I must say, I am glad things turned out the way they did.  
Do not fret, my lips are sealed.

cool  
uh... right and i guess that means no more casual fucking and stuff  
it seems im headed towards two-people-only territory and all that yknow how it is

I am aware of the monogamy protocole, yes. And I agree that would be the best course of action for both of us from now on. Being entirely honest, it’s hard to say I’ve thought of our carnal encounters myself. I’m busy pursuing my own... perfect babe milkshake.

wow ouch (not)  
but cool good luck with that  
keep me updated on the tmz maryamxlalonde front

Will do ;)  
I’ll see you tomorrow in school then.

yeah for sure  
ttyl

______

k where are you  
we are in the cafeteria waiting for you already

SORRY   
I’M OUTSIDE OF MS. HANDSMAID’S OFFICE. I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE HER THE NEW VERSION OF MY LAST FUCKING PAPER. 

the one she gave us back before the break

THAT ONE, YEAH.  
THE HAG INSISTED I HAD TO TAKE IT TO HER OFFICE ON THE VERY FIRST DAY EVEN THOUGH WE DON’T HAVE CLASS WITH HER UNTIL TOMORROW.   
CLEARLY, SHE STILL PLANS ON ANTAGONIZING ME BECAUSE OF MY VERY INSIGHTFUL AND COLORFUL OPINIONS ABOUT THE AUTHORS AND BOOKS WE’VE SEEN IN CLASS.

so you mean you shat all over the grapes of wrath again

NOT WITHOUT A REASON!   
OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM DICTATES THAT OUR TAKE ON LITERATURE ONLY MATTERS WHEN IT’S THE SAME AS THE TEACHER’S, AND I FUCKING REFUSE TO YIELD. I AM A RENEGADE AND MUST FIGHT “THE SYSTEM” FOR EVERYTHING I BELIEVE IN, AND I BELIEVE THE ONLY PLACE FOR THE GRAPES OF WRATH IS THE FUCKIN TRASH. LIT ON FIRE. AND THEN THROWN DOWN INTO THE GRAND-FUCKING-CANYON.

man  
you know i support free speech and i hear ya  
but also maybe consider not shittin on old dead writers and their books? teachers have word boners for those

I AM PRETTY FUCKING AWARE OF SAID BONERS DAVE, THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT!  
SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT INTERPRET EDGAR ALLAN POE CORRECTLY AND CALLS LOUISA MAY ALCOTT’S BOOKS SOMETHING AS CONDESCENDING AS ‘BOOKS FOR GIRLIES’ *DOES NOT* GET ANY PATS ON THE BACK FROM ME. FUCK NO. SHE CAN MAKE ME REDO ALL THE PAPERS SHE WANTS, I WILL CONTINUE TO DELIVER MY OPINION HONESTLY AND ACCURATELY OR MIGHT AS WELL DIE TRYING.

the dying bit aside   
thats fine and all yknow i wouldnt want to interrupt your chances to succumb to anarchy   
down with the man etc  
but what about the thing

OH... RIGHT. THE THING.  
WELL, THE DEMONESS DOESN’T EVEN SEEM TO BE HERE SO I MIGHT BE LATE.  
BUT IF YOU WANT TO TELL THEM, YOU CAN DO IT.  
I DON’T MIND. PLUS I REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW TO TELL THEM MYSELF.

aww man  
well it might make things a little less awkward who knows  
so ok  
but try to hurry up anyway  
i havent seen you in like two periods im gonna start having withdrawals any minute now

...YOU ARE FUCKING RIDICULOUS SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?

you misspelled adorable and charming no wonder you had to redo that paper

DON’T EVEN FUCKING TRY ME RIGHT NOW. I HAD TWO HOURS OF SLEEP BECAUSE OF THIS PIECE OF SHIT PAPER.

sorry  
uh... wanna grab some coffee after school or smth

OH, YEAH THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

nice  
imma drop the bomb on these chums while you turn in your passive aggressive homework then  
see ya in a bit <3

OKAY <3

________________________

 

“Dave, where’s Karkat?”

 

Dave raised his gaze from the phone screen. He was sitting at a cafeteria table with his food tray, and Jade and John were sitting on the other side while they looked at him expectantly, clearly growing impatient by his silence.

Rose usually arrived a few minutes late to lunch, making Karkat the only unusual absence at the table.

“Tryin’ to get the Demoness to accept another stupid paper,” Dave informed with resignation.

He put away his phone and then pulled his food tray closer. He usually got a plain burger for lunch, but this time he’d added a salad just to shake things up a bit. That was definitely the only reason, and not because Karkat had asked him to try eating something other than fast food, breakfast food, or chips.

“Good luck with that,” Jade scoffed and rolled her eyes. “I stopped trying to be critical in my papers a long time ago. I only stick to the steps she gave us. It feels wrong at times, but I don’t want to get a lower score when I can easily produce the perfect paper.”

“Damn, look at you Jade, working the system like a fucking pro,” Dave extended his arm over the table to offer his fist. Jade bumped it with her own, a modest smile on her face. “Nice.”

“You have to do what you have to do,” she shrugged, taking out a sandwich from her lunchbag. “Anyway, why did you want to talk to us?”

“Yeah, Dave,” John immediately interceded. He hadn’t even touched his own homemade lunch his dad always packed for him. “You acted all coy and mysterious and then proceeded to text for several minutes without ever telling us anything. What’s so important that we have to wait for Rose and Karkat?”

To tell the truth, Dave hadn’t expected John to be so curious about his secret. Now it was starting to get on his nerves. It almost looked like if he already knew what he was about to say and was only waiting for confirmation.

But despite John’s eagerness, Dave wasn’t in a rush. He had been taking his sweet time delivering the news because he was secretly hoping Karkat would get there in time. Nothing assured him that making the announcement with him would be any less uncomfortable, but at least he would have a hand to hold and crush under the table if things got too weird and he felt like bailing.

“Well, luckily for your impatient ass, we don’t have to wait for Karkat anymore.” He used his fork to move the salad around, scavenging for something appetizing. His expression turned pensive. “Actually, Rose already knows so, fuck it. I’ll just tell you now.”

On a second thought, maybe it was better if they just got it over with anyway. Also, he was starting to think that Rose had actively chosen not to show up for lunch that day. Almost as if she was able to feel sympathy, and wanted to make things easier for him.

“Why does Rose already know??” John complained, without missing a beat.

“John, do you want me to tell you about this hot gossip even your Nanna would kill to know, or are you going to keep being a pissbaby about it?” John sent a reproachful stare, but smartly decided not to say anything else. Dave pointed a finger at him in approval. “That’s what I thought. But honestly, it might not even be news to you either…”

“Oh my god, is it official?” Jade was suddenly staring at him with big eyes, her bitten sandwich now slipping from her hands. Dave’s expression was somehow enough for her to piece it all together. She dropped the sandwich. “Oh my god! It’s official now, isn’t it? You guys!! I’m so so so happy for you!”

Dave took a second to analyze that reaction before he could understand it, and then tried to respond.

“Wait, you really knew?” he inquired without hiding his bewilderment. “I didn’t think we were being that ob-”

But then his words stopped abruptly. His sixth sense had found an anomaly.

It couldn’t be. Jade couldn’t possibly have that much information without any insight. And since Dave wanted to believe Rose would never break her vow of silence, he was left with only one possible suspect. The dots basically connected themselves.

He left the fork on the tray and crossed his arms. “Karkat told you, didn’t he?”

Jade looked like if she was trying not to jump from her seat. She had turned her hands into fists, keeping them close to her face, and she was shaking them with excitement. Of course he had told her.

“It was after the town’s fair,” she confessed with a hint of a ‘sorry’ that was hard to hear over her contained happiness. Dave let his head hang briefly and sighed. “It was my fault, I swear! I asked him if something had happened, and he kiiinda spilled the beans.”

Dave raised his head again, only to find a guilty and smiley Jade Harley before him. “Judging by your enthusiasm, I’d say he spilled, picked up, fried, and then served those beans to you in a hot spicy burrito.”

Jade giggled, making Dave smile inevitably. He had also (uselessly) confessed before the deadline after all. He couldn’t really blame Karkat for doing the same. It was already hard to keep a secret that made both of them so happy on the first place, and lying was not an option once Jade’s relentless curiosity was unleashed.

In a way, he was glad Karkat had shared the secret with someone else too.

“... Okay, so. I have questions,” John suddenly said, reminding them he was still sitting at the table with them. Dave’s heart suddenly attempted to jump out of his ribcage, as if John had bashed into the cafeteria with a tommygun. He was looking confused and a little annoyed, but also like if he was slowly finding the common topic in their recent exchanges. “Did I miss something? Because -and correct me if I’m wrong-, you’re making it sound like if Dave and Karkat were dating now.”

There was no way Dave could reply to that immediately. Not only because he wasn’t expecting him to be so confused about it at this point, but also because looking at him in the eye while hearing him say those words was the most bizarre thing.

It’s not everyday you get to hear your first soul-burning crush discovering out loud that you are in a romantic relationship with a mutual friend.

“Uh, yeah." Dave finally said, just a second before the silence turned awkward. "I guess you could say that’s the bottom line.”

“Wait, what??” John croaked in disbelief. Dave felt the need to look around, secretly hoping either Karkat or Rose would show up and take the conversation from there.

“John, are you seriously that shocked?” Jade couldn’t help herself, and Dave almost sighed in relief. She was frowning a little. “Karkat might have told me, but it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it! How could you not be aware of it? This had a loooong time coming!”

“Really?” Dave and John said at the same time. Jade was speechless for a moment.

“Oh my god. Dave, not you too," she exhaled loudly. "Can’t you guys just have a little common sense? It was so obvious from the beginning!"

"You say that now, but you had no idea Tavros liked you until _we_ told you," Dave deflected with resolve. He didn’t even notice when Jade’s eyes shifted and focused on the table. "And he was sooo obvious, like, painfully so. Dude couldn’t even open his trap in front of you. Right, John?"

He turned to him, looking for support, but all he found was John’s least discrete ‘cut it out’ signal. He had his eyes wide open, his mouth crooked into an uncomfortable gesture, and he was moving his hand from side to side like if he wanted to saw off his neck.

Confused, Dave looked at Jade again. She had picked up her sandwich, and was now staring at it like if it had insulted her greatly and she was still trying to think of an appropriate comeback.

"Oh shit," Dave mumbled to himself. "Did something happen?”

"I don’t want to talk about it," Jade stated with conviction, then resumed her sandwich-eating like if it required her absolute attention.

"Gotcha," he glaced at John’s apologetic shrug, but didn’t feel any better. He didn’t really have an opinion on Tavros, but if Jade was chewing so angrily because of him, then he was sure that the guy had crossed a pretty fine line. "Just gotta double check tho… you don’t wanna talk about it as in, ‘it’s stupid and i don’t care’, or more like, ‘I fucking hate that bull-horned asshole and I want someone to wedgy him off his sandals’?

“Yeah, we could totally do that,” John agreed with what Dave thought was an unusual level of willingness in his voice.

“John, stay away from Tavros,” but despite her serious warning, Jade’s smile eventually broke through. “It’s very sweet of you guys to offer, but I’m fine. I’m just a little angry that he couldn’t stop acting like a little kid about… some stuff. Also, I don’t want to change the topic, we should focus on Dave’s announcement!” she added trying to change her expression to a more positive one.

“Oh, the announcement is done,” Dave shrugged. “I let the cat out of the bag already. Since y’all seem to be cool with the whole thing, I say that’s all there is to it.”

“We’re cool with it yeah, but I still can’t believe you guys told Rose and Jade before me…”

“John,” Dave looked at him dead in the eye, letting his shades slide down the bridge of his nose a bit. “Please direct all protests, accusations, and whining to my complaint box, conveniently placed deep inside some woods in Albany. Now, concentrate,” he snapped his fingers to make sure he still had his attention. “We got a new situation going on here, remember? Your cousin and best friend Jade is angry at her shitty boyfriend.”

“Ex-boyfriend,” Jade clarified much to Dave’s surprise, although John seemed unphased. “He got on my nerves and I told him we should see other people.”

“What?? When did this happen? How did I not know this??” Dave caught on the look John was sending him from the corner of his eye. “Don’t you even, Egbert. This is  completely fucking different.”

“Oh, is it now, Dave?”

“Well, it happened only a few days ago,” Jade explained, apparently unaffected by the sharp glares John kept harpooning Dave with. “I just didn’t tell you because I was under the impression that you were…” she made a short pause before finishing her sentence with a coy smile. “Busy.”

“...Oh. Okay.” Jade was still smiling. Dave felt a little embarrassed all of a sudden, and his ears started heating up. He decided to ignore his salad for the moment, and picked up the hamburger on his tray just so he could have something to do. Changing the topic was also a top priority. “And uhm… why did he get on your nerves, again?”

He was having a hard time guessing what the guy could have done in order to make Jade so angry, because Tavros Nitram was a doormat kind of boyfriend. Even if he had turned a bit more confident in the past two years since he and Jade started dating, he still made sure to agree with everything his girlfriend had to say.

“Um… well, he got really paranoid at some point…” Dave caught the moment when she looked at John, like if she was consulting if it was a good idea to keep going. John shrugged in response, but in a way that said ‘yeah sure, why not?’. Jade looked back at Dave, hesitantly. “He was jealous of my friends, but mostly of you.”

Dave had already taken a big bite from his hamburger, so he was unable to let go the high-pitched, mildly-outraged ‘Me??’ that such information deserved. Instead, he just pointed at himself while wearing a confused frown.

“Yeah, I think it’s because we hang out more now. Remember like a year ago, our group kind of… went different ways for a while,” Now Jade seemed to be the one getting embarrassed. She was looking at the table again. “Let’s say Tavros never had a great opinion of you on the first place, but now that we hang out so much again he started to point it out constantly.”

Dave managed to swallow just in time to reply. “Point what out??”

That came as a surprise. Not just because he thought of himself as a fucking delight, but also because, as far as he was concerned, Tavros had never shown signs of disliking him. Not in front of him at least.

Jade shifted uncomfortably on the bench. “That you… um. I don’t now. He knows you hang out with Rufioh, and he thinks most of his friends aren’t good news. He liked to mention that you go to bars and clubs with them, despite you aren’t even legal yet.”

“Oh, and does he know his bro is the one who gets drinks for Rose and me?”

He couldn’t help the venomous tone. Now he knew what his opinion of Tavros was. He couldn’t even believe that someone as petty and (clearly) insecure as him could be related to Rufioh.

“I don’t think so,” Jade admitted. “He seems to think you are not a good guy. He’s mentioned that you’re violent, and that I shouldn’t hang out with the likes of you.”

Dave blinked a couple times, unsure if he had heard that right.

Violent?? Him?? He couldn’t believe Jade’s ex-boyfriend was talking shit about him like that. He was the chillest dude ever. Definitely not the kind of person who likes to start shit. Actually, he was the absolute opposite of a Shit Starter. A Shit Avoider, for sure.

“Why would he think something so dumb??”

“Maybe because you tried to start a fight with his friend Makara over rapping abilities at one of Jade’s parties,” John suggested with a casual tone Dave found extremely irritating. He had been busy eating in silence until that point, but apparently he was unable to bite back his tongue for that one. “Or maybe he hasn’t forgotten you kicked Jake at Roxy’s beach thing, and that we had to hold you back.”

“...Right.” Dave had to admit he tended to forget those two specific events on purpose, so he wasn’t expecting Tavros or John to remember them either. “When you put it that way, I guess he’s not entirely wrong then.”

“Maybe not,” Jade shrugged. She had almost finished her sandwich and was now trying to open her thermos. “But he didn’t flip out until I mentioned the first grade thing. I think that really comes to show what his actual concern was.”

“Oh my god, you remember??” Dave exclaimed, taken by surprise. He always assumed Jade had no recollection of that year, or that she had chosen to never talk about it for some reason. In a way, it was a relief to hear her acknowledge it out loud. “Wait, did he seriously get angry because we kissed and then dated for like three days?”

“Yep, it seems like it.” Her bitter tone contrasted her smile.

“Jesus fucking Christmas, are you for real?” Now Dave could understand her frustration on the matter almost perfectly. He wanted to dump Tavros too and he wasn’t even dating him. “Dude, I told Karkat and he thought it was fucking adorable!”

“Right?? It’s a cute story! Why does it bother him so much?”

Suddenly, John stood up, grabbing their attention and interrupting any other comment that could’ve been about to be made.

“You guys dated too???” he blurted out with a face that was a mix of surprise and betrayal. Only then Dave realized they had never told him. “Are you being fucking serious? What is happening today with all these secrets!”

“John, calm down,” Jade asked him with a diplomatic tone. She put a hand on his forearm, in hopes that would be enough to make him sit down again. “That was a long time ago, and we were too young to take it seriously. You hadn’t even enrolled in our elementary when it happened!”

But despite the careful explanation, John still looked distraught.

“But how come you never even mentioned it?” he inquired with a hurtful voice. “Have you always been hiding stuff like this from me? Have all of my friends hooked up and just never told me???”

“Dude, no one is hiding anything from you, calm the fuck down already,” Dave sighed with fabricated exasperation, while also making the mental note of never telling him about Rose and him.

“Yes, John. What’s gotten into you? Everything seems to be upsetting you today.”

There was a short silence. Jade’s words seemed to click with John somehow. Now he looked like if he was trying to reason with himself in his head, as he stared down at his feet without saying a word. Dave and Jade exchanged worried glances.

“Sorry, I just…” John looked up, but when he saw the expression on their faces he went quiet again. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry for that, I’ve been on edge all week.” His eyes focused on his unfinished food for a moment. “I… think I’m gonna go.”

There was something about the way he said it that struck Dave as familiar. It reminded him of the times he, feeling blue or too heartbroken about some event involving John, locked himself in his bedroom and avoided his brothers just to make sure they wouldn’t accidentally discover the truth behind his thoughtful silences.

He assumed that, at least for now, it was better to give John some room to breathe, for whatever reason he had to. It wasn’t like if he was going to tell them right then anyway. They could try to dig up the truth later, but this was clearly not the right moment for it.

Jade, on the other hand, was still too worried to just let it go.

“Go where??” she asked as she watched John put his food away.

“Um… to class?” his eyes were set exclusively on his actions, but his mind seemed to be somewhere else. “I don’t want to be late again.” And without another word or attempt to give a better explanation, he grabbed his bag and left, crossing the room full of tables and people on his way to the main doors.

Dave watched him disappear through the entrance, then directed his attention to his pending hamburger, and continued eating without further comments.

Jade took a look at her phone and sighed sadly.

“But we still have twenty minutes before classes start,” she told Dave, who didn’t need that information to guess John was making stuff up just to get away from them. He used to do that all the time too. “Why is he being like this?”

 

“Don’t know,” he admitted as he nailed a straw into his juicebox. “But I’m gonna figure it out, don’t worry.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gassps what is this  
>  could it be  
>  PLOT???  
>  who knows really
> 
> My personal highlights:  
>  -Rose and Dave's convo  
>  -Karkat and Dave's convo (i hate coding the fonts with passion but i have so much fun writing them not to include them)  
>  -John is a literal child  
>  -Jade  
> 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for your comments OmegaAdmin (LowlyMishaMinion), screamingHeartthrob, VampireTrickster, Zombelo, Shinime, hedgeblog, Sol1t41r3, artisticDepression <3 They never fail to make me smile lol.
> 
> I had a lot of work and school stuff to do in these past weeks but I think I should be able to write more this week. Hopefully I'll see you way sooner next time. Also, I had so little free time that instead of writing I just started editing recent chapters, so if you ever read again and notice some minor differences that's why (mostly typos and wording, nothing big). 
> 
> Anyway, have a nice day!
> 
> xo.Ro.
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*


	18. Calibrator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some very needed pep-talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is officially the longest I've been without updating. I apologize (as usual), but extra work + school + finals couldn't have chosen a worst time to pile up. I tried to write as much as I could and I just drove myself crazy so I took a whole week and a half break so I could get my shit together and try to go back to the story with fresh-ish perspective.
> 
> I think it worked. 
> 
> I hope you like it. Please let me know?

**Chapter 18**

_"Calibrator"_

 

 

Dave had trouble concentrating during the rest of his classes that day.

 

In truth, it wasn’t particularly difficult for him to get distracted on the first place, but analyzing John’s reaction to his (not-that-shocking) secrets definitely felt more important than Biology 2.

 

Jade and Rose had seen the romantic-involvement potential in his and Karkat’s friendship since god-knows-when, and yet, his number one childhood buddy (who could list every birthday gift Dave had ever given him and had basically lived with the Striders for almost a whole summer in 7th grade) received the news with shock and then proceeded to complain about not being informed sooner, rather than saying something about the new relationship in question.

 

As if that hadn’t been enough, upon discovering Dave and Jade’s innocent short-lived playground romance, he made a scene, felt embarrassed, and left. Like a plot-device in a bad romcom.

 

But the most unusual thing was that after that event, John didn’t even try to explain himself, nor attempted to talk to Dave about it. Actually, throughout their last couple classes together, he sat away from him and remained quiet. His eyes were absent, and thoughtful.

 

This was not the first time John acted a little weird without an obvious reason. It was just the first time he acted _that_ weird.

 

While Mr. Zahhak went on and on about some important dates for lab practice, Dave started to recall other strange patterns on John’s behavior in the past few months; like him arriving late to most of their friend reunions —something he never used to do before—, and the fact that he didn’t seem to be getting enough sleep, but always shrugged it off if someone pointed it out.

 

Dave figured that if he wanted to have a serious pep talk with his good ol’ bro, it was best to wait for the end of the day, when he could find him alone and sneak up to him.

 

Cornering and interrogating a friend wasn’t precisely on his Top Ten favorite things to do, but he already knew that a direct approach would be futile: He was familiar enough both with John’s stubborn personality and the art of Being Cagey.

 

______

 

    After classes were over, Dave’s feet dragged him outside the building at a slow rhythm.

 

He felt like in a trance, his bag barely hanging from one shoulder and his hands shoved inside his hoodie’s pocket.

 

Thanks to his carelessness at the time of choosing advanced classes, he had condemned himself to soporific solitude once a week. He was the only one of his group of friends naive enough to take Calculus, thinking it wouldn’t be terrible because he wasn’t that bad at numbers.

 

Now, a good portion of his brain was fried, and his soul was filled with regret... but at least he was finally free, and ready for the chase.

 

As he stepped outside, he found out his John Radar was still in pretty good condition. Before he even reached the last steps of the main entrance, he had located his prey from afar.

 

John was sitting on the sidewalk without any company other than his backpack, looking around for someone or something. He had probably eluded Rose and Jade successfully, and was now hoping to get out of there as soon as possible.

 

Dave’s tiredness faded a bit. He felt somewhat more confident by that sight.

 

“Hey dude,” he greeted as he walked up to him. There were still plenty of students in the school grounds, but no one was close enough to hear them. He wanted to think that was sufficient privacy for the matter in hand.

 

John took a moment to turn his head, almost as if he was hoping to hear someone else respond to that greeting. Or maybe just to stall a few seconds and think what to say.

 

“Oh, hi Dave,” He gave in, looking up to him only for a moment. His eyes swept their surroundings once more, not hiding his defeated expression at the end. “I’m waiting for my dad,” he explained unprompted. “He’s picking up Jane first and then we’re making some pastries together for Roxy’s send off.”

 

“Sweet. I bet she’s gonna love that. Mind if I join you while you wait?”

 

“Aren’t you going home?”

 

John had always been so bad at lying, or trying to be subtle. His act was starting to fall apart and it was getting ridiculous. It just made Dave want to know what the fuck was up even more.

 

“I’m gonna grab some coffee with Karkat, so I gotta wait for him,” he said without a sign of hurry, instinctively looking over his shoulder. Once he confirmed Karkat hadn’t come out yet, he sat down next to John. “Shouldn’t be too long.”

 

“Oh… is he still at the Principal’s Office?”

 

“... yeah.”

 

Karkat hadn’t come back from Mrs. Handmaid’s office, missing lunch break and the rest of his classes completely. Dave was already sure of the reason, but only confirmed it when Karkat texted him an hour after lunch was over.

 

MY REBELLIOUS SPIRIT MIGHT HAVE SOMEHOW COME BACK TO BITE ME IN THE HIND-QUARTERS.

SORRY I KEPT YOU WAITING. I’LL SEE YOU AFTER SCHOOL.

 

“Looks like they couldn’t reach his dad all day,” Dave informed, going through the last few messages on his phone. “Suckers didn’t count on Mister Vantas’s busy traveling schedule. They’re gonna have to let Karkat go in like, five.” He had a hard time holding back a smile as he talked.

 

If he had said he didn’t love every second of Karkat defying authority, he would’ve been lying. Big fucking time. It was probably the only ‘bad thing’ he would ever do consciously, but he was very good at it. And perhaps it was not mature of Dave to praise such behavior, but it was a little difficult not to feel proud. It was a good reminder that his boyfriend didn’t take any shit from anyone.

 

“Man, I still don’t get why Karkat can’t stop picking fights with Mrs. Handmaid,” John said shaking his head in disapproval. His body had relaxed at the unexpected topic, and there was amusement in his voice. “I knew he would end up in trouble for pushing too hard.”

 

“It’s not a big deal, really,” Dave assured, detecting and reading John’s body language like the Professional Johnologyst he was. He shrugged a little and clicked his tongue. “Honestly, they make such a fuss about detention just to scare good students.”

 

“Yeah, I guess,” he bobbed his head in agreement. “But I have to say, I can’t believe that he yelled at a teacher, and somehow they thought the best punishment was to make him miss classes until they could talk to his dad.” His eyebrows arched with skepticism. “I mean, it would’ve been way worse to send him back to class! Doing nothing in the Principal’s office sounds like a great time compared to going through Lab safety measures all over again.”

 

“Right? Their reasoning is so idiotic it just makes _you_ feel idiotic thinking about it. They just wasted everyone’s goddamn time for nothing,” Dave shook his head. “I guess the moral of the story is: Don’t give Karkat Vantas two consecutive C’s on the same paper unless you wanna spend your whole day trying to call his dad.”

 

“I think that’s too specific to be a real moral,” John chuckled. Dave saw teeth through his smile and felt victorious. That was his signal.

 

“Gotta keep it real,” he shrugged, looking back at the school once more and then at the road. He wanted to make sure no immediate interruption was bound to happen. “By the way, the next question might come off as bit of a table-turner to ya, but… can I ask what the hell happened today?”

 

No more tiptoeing around important shit.

 

John’s smile disappeared slowly. There was an eerie silence in which Dave held his gaze with his best poker face on, but he knew the war was already won.

 

John’s shoulders dropped. His hands must’ve felt heavy and clumsy, because he tied them together and sank them between his legs, like if he didn’t want to see them.

 

“God, I’m really sorry about that,” he said softly. The embarrassment reflected on his face. His mouth twisted to the side. “I acted like such a jerk...”

 

Dave squeezed a sympathetic smirk before replying.

 

It was like if they were fifteen again and John was admitting he had cheated on his Math’s final. _That_ was his John, undoubtedly. Not Vriska’s boyfriend, and not whatever amalgamation of its remains that had lingered for the past few months. That one, with the guilty look in his eyes and the nervous hand-knot, too honest and too nice to fake innocence.

 

“Dude,” more than a way to refer to him, he said it like a statement. “I’m not sayin’ that just cuz you stormed out like a soap opera lover who just misunderstood a conversation and didn’t stop to ask for the deets. You’ve been acting really fucking weird for a while now.”

 

“I know,” he said in the middle of an exhalation. Dave was pleasantly surprised by that response. “I was hoping you couldn’t tell, but I guess I was a fool to think so.”

 

“Damn straight. No bigger fool has ever trotted these lands so pompously before.”

 

The comment made John smile against his will. Dave was grateful he wasn’t resisting the topic. It looked like he had given it a lot of thought in the past few hours too.

 

“But seriously man, you okay?” He knew John was still gathering his ideas, but he assumed he could help him get started. “You’re kinda worrying me here.”

 

“I’m fine.” He nodded once. “I just...” but whatever he wanted to say, his brain seemed to give up on it halfway through. “I got a lot of stuff on my mind, man.”

 

“Stuff.”

 

“Yeah, stuff,” he repeated, this time with more conviction. “You know, like… about life and such. Growing up and all those things that get scary really fast.”

 

“Can relate, still fail to see why it causes you Lunchbreak meltdowns.”

 

Dave was pretending to be relaxed and a bit distracted by the cars and people passing by, but all of his real attention was still locked on John’s reactions. He saw him purse his lips for a second, right before he talked again.

 

“That was… bad timing. I’m sorry,” he admitted, raising his shoulders for a second as a sign of defeat. “I learned something upsetting a couple days ago, and I guess it got me a little sensitive when it comes to secrecy.”

 

“Oh. Should I ask?”

 

But he already knew the answer to that.

 

“It’s not really that important,” John shrugged, as Dave had guessed he would. “But I think it just piled up with everything else.”

 

Dave raised an eyebrow almost unconsciously. "You mean, ‘the stuff’?”

 

“Yeah, I...” he went quiet for a second, like if he was trying to find the right words. “I’m going to tell you, but don’t laugh at me, okay? I… kind of feel like this whole ‘Graduating High School’ thing is slowly getting to me. Like everything has been unnecessarily chaotic and dramatic in these past few months, and I don’t understand what the fuck I’m doing half of the time."

 

“Like everything feels hella intense and like a huge deal, but you know it’s actually fucking dumb and that it wouldn’t have phased you years ago?” Dave inquired, and as he talked, John just nodded more and more fervently, going ‘yeah, yeah!’ like if he was reading his mind.

 

"Is it just me?" He asked with a troubled expression. "It can’t be just me, right?”

 

“Nah, I hear ya. It’s the hormones, man.”

 

“Just the hormones?” John repeated in a worried tone. “Are you sure about that?”

 

“Well, dunno. Maybe we also got stupider.”

 

“That could be...”

 

A faint smile took over his lips.

 

Dave was still trying to process the recent information.

 

On one hand, he felt better knowing John was aboard the _S.S. Help Me I Can’t Stop Aging?_ with him, but on the other hand, he hadn’t expected to hear that from John of all people. As far as Dave knew, John had good grades, a great relationship with his family, and he had broken up with his own girlfriend ‘on friendly terms’. None of it matched Dave’s idea of a teenage wreck.

 

“I just feel like I used to have more control over my actions, you know?” John said all of a sudden. Maybe he could tell Dave was a bit intrigued by his confession. “I’m so angry all the time,” his smile was starting to disappear, as if he was listening to the echo of his own words. “Like, all the fucking time. I’ve gotten into arguments with my dad for no reason, and even snapped at Jane once for taking things from my room.”

 

Well that was new. Maybe Johnland wasn’t as peaceful and quiet as it used to.

 

Dave gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. He still remembered being shocked when Dirk started picking fights with Bro over breakfast as soon as he hit sixteen... and he couldn’t pretend not to have started shit with both of his brothers over the tiniest things in the past few years.

 

He was convinced it couldn’t be just him and John.

 

“I’m telling you man, them’s the hormones.”

 

“I don’t know. I’m starting to think I am the problem.”

 

Dave was taken aback by that tone of voice. It was somber, with a hint of sadness he hadn’t seen coming at all. He turned to look at John, the surprise on his face plain to see even behind the shades.

 

John looked like if he was remembering something. His eyes had turned darker under their heavy lids, and his hands were holding onto his knees. When he talked again, his voice was barely a murmur.

 

“Dave… do you think I’m a bad friend?”

 

“What?”

 

He took a second to realize that was a legit question. John didn’t say anything else, and just kept looking down in silence, waiting for the response as if it was a verdict.

 

Dave didn’t even know what to think. The mood was cooling down at an alarming speed.

 

He tried to stay positive. Maybe it was fixable.

 

He nudged John a little.

 

“Of course not, dude. What are you even sayin’?”

 

“I don’t think I’m really good at being a friend,” John mumbled, now visibly uncomfortable. “Or at having friends for that matter.”

 

“Why would you think something so dumb?” Dave asked, but making sure to use the most gentle tone in his repertoire to avoid sounding judgemental. "It’s clearly not true, hence why I’m sitting with you on the sidewalk like teen runaways with nowhere to go."

 

“Dave, I was such an asshole to you today just because I took things personal,” John sighed bitterly, so bitterly Dave decided to keep the rest of his teen runaways metaphor to himself.

 

He felt his heart sinking a little. The timid 15-year-old John was gone again. He had vanished right in front of him, leaving behind a 17-year old with the hardened expression of someone much older.

 

“You know what I realized today?” he said, clearly hoping Dave would just give up on defending him and accepted his terribleness. His eyes were still nailed on his knees, but his hands were tied into a knot over his lap. “Last year, you and Karkat stopped talking to each other at some point... and despite I thought it was weird, I never tried too hard to figure out what happened.”

 

“There wasn’t much to figure out,” Dave dared to intervene with a little shrug. “We got sick of each other. Well, more like, he got sick of my shit. Nothing to be shocked about.”

 

“But it was completely out of the blue,” he insisted. Dave had to bite his tongue. He couldn’t tell him the real reason anyway. “And what did I do when I discovered my two best friends weren’t talking anymore? I just asked. That was it. You both told me it was fine, and I don’t think I ever fully believed it, but I took it anyway.”

 

After hearing that, Dave couldn’t help realizing there was some truth behind it.

 

He had actually never noticed John’s minimum involvement on their fall-out, while ironically being the main reason Karkat had gotten tired of him. He definitely remembered Jade and Rose insisting that he and Karkat should make amends, but now he was also remembering John was particularly absent from that period of his life.

 

Not like he didn’t know why.

 

“Hey man, it’s fine. Seriously,” Dave reassured him with a voice that tried to sound carefree. But John was still frowning, disheartened. “You were busy doing your thing. We cannot expect you to be watching every play-by-play show of our bullshit drama. You have a life of your own.”

 

That wasn’t a lie. And he didn’t hold it against him.

 

“I know but…” John’s hand was doing that thing where it rubbed his shoulder slowly, but hard enough for it to be audible. His voice got a bit mellow. “When I learned I was the last one of our friends to find out the two of you were together, it made me wonder if my friends didn’t tell me stuff like that because they knew I never listened. Or maybe because they didn’t think I would care.”

 

Dave didn’t even open his mouth. They had reached the core, the real thoughts behind John’s actions that day, and suddenly all of it was falling into place in a way he hadn’t expected.

 

He recalled John all quiet and somber during their last classes, and it clicked.

 

He felt bad in a way hard to describe. He never expected that keeping a couple of innocent secrets from John could make him overthink that much.

 

“At first I was angry that I didn’t hear it from you way earlier,” John admitted with certain embarrassment in his voice. “But then I realized... I was the only one who didn’t notice it was happening anyway. Jade and Rose already knew before you told them, but I was clueless. So I just thought, well, that’s what I get for being so selfish all the time, for not being there when I should have. My friends are right not to trust me with their private lives.”

 

Other person would have probably thought that John was being melodramatic and over-the-top because of how little was needed for him to reach that conclusion, but Dave was not that other person. He was (still) his best friend. And also the King of Personal Turmoil himself. Everything John had said made perfect sense to him.

 

“I getcha,” he nodded firmly. John didn’t even move, but the grip on his fists relaxed at that simple gesture of acknowledgement. “But really, you gotta understand it was never personal, man. Karkat and I… well, we ain’t the best at this whole dating business. Actually, if dating was a business we would’ve been bankrupt from the very beginning of our teenage lives, so you can imagine how much we were shitting ourselves about this.”

 

“I guess so…”

 

“It took off a lot of pressure to try dating in secret, at least until we were sure,” he continued, uselessly trying to lock gazes with him. "If I told you today it was because we think it’s gonna work out. Like, we already put up the first branch, got some feedback from customers, and the product is doing a-ok in the market. Rose and Jade were like our individual beta testers, but I can assure you we weren’t leaving you out of the loop on purpose." John finally turned his head enough for their eyes to meet. His fingers were fidgeting with the fabric of his jeans. "Your opinion is very important to us, please check us out on Yelp at your earliest convenience.”

 

John kept quiet, but his new smile spoke volumes.

 

Dave felt immediately relieved. It was liberating to say and hear all of that out loud. The storm was gone and the sun was coming out. He could see the deep blue sky reflected on those eyes.

 

“I’ll give it a five out of five,” John said raising his fist a little. Dave bumped it without hesitation, and John’s smile widen. “Thank you… and I’m sorry that I was so annoying today. I was so caught up on my own shit that I didn’t even say anything nice about you and Karkat getting together!”

 

Dave almost recoiled at the thought. His face started feeling hot immediately.

 

“Eh, it’s fine. You just gave us a five outta five rating.”

 

“You know? I think I hadn’t even registered what it meant,” John kept going without hearing him, much to Dave’s dismay. He looked surprised by his own realizations as he talked. “But now that I had some time to think about it, I get what Jade meant.” He slapped his thighs at the same time, like if he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it before. “It makes so much sense that you ended up together! And it’s great! I mean, a little weird,” he admitted while tilting his head to the side. Dave nodded sympathetically. “But if you and Karkat are so sure of it, then fuck, who cares. Go crazy. Make out and have babies and all that.”

 

“Ew, dude.”

 

“Sorry... too far, huh?”

 

John was trying not to laugh now. Dave felt happy, and also a bit flustered. Not only because of the embarrassing shit John could spout sometimes, but also by the way he was finally looking at him. He had forgotten that shine in his eyes that made the whole universe stop when he smiled like that. He hadn’t seen it in a very long time.

 

But then, those mighty blues moved inside their sockets towards something.

 

“Speaking of the devil.”

 

“Well that’s just fucking mean,” Karkat’s voice huffed behind them.

 

Dave turned around, his heart almost collapsing at the successful ambush he had been a victim of. Karkat had just reached them, his courier bag hanging from his shoulder and a heavy frown weighting over his eyes, looking down at them as they remained sitting on the sidewalk. The crowds were gone, and only a few students had stuck around the school grounds. Neither John nor Dave noticed how fast time had gone by.

 

“John, have you actually stopped to think of how offensive that saying is when you talk about trolls?” Karkat said as he sat down next to Dave. “Don’t answer that, of course you haven’t. You projectile-vomit whatever dull-witted drivel your thinkpan can get a hang on. You have NO right to compare my whole species to the devil just because we have horns,” he sent John a vicious stare and then focused his attention on Dave. His features softened a bit. “Hey, sorry I’m late.”

 

“Hey…” was all Dave could really say.

 

He had spent so much time alone with Karkat in recent days that now he needed to use all of his self-control not to do something compromising in front of John. He wasn’t sure how comfortable their friends were with pda but he was certainly not a fan.

 

“I wasn’t talking about your species, Karkat. I was talking about you exclusively,” John grinned at him, knowing to be safe with Dave in the middle of them. His good mood was definitely back. “Although it’s ironic because your horns aren’t nearly as sharp as the devil’s, and I’m pretty sure he’s gotta be taller too.”

 

“You seem to be oddly familiar with Satan, John,” Karkat mentioned raising his eyebrows a bit. “Did you get this close and personal with him while he sodomized you in exchange of your putrid worthless soul?”

 

“Um… Karkat, I’m preeeetty sure the whole point of making a pact with the devil is getting something you want and paying with your soul, not-”

 

“I know what I fucking said, you imbecile.”

 

    “Oh, okay…” when he saw Karkat roll his eyes at him, he took a defensive stand. “Well I thought you had gotten it mixed up, gee! You do that all the time, dude!”

 

    While the ridiculous conversation unfolded by itself, Dave crossed his arms in utter silence. He was watching the two of them bicker at each other like if it was a tennis match, moving his head from one side to another to keep score.

 

This time there was no hiding his smile. Having the two people he cared about the most arguing like that was the most amusing thing in the world to him, no questions asked, but it was also a relief seeing that their friendship hadn’t been affected by his and Karkat’s new relationship. His final concern, dissipating before his very eyes.

 

“Hey K, how did it go with Mrs. Handmaid?” Dave dared to intervene right when the discussion had turned into a fight based solely on who could display their middle fingers more aggressively.

 

“Oh, that’s right!” John exclaimed with genuine interest, slowly dropping his hands on his lap again. “Are you in trouble?”

 

“Not for now,” Karkat said making a face of discomfort. “But I guess I’ll know for sure tomorrow. Not like she can do anything I could give the slightest shit about at this point. Detention has proven to be as interesting as a dead horse on the side of the road, but definitely not the end of the world.”

 

“Sucks that you had to spend half of the first day back in school locked in the Principal’s Office tho,” Dave mentioned, and Karkat smiled so faintly that a bypasser wouldn’t be able to tell. The two of them knew what that sentence really meant.

 

“You better be careful though, I don’t think Mrs. Handmaid will be so calm next time you go berserk on her,” John chuckled. “I hope I’m there when it happens in case she calls the cops on you. It’d be rad to see police cars parked outside the school with the sirens and everything.”

 

“Oh shit, I hope they bring a megaphone,” Dave gasped. He pretended to put an invisible radio to his mouth and turned to Karkat. “Kkkg- You are surrounded Vantas. Put the pencil down. It’s not worth it, man. We are like totally gonna kick your ass.”

 

Karkat squinted his eyes in their direction.

 

“If you are so eager to see some ass-kicking, I’ll be glad to provide my services to both of your buttocks right the fuck now.”

 

Dave and John kept quiet for a whole second before John cracked up. His laugh made Dave snicker, and Karkat’s murderous look didn’t stand a chance against them. His own smile broke through.

 

“Stop laughing, you idiots!”

 

That command achieved the opposite of its intention. Dave let Karkat shove him against John as a little vendetta, and then addressed him an apologetic smile. Karkat suppressed his own smirk as much as it was physically possible, and shook his head to show disapproval. But instead of yelling at them or flipping off John again, his hands just clung onto Dave’s arm discreetly.

 

Dave was completely sure his heart had just caused him an internal three-degree burn.

 

He was so fucking happy.

 

The last few years had been nothing but useless drama. Drama about loving John, drama about John loving someone else, drama about Karkat being tired of his John-Drama, drama about self-inflicted isolation, drama about having feelings for Karkat...

 

But all of that was over. Finally.

 

He had made a choice, and now he knew it had been the right one. It was like if he was walking on fucking sunshine, taking the world by storm. All of those "victory-lap soundtrack" type of feelings.

 

For once, everything had worked out just fine.

 

He had John, as he always did. And now he had Karkat, how he always needed.

 

They were going to be okay.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, just in case anyone is disappointed that this didn't end on John-jealousy-Drama, I'd like to remind you that I stated from the beginning that this story wouldn't be a love triangle B) And I swear I didn't end the last chapter like that just to make you think otherwise. I just legit couldn't keep writing and just posted it "unfinished" because as you can see, the follow up was super fucking long.
> 
> I am a big fan of important (healthy) relationships and real-talk in fiction.
> 
> And yes it seems like John wasn't 1000% honest, but we'll see more about that later. For now, let's enjoy all of the domestic af Davekat that's about to rain on here. I promise it won't take me a whole month to come back. 
> 
> ****
> 
> **Thank you to:**  
>  **hexaS**  
>  **Sol1t41r3**  
>  **pobreciti**  
>  **screamingHeartthrob**  
>  **mimi_the_kawaii_castiel_lover**  
>  **MinightRose**  
>  <3  
>  ___  
>   
> 
> ********** **
> 
> I am changing a lot of things about the way the story develops and it makes me a bit nervous because I don't want to lock myself into a 50 chapter fic, but the original plot still stands and I am really enjoying exploring the way Dave's perception and relationships evolve with him. 
> 
> ********** **
> 
> Hopefully you are enjoying it too (so call me, maybe)
> 
> ********** **
> 
> See ya!
> 
> ********** **
> 
> xo.Ro.
> 
> ********** **
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> ********** **


	19. Staggering Lover-Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing but sugar, spice, and everything nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I give up, it's gonna bother my OCD forever not having exactly 30 chapters for this story, but fuck it. This one had way too many scenarios and it felt too overwhelming to post all of it at once so, I'll let it be what it has to be. You get a "normal" chapter instead of a long one, but I promise you'll savour it better this way.
> 
> Please enjoy this extra sugary chap with extra nutella and honey and chocholate sprinkles on top. 
> 
> Also we got a song again, at the end of the chapter. Highly recommend it for when you finish reading.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 19**

_"Staggering Lover-Boy"_

 

January went by in the blink of an eye.

 

Things were changing, while also remaining the same in the strangest ways.

 

But it was a good thing. Dave liked this New Strange.

 

He and Karkat spent most of their time with John, Rose and Jade, and everything was exactly as it had always been... except maybe for the fact that everyone thought of them as a unit. They got a lot of “What are you guys doing later?” and “Are you getting here by bus or on Dave’s car?” lately, and if one of them was missing during a conversation, the other was expected to answer for him as some kind of representative.

 

It was still odd at times, but for some reason Dave didn't really mind.

 

On the family side, things had gotten even better. Bro and Dirk were so familiar with Karkat by now that Dave didn’t even need to ask for permission to bring him home after school or invite him over on weekends. Sometimes Dirk joined them when they watched things on the big tv or played video games, and Bro always included him in their take-out polls before he went to get food, even going as far as to initiate small-talk if he was in the right mood.

 

Bro would never say, but Dave could tell he really liked Karkat. Probably because against all odds and bets, Dave had been doing all of his homework and projects on time since they had stared dating.

 

It wasn’t even intentional. Or it wasn’t at first, but because Karkat would postpone fun activities to concentrate on his own obligations, Dave felt too guilty not to imitate him. Later on, he discovered homework wasn’t as terrible if they were doing it together, and he even got to enjoy it when it came to creative work and essays.

 

That was definitely the strangest new thing so far... but although school was getting busier by the minute, Dave and Karkat still managed to free up some time and go on dates.

 

Watching movies and series in Dave’s apartment was probably the most fundamental activity in their relationship, so they did it a lot, but they also got coffee or lunch at their favorite local joints, and occasionally even went out with Rose and their older troll friends for drinks and live shows.

 

No one had ever managed to explain the Honeymoon Phase to Dave in a way that made sense to him, but now the puzzle was starting to take form by itself. For years, he had bitched about it as an outsider, feeling disappointed and even upset when Jade and then John went through their own relationships… but now he understood. He knew why they couldn’t help it.

 

He had already displayed a lot of (if not all) the symptoms of a Modern-Era Honeymoon Sucker.

 

1) He couldn’t be away from Karkat for longer than a few hours before shooting him a message.

2) They had several-hours-long videocalls whenever they were too busy to meet in person.

3) He had at least one hundred pictures of their times together in his phone, and most of them were blurry and shitty series taken while being silly, but he hadn’t erased even one.

4) His profile picture in all social media was a selfie of the two of them.

5) At some point, Karkat’s contact name in his phone had changed to ‘Babe’.

 

Dave was almost convinced that last bit had started as a joke, but as it usually happened with his fake humor, it just stuck.

 

But he didn’t even care how ridiculous he was being.

 

Nothing had ever made him happier than Karkat did.

 

It was not just in the romantic aspect. Karkat’s company was the most calming thing in the world to him, while also providing ridiculous amounts of casual fun that he could never get enough of. They shared all of their thoughts, and sometimes just each other’s silences while doing something else. It was like being the best of moirails… but they also got to make out a bunch.

 

In Dave’s humble opinion, they had gotten really good at that in a very short time.

 

Whenever they were alone, any excuse was enough. Dave imagined their need to smooch each other would eventually subside as the relationship grew older and more mature, but for the time being, it was the best shit ever.

 

Whenever he felt Karkat’s warmth getting that close to him, when their noses were the only thing between their faces, his whole body felt like crumbling. His ribcage heated up like an oven, baked his guts for the Sap Sale. The mix of Karkat’s smell and taste sent literal chemical reactions through his system, giving him a tingly static-like feel that people in poetry and music had always referred to as Magic. Now Dave could actually agree with them. It kind of fucking was.

 

But despite his brain was nothing but sugar and honey, and that he thought of many corny things as of lately, he rarely ever displayed those thoughts in the physical world. Meaning, Dave Strider was not much of a romantic. He wasn’t good with words or details, and he definitely struggled getting hints at times. It was just not his thing.

 

Karkat, on the other hand, was very into romance, and he was a natural.

 

He gave Dave his ketchup packets because he knew it was his favorite condiment, and since that time Dave mentioned he loved crows, he never failed to send him pictures if he saw one around town. He loved details, and memorized bits of information like an encyclopedia; he knew Dave’s two favorite drinks aside from apple juice (something literally no one else knew), and about that Halloween where Bro made him dress as a hotdog, even though Dave didn’t even remember the moment when he gave out that information.

 

Clearly, it was no surprise that Karkat had plenty of plans and ideas for their first monthiversary. Maybe more than expected. Dave wasn’t even aware that they were ‘doing the presents thing’ until Karkat mentioned it two days before the date.

 

“I already have your present, but I’m not sure if I should wrap it. Would that be too much? It’d be too much, right? Maybe I shouldn’t…”

 

Dave then spent a whole day in the mall trying to find a present that fit both his budget and his goal of not being lame.

 

At the end, he went for a black and red jacket that immediately made him think of Karkat. It was just his style. When he delivered the gift, he was relieved to see him putting the jacket on with an excited smile on his face. It was a double win: Not only did he like it, but it also looked really good on him.

 

Dave was sure his gift had earned him a higher rung on his Boyfriend Echeladder, perhaps _Staggering Lover-Boy_ or _Non-moronic Romeo_... but then Karkat gave him a USB.

 

“This is going to be fucking cheesy as shit, so just do me a favor and don’t fucking judge me for a whole minute, okay?” he said looking down at his feet with scarlet cheeks that matched his new jacket. His voice trembled a bit, the sound asphyxiated by the nervousness. “I re-recorded the song I wrote you on Christmas. I polished it with new arrangements, and used better equipment to record it.” He attempted to look at him, but just ended up fixing his eyes on his chin. He breathed in. “I know it’s kinda like a recycled gift but, since I used the song to confess to you and… well, it’s our first month officially together... you know, I just thought-”

 

Dave stopped listening. He took his present from Karkat’s fingers without saying a word, his eyes focused on the little rectangle like if it was the first time he had ever seen a flash drive. A faint smile formed on his lips when he noticed Karkat was still explaining himself, with words stumbling onto each other, the blush on his face undying and bright, and his left hand clawed into his right arm as if he was about to rip it off.

 

Dave waited for him to finish before he kissed him harder than he had ever done before.

 

He spent a good hour of that Sunday evening just locked in his room, shoving his face into pillows as he listened to the song on repeat and did his best not to die.

 

He told himself he shouldn’t feel bad for not being able to keep up with Karkat. There was no way a normal human being could compete with such a fucking Romance God Tier anyway.

 

But still, now more than ever, he wanted to woo him back however he could. He wanted Karkat to feel the same he felt when he listened to that second version of his song.

 

Luckily, he had the perfect excuse to give romance a shot.

 

\-----

 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, babe.” Dave greeted with a confident smile, catching up with Karkat in the school’s main hallway with a stride Giacomo Casanova would’ve envied for sure.

 

He was feeling excited and ready. The set-up was perfect for his plan: It was a Friday, the whole school was decorated with gross amounts of hearts and cupids, and even the weather was nice. The sun was out, and February was warming up earlier than usual. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

 

Karkat’s immediate reaction to the greeting was to chuckle.

 

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to do that,” he said as they walked together along the hallway.

 

Dave’s eyebrows arched above his shades.

 

“What you mean?” Something felt immediately wrong.

 

“I am aware of the idiotic reasoning of having a consumerist holiday that revolves around red romance,” Karkat said calmly. “Just another capitalist trick to sell chocolates, cards and flowers, while also alienating other forms of romance and loving relationships that aren’t as commerciable,” he followed the explanation with a little shrug. “It’s fine by me if we just pretend it’s a regular day.”

 

“Uh…”

 

Dave’s posture wavered a bit.

 

That was a curveball if he had ever seen one. Karkat fucking Vantas was shitting on Valentine’s Day?

 

He started walking a little slower, while he eyed at him with a concerned expression.

 

“Wow okay, a hundred percent not what I was picturing.” Karkat looked puzzled aswell, incrementing the amount of questions Dave had in store. Regardless, he tried to keep his mind set on the goal. They had just reached Karkat’s locker. “Um, I gotta say… I kiiiinda assumed you more than anyone would be on board with this day.”

 

“What, with Valentine’s?” he inquired as he took the locker’s lock in his hands to enter the combination. “I mean, I didn’t think you would want to celebrate it, so I never thought much of-”

 

Karkat’s voice was stopped abruptly by the sound of something slamming a metal surface. He jumped on his place, startled, and then watched with big eyes the hand firmly keeping shut his locker’s door.

 

“Dave, what the fuck are you thinking??” Karkat snapped immediately, turning his head to look at him. Indignation was written all over his face. “You scared the living shit out of me!”

 

“Sorry, sorry,” he rushed to say, but didn’t move an inch, still trapping Karkat between him and the locker. He could feel his heart beating desperately in his throat. He had to think fast and say something that made it look less weird. “You look nice today.”

 

He was so fucked.

 

“...Did you have to almost give me a heart attack in order to tell me that?” Karkat asked with a frown that slowly started to deepen. Dave couldn’t even answer. His brain was panicking and not responding to direct commands. Karkat squinted a bit. “Okay, what the fuck is happening here? DON’T- you even _TRY_ to tell me nothing is happening, Dave. I’m not the clueless schoolgirl protagonist of some summer chick-flick that you seem to think I am. Why are you acting so fucking weird all of a sudden?”

 

“It’s… um…”

 

He knew it was too late. Even if he started stalling now, Karkat would figure it out himself any moment. If there was a disadvantage of being so close with your partner, that was probably it: No way of hiding anything from them for longer than five seconds.

 

Dave sighed heavily.

 

“Sorry, I guess I should’ve checked with you first.”

 

“Check what? What on earth are you talking about?”

 

Dave put down his hand. The beating stuck in his throat was slowing down, but it had also become more painful. Maybe it was better to get it over with. He slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans, and sent a significant glance to the locker without saying a word.

 

Karkat took a couple seconds to move, probably suspicious of such response. He turned around in silence, and then slowly (very slowly) raised his hand to open the locker. He yelped when something big precipitated forward, but he was quick enough to catch it before it fell on his face.

 

“Holy shit, what the fuck!”

 

“Sorry, I assumed you’d be into it,” Dave was quick to say, a familiar heat accumulating on his face. He could tell there were a couple people staring discreetly while he stood by his boyfriend, who was now holding a bouquet of yellow and red tulips. “Y’know, with all the movies and books you love and stuff, I thought-”

 

“I thought you hated holidays like this,” Karkat mumbled. The bouquet was so big that all Dave could see was his big eyes hooked on the flowers and the faint redness taking over his cheeks.

 

“I never cared much for it,” he admitted, then tried to speak lower to make sure anyone watching couldn’t actually hear him. “But I imagined you’d be into the whole Valentine vibe, and it really made me want to surprise you.”

 

“That, you did,” Karkat said. His tone of voice was very faint. It looked like he still couldn’t understand why he was holding a bunch of flowers on Valentine’s Day. “I’m… thank you. I’m sorry I don’t have anything for you. I feel really fucking stupid right now,” Karkat’s face got redder as he locked eyes with Dave. “I’m such an imbecile for not asking you if you wanted to do something.”

 

“It’s a’ight.”

 

Dave smiled gently, his disappointment quickly turning into satisfaction.

 

He had woken up extra early that day to get everything ready, and he was the first student to walk into school. The janitor sent him a couple of distrusting stares, but he managed to sneak the flowers inside the locker before anyone saw him.

 

He never thought of how quickly and easy his Mission Possible would be since he knew Karkat’s lock combination, so after succeeding in his task he still had to remain by himself in an empty school for fifty more minutes. Truly, the worst outcome he could’ve expected… but all worth it now that he had Karkat’s reaction.

 

Dave stepped closer to him without thinking, finding something resembling to privacy now that the locker’s door served as a partial shield from people on the hallway. Karkat’s grip on the bouquet tightened.

 

“So… how about it? Wanna go on a date with me, Valentine?”

 

It felt damn good being the romantic dude for once.

 

“Yeah, that sounds… nice,” Karkat murmured. The bright color of his face hadn’t subsided in the least, and he was looking down at the flowers again. “But... since I wasn’t planning on going out today, I don’t have any money on me.”

 

“Worry not. This Valentine’s was already foretold in ancient date glyphs as epic and on me. I won’t accept a penny from you,” Dave assured. He placed his hand on Karkat’s lower back, which he interpreted correctly as a hint to get closer. Karkat stepped forward, and the flowers fit perfectly between them when Dave leaned in to bump their foreheads together. “But if you insist, we always accept other payment methods.”

 

Karkat rolled his eyes, but his smile was god-sent.

 

“Don’t be cheeky, we’re in school.”

 

“We don’t gotta be. The Stridermobile is in the parking lot, I reserved it for the occasion.”

 

“Dave, that’s-” he stopped. “-really fucking tempting right now.” He bit his lower lip as if he was considering the option very seriously, but came into his senses in a matter of seconds. “Wait, what am I talking about? Classes are about to start, we can’t just ditch school entirely!”

 

“Why not?” Karkat had no quick answer to that, but a worried frown appeared on his face instead. Dave already knew what was going through his head. He had to put on his best ‘I have done nothing wrong’ look. “K, I haven’t skipped classes in months,” he told him in an appeasing tone. “It’s just this one time, I promise. It won’t happen again.”

 

One, two, three seconds…

 

Karkat’s shoulders dropped along with his frown.

 

“Okay,” he sighed long and loud. Dave closed a fist in sign of victory, making Karkat raise his infamous warning finger. “Just this one fucking time, Dave. But you better bet your ass we’re both going to catch up with everything during the weekend.”

 

Dave smirked as he turned ninety degrees on his heels and threw an arm around The Babe’s shoulders.

 

“Fine by me.”

 

____

 

With the Potential No-Valentine Celebration threat averted, Dave immediately relaxed about the whole thing. Karkat looked really happy already, and that’s all he had wanted to achieve on the first place.

 

They went into the school’s parking lot and boarded the Strider jeep together, where a tan teddy bear with a red bowtie was buckled up on the back seat.

 

“Oh my fucking god,” was all Karkat could say when he spotted it on the rear-view mirror.

 

“Be warned,” Dave said as he opened the glove compartment to reveal a small heart-shaped box that could only contain chocolates. “Gonna be pullin’ them all-time cliches on you left and right throughout the day.”

 

“Are you doing this ironically?” Karkat asked trying to look serious, his side smile only betraying him a little. He seemed genuinely amused by his antics.

 

“What? Reaching gross levels of over-used romantic tropes?” He took the flowers from him and put them in the back seat, next to the bear. “Maybe. Gotta stay true to myself and be a sap my way.”

 

Karkat snorted as he put on his seatbelt, but then threw a quick glance at the rear-view mirror again. His smile took over completely this time along with a faint blush.

 

“That's fine by me.”

 

 

 

[[S] (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Man](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRArHRAJMog)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woooo boy. Are you still with me? Was that too much? I hope I didn't ruin everyone's teeth with all this damn sugar I literally couldn't stop myself from pouring like crazy.
> 
> I'm very happy that you enjoyed the last chapter as much as I did <3 Hopefully you also liked this one.
> 
> Tell me what you think or maybe your favorite part?
> 
> Thank you again for your reading, and especially for your comments:  
>  **Heck**  
>  **Sol1t41r3**  
>  **VampireTrickster**  
>  **hexaS**  
>  **screamingHeartthrob  
>  **albinoglitch****
> 
> I GOTTA GO BACK TO WORK NOW, SO SEE YA (PROBABLY, MAYBE) SOON! 
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> PS: if anyone here likes Voltron (particularly Klance, Sheith, Shklance) I might be posting incriminating smut later on the weekend jsyk)


	20. Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Valentine's Date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you know how every time I come back I have an excuse?
> 
> Well, to make this short let's just say that every single excuse I have ever given you applies this time around.
> 
> I feel really bad for being absent for so long, and technically the chapter isn't done yet, but I think I'm gonna post it in two parts just so you all know I'm still alive and posting. The next part should be up next week, assuming anyone is still waiting for it sdfsd
> 
> I think I loved this chapter (pt1 and pt2) the most but I won't know until I'm not numb from reading it a million times in a row so lemme know if we agree on that.
> 
> I have some extra notes at the end for when you finish reading (and an extra little gift too), so enjoy for now

**Chapter 20**

  _"Happy"_

 

 

Valentine’s Day was still running and keeping score. It was barely nine in the morning and the day had already exceeded expectations.

 

Dave delivered his gifts, and he and Karkat left in the jeep without any setbacks, blasting music on the radio and enjoying that unmistakable feeling of rebellion and freedom you could only get from skipping school on your senior year.

 

Dave had some experience with missing classes, but this was the first time he had ever left the building without stepping in a classroom first. He felt almost invincible. He could go _anywhere_ he wanted, do _anything_ he pleased.

 

It was such an out-of-a-movie experience that not even Karkat could pretend it wasn’t kind of fucking awesome. He rolled down the window and leaned back on his seat for a good portion of the ride, intertwining his fingers over his stomach and moving his foot to the rhythm of the music. Dave smiled to himself every time he took a peek at the wing mirror and got to see that relaxed expression on his face.

 

The city’s main park was twenty minutes away from their High School, and it was probably one of the prettiest places to hang out when you had nothing specific in mind. It was huge, with several gardens, fountains, monuments and artificial lakes. The theater and the zoo hadn’t opened by the time they arrived, but it didn’t matter too much. Dave’s main goal for the first part of the date was just to spend time alone with Karkat, and it was the perfect time for that.

 

It was a Friday morning, during that short lapse between early and late. Morning joggers were mostly gone, and everyone was already working or on their way to their jobs. Families usually visited later in the afternoon, and the few people at the park at that moment were so evenly scattered throughout the area that you wouldn’t run into anyone face to face, although you could probably spot a yoga group enjoying the sun or an elderly couple sitting on a bench.

 

Dave and Karkat left everything inside the car and walked into the park together. Dave felt a weird mix of nostalgia and anxiousness as they stopped before a big map of the place and gave it a look. He had been to that park with his brothers many times when he was a kid, and even got to enjoy fireworks on a 4th of July with his childhood friends… but this was the very first time he was there with Karkat.

 

It was certainly a nice change of pace, walking around and talking like they usually did but with a different scenery. At least Karkat seemed to like it. In fact, he was so at ease that he didn’t mind strolling down the taylor trail while holding hands, which took Dave completely by surprise because —despite the lack of people— they were still in a public place. Usually Karkat was too paranoid or shy to even hook pinkies together.

 

They stopped a few times during their walk to take pictures of trees and birds, but eventually made their way to their final destination: A big crooked oak in the middle of a vast meadow, Dave’s Favorite Chilling Spot.

 

The two of them lay down next to each other over patches of pale grass that still managed to grow under the tree’s shade. The trunk was sturdy and had some long branches, all leaning to one side as if they were too heavy for the tree to carry them. Looking up, they had the view of the branches contrasting against the blue sky, their twigs and leaves dancing at the rythm of the wind.

 

It was a peaceful feeling.

 

“Okay so, just picture this.” Dave was saying. He put his arms in the air and made a hand motion of extending something before him.

 

A resigned smirk formed in the corner of Karkat’s mouth.

 

“I’m picturing.”

 

“So Roxy shows up at the club, and Rose and I won’t even look at her in the eye. Partly out of embarrassment, but mostly because we can’t even see fucking straight. Everyone can tell we are a hot damn mess, like, she and Rufioh have to _help us_ get in the car like it’s some fucking Sweet Sixteen gone wrong. We smell like a trashcan with something dead inside that was lit on fire and the Fire Department went nope I ain’t touching that. We’re arguing with each other in loud whispers and can’t even put on our seatbelts right. Basically, it’s all a motherfucking disaster.”

 

“Clearly.”

 

“-but just when Roxy thought that trainwreck of a night was over and she just needed to take me home and then bounce with Rose-”

 

“Oh no.”

 

“-she has to pull over to let me barf all over the nearest sidewalk.”

 

“Jesusfuck, Dave,” Karkat mumbled in disbelief.

 

“I know, man.” Dave chuckled. “Luckily for me and Rose, Roxy is super nice. She took us back to their house and had us nap in the living room while she made us some sweet fucking pancakes.”

 

Karkat turned his head, shooting a critical stare in his direction.

 

“I thought the premise of this story was how Roxy tore you and Rose a new one for almost dying of alcohol poisoning?”

 

“Oh, she totally did,” Dave assured in a sudden serious tone. “She just wanted to make sure we were as sober as possible before that. You know, so she could actually poke some sense through our liquified brains.”

 

“Oh…” Karkat drew his eyebrows together. “That… sounds almost like an intervention,” he mentioned softly, like if he was talking to himself. After a short moment of silence, he sent Dave a nervous glance. “Was it an intervention?”

 

“Huh,” Dave crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes were still focused on the tree branches above them, but he wasn’t really watching them anymore. “Now that you mention it…  I guess it kinda was.”

 

They went quiet again, this time for a little longer.

 

Dave was recalling a particular scene from that conversation. He remembered being in the Lalondes’ living room, with the morning’s sunlight slowly spilling into the floor and walls. He could still see the concern in Roxy’s expression, and feel the hard grip on his shoulder. He also remembered Rose sitting quietly next to him on the couch, her fringe hiding most of her face as she stared down at her knees.

 

He always forgot about that part (and many other parts) of the story. The events remained fuzzy in his memories, but he was now realizing he had never told anyone about how that night ended. Not until that moment at least. He hadn’t even brought it up to Rose after it happened… although mostly because he had the feeling that she didn’t want to talk about that particular misadventure for as long as they lived.

 

Just then, he perceived movement from the corner of his eye, interrupting his thoughts. He tilted his head just enough to look at Karkat.

 

He had turned to lie on his side, facing him. Now Dave could see the entirety of his low thick eyebrows, and the grimace coated with uneasiness that had taken over his features. That was a rare sight.

 

“...what?” Dave dared to ask after what felt like a whole minute, but was probably just a few seconds. It made him incredibly nervous when Karkat clearly wanted to say something but wouldn’t speak up.

 

“I’m waiting to hear the resolution of all this,” he simply said, crossing his arms and shrugging as much as he could from that position. Dave raised an inquisitive eyebrow as his formal request for a follow-up. Karkat fixed his gaze somewhere on the ground between them before speaking again. “The intervention, I mean. Did it work?”

 

“It didn’t make me stop getting drunk, if that’s what you mean,” Dave confessed without a shade of pride. He would’ve loved to be that story. The guy who got talked-to in a severe manner and learned his lesson without fucking up further. “Roxy knew she couldn’t make us stop drinking just by asking. She only told us to stop being so fucking stupid about it before we actually ended up hurt or dead.”

 

Karkat’s frown disappeared a little.

 

“That… makes sense,” he admitted. But when he looked at Dave again, he seemed a bit embarrassed. His voice turned softer. “Listen, I swear I’m not trying to police your decisions here, but...” a sigh stopped more words from coming out. He tried again. “I’m aware that I can’t tell you what to do. I’m not your mother. And even she can’t tell you jackshit this far in the fucking game. But I just… don’t like it when you drink yourself into oblivion. I really hate to see you all fucked up and gone, you know?”

 

Dave felt his heart contract painfully at those words. It didn’t help that he could tell Karkat was fighting his usual aggressive demeanor. There was a pleading tune to his confession, like if he was secretly hoping they wouldn’t have to talk about it in detail… but still wanted to make his point across once and for all.

 

Dave turned his body just like Karkat had done, resting his weight on his side. He folded an arm under his head for support and have a better look at him.

 

“Don’t worry,” he said calmly. “I haven’t gotten blackout-wasted since then, and Rose hasn’t either. Actually, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I barely even drink now... though I guess that’s not really because of what Roxy told me.”

 

As he said it, Dave felt heat quickly spreading to his ears. Wow, he was so lame.

 

Karkat didn’t seem to get it, but he was in no rush to explain.

 

He had just noticed the distance between them, and caught himself analyzing his features in complete silence. Karkat’s eighteenth birthday was approaching, and the subtle physical changes in his person were a distracting reminder for Dave. From his prominent sideburns to the red irises held within his amberine eyes, from the thickness of his brows to the sharper angles in his jawline. Dave’s eyes went over every inch of his face... until they ran into his lips.

 

Just as a predictable thought crossed his mind, he felt his stomach turn into a knot. His heart started racing at a sudden revelation.

 

_He was on a date with Karkat._

 

A legit Flowers and Chocolates Date™ on Valentine’s day with Karkat fucking Vantas.

 

And Karkat was _actually_ his matesprit now. And all of their friends knew. And they were okay with it. The same way that Karkat was suddenly okay with skipping school with him just to hold hands in a park and sit under some oak and listen to him blabber about his stupid Teen Wreck Chronicles. He obviously had to like him. Or at least to some degree.

 

How was that even possible?

 

No, it’s not like he had seriously forgotten he was dating Karkat… but in a way, he kinda did sometimes.

 

Whenever he caught himself revealing things he never said out loud, or realizing how different they both were compared to when they were freshmen and definitely not friends. In those moments, his brain stopped itself for a second. Like pausing the movie of his own life to remind him of the situation he was in, and how it hadn’t always been like that.

 

And then he realized (again) that this was a thing now.

 

_They were a thing._

 

It was all kinds of fucking happening.

 

His brain plugged his Reality cord back in, and Karkat was right before him once again. He was looking a bit bashful, frowning once more… meaning Dave had been staring for too long.

 

“So...” Karkat finally said. His arms were still crossed. “Why did you stop abusing ethylic beverages if it wasn’t because of the intervention?”

 

Dave blinked twice. Once because he was recalling the conversation, and another time because he couldn’t believe Karkat was asking that so seriously.

 

Shouldn’t it be obvious?

 

“Because of you, Karkat,” he told him without even thinking, almost hurt he had to spell it out. Karkat’s expression faded into one Dave couldn’t read clearly, like if he wasn’t sure of what that meant. Dave felt the heat coming back to his ears. “I mean, Roxy’s talk definitely stopped me from getting absolutely shitfaced, but uh… ever since you and I patched things up I’ve barely drunk enough to get tipsy. You… never noticed that?”

 

Karkat blushed immediately, but was unable to respond.

 

Apparently, he had never noticed that.

 

“Well... yeah,” Dave spoke again, averting his gaze. He felt a little pressured to keep the conversation going. The heat was spreading to his face now. “I never even liked drinking on the first place. And okay, I admit some of it just happened because I thought it looked cool… and it wasn’t. It never was. Drinking is probably the least cool thing anyone can do. All my humiliating drunk memories can vouch for that. But honestly, my main reason to do that shit at all was to get numb. To stop the unending thoughts-barf waterfall…” Cautiously, Dave’s eyes went looking for Karkat’s again. As soon as they met, a peaceful and comforting feeling spread inside his chest. “But I don’t wanna be numb when I’m with you.”

 

“Okay, now I know you’re just spouting incoherencies,” Karkat mumbled, his face getting redder by the second.

 

Dave’s eyebrows arched up, a smile sliding to the side of his face. He was blushing too, but Karkat’s reaction to his words was too satisfactory to feel embarrassed about them.

 

“Am I?”

 

“Yes, shut up already???” Karkat’s face looked like a red neon sign by now. A very flustered one. The knot that were his arms finally undid itself. He leaned on one arm, holding his torso up as if he wanted to take a more defiant stand. “And stop fucking smiling all coy and fucking handsome, it’s pissing me off.”

 

“No idea what you sayin’. Ain’t no one here smiling, babe.”

 

Dave’s smirk widened when he felt a hand grabbing him by one of the cords of his hoodie.

 

“Yes. You. Are.”

 

He caught a glimpse of Karkat’s contained smile as he was shortening the distance between them. Dave closed his eyes and welcomed his lips with utmost cordiality, caressing them with his own as the warm feeling from before started clogging his lungs. Finally.

 

After a few seconds of a careful series of kisses, Karkat seemed to remember they were alone in the middle of that meadow. He let go of the hoodie’s cord and placed his hand on the side of Dave’s face, fingers merging with the beginning of hairline on the back of his neck. A wave of excitement swept Dave from head to toes when Karkat tilted his head and deepened the kiss in a different angle.

 

It was a brutal change of sensations. His face felt hot and steamy within seconds, and his heartbeat started pounding in his ears. He answered the kiss as best as he could, but he hadn’t been ready for it. It took a few seconds for his brain and mouth to readjust. He was just absolutely fucking lost whenever Karkat kissed him like that.

 

If he ever tried to pay attention to his own thoughts during those moments, he would probably hear the sound of those hospital machines flatlining. Nothing but an endless “beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep” inside his head.

 

And maybe that was the truth. Maybe he actually died each time Karkat locked away his shyness and took over.

 

At least that would explain the way his brain shut down or that aftertaste of heaven.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No song for this part of the chapter but as I said, I have a little gift.
> 
> A month ago I posted a bunch of doodles I've made for this fic, so I'll leave a link [**here**](http://notdavestrider.tumblr.com/post/163071993159/im-reaaaally-taking-my-time-updating-it-had-to-be) in case you wanna check that out
> 
> Also some extra comments/observations
> 
> \- This chapter had 3 versions that I rewrote completely
> 
> \- In one of those there was more about Roxy and her alcoholism, but uh... it was insanely long. Also, I don't know if you've noticed, but this story mirrors most arcs/relationships in the canon, so I felt like people could fill in the blanks there. But in case you needed confirmation, yes Roxy used to be an alcoholic as a teen and sobered up after a while
> 
> \- Fun fact, in the "reflexive" bit where Dave "realizes" he's dating Karkat, Dave was dissociating a bit. 
> 
> Sorry I didn't answer comments like I usually do. I took so long I imagined most people wouldn't even remember/care at this point lol. But anyway, thank you to:
> 
> **Rollyzen  
> ** **Sol1t41r3  
> ** **VampireTrickster  
> ** **Heck  
> ** **draconicPeacekeeper  
> ** **albinoglitch  
> ** **Turntechmemelord  
> ** **TheImpossibleSnicks  
> ** **screamingHeartthrob  
> ** **hedgeblog  
> ** **artisticDepression  
>  **o0JayWolf0o****
> 
> ********** **
> 
> ********** **
> 
> this chapter is for you <3
> 
> I've been having a hard time writing (as my delay shows) because I made the mistake of sharing some of my work with the wrong people, and my usual self-esteem took quite the blow. But your opinion as an actual reader of mine is precious beyond believe. Specially in a fandom like this, that none of my friends share anymore. You're the only ones I can love Davekat with and it's so wholesome. Thank you a bunch for your comments, I love you all <3
> 
> See ya later
> 
> xo.Ro
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> PS: btw that Voltron fic I mentioned before? It might not happen for a while because Season 3 ruined me and I must change a lot of things. But I do have a DDADDS short fic coming up jsyk


	21. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Official Part 2 that is technically a Part 3 about a Valentine date because yours truly has no fucking self control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This accidental Megapause was brought to you by depression, Uni entry exam preparations, and literally a fucking earthquake.
> 
> Nothing to worry about now, thankfully. Still stressed about the exam but that's gonna be over soon too, so yay.
> 
> I would really appreciate comments about this chapter because posting long chapters means people forget half of it by the moment they get to the end, but I swear this one I wrote with tears and blood. That's also one of the reasons I took forever to come back. 
> 
> SO ANYWAY 
> 
> THANK YOU TO:  
>  ** **o0JayWolf0o****  
>  ** **Sol1t41r3****  
>  ** **Glarien13****  
>  ** **graccattack****  
>  ** **Heck****  
>  ** **TheImpossibleSnicks****  
>  ** **hedgeblog****
> 
> I love you all so much, I am grateful for your patience. This MegaChapter is for you.  
> Tell me your favorite parts, pretty please?

**Chapter 21**

_Together_

 

For the rest of the morning Dave felt like if he was in a dream. Or a very long and cheesy movie with no storyline, only unending montages of sappy date activities to the sound of some 60’s overplayed love song.

 

After making out under the crooked oak for what it felt like the shortest eternity, they went to check out some of the sections of the park that had just opened up for the day.

 

They went to the japanese garden, rented a pedal boat in the lagoon, hopped on the tour railroad going around the park, had brunch and milkshakes at the cafe, and bought nothing after shuffling through the gift shop for almost half an hour.

 

When they got to the jeep in the parking lot it was almost two o’clock and Dave was genuinely sad that it was over. He had planned going to the movies for a perfect ending to their date, but unfortunately, his careful planning hadn’t been entirely bulletproof.

 

Turns out, the downside of skipping classes is that you have to keep a believable act before the eyes of your parental figures... which didn’t really matter when it came to the Striders, but it really did for the Vantas.

 

After the time Karkat got drunk at The Raven (when he yelled at his dad on the phone and crashed at Dave’s place instead of going home) Mr. Vantas established new rules in the hive, and some of them were more inconvenient than others.

 

For example, Dave was just finding out that Karkat was _technically_ not allowed to go out after school if his dad wasn’t in town, and that all the times he had gotten away with it was because he managed to sneak out without his brother knowing.

 

“So, essentially, you are sayin’ you’ve been breaking parole since we started dating and never bothered to tell me?” Dave said as they drove away from the park. He wasn’t particularly happy to learn that information just now. “Anything else you been hidin’? A twin brother living abroad? Some secret Red Blood psychic power the government has forbidden you to use for the planet’s safety?”

 

“Yeah Dave, you got me. The government allows me to run around with my secret power that can blow up planets, and they just trust me not to use it,” Karkat said in a flat tone, looking out the window with his arms crossed. “I’m sorry for not telling you I was grounded, okay? I just don’t think it’s that important.”

 

“Uh, but it is??” Dave furrowed his brow and sent him a quick disapproving look. “What if your dad finds out you keep going out without permission every time he’s away?? What if he figures out it was mostly with me? Have you ever considered that super uncool possibility during your julietscapades? Because maybe, just maybe, I don’t love the idea of your family hating me before they even meet me.”

 

“Wow. I just want to say, for the record, that you just annihilated any right you had to call me dramatic ever again,” Karkat huffed, trying to disguise a smile. “And first of all, I only go out with you if Kankri is busy or at work, so it’s not like he could tell on me. Second of all, I hate to be the one that shatters your delusions that I’m some kind of law-breaking renegade, but regardless of your strange views on my dad’s authority, this is not a big fucking deal.”

 

“Well, I respectfully, motherfuckingly disagree.”

 

In truth, Dave felt at a loss in this particular predicament. Karkat was usually the first one to follow the rules and establish boundaries for everything, but somehow his seemingly-strict guardian was not a worry among his own... despite he was currently grounded for making him angry on the first place.

 

That unusual calm demeanor made him more anxious than the situation itself. Another misstep on their part could bring real trouble with Karkat’s dad, and he wanted none of it.

 

He held tighter onto the wheel.

 

“I mean, let’s be real for a sec,” he tried again after noticing Karkat wasn’t planning to argue back. “If you’re making me drive you home just to trick Kankri into thinking that we went to school it’s cuz you agree that your dad isn’t someone we should mess with, right?”

 

“No?” Karkat scoffed. “It’s because all Vantas are a fucking pain in the ass and lying to them is easier than letting things escalate and get out of control.” He sounded quite confident, but his voice softened when he eyed Dave’s expression. “Dave, I know you’re worried, but just trust me, okay? I know what I’m doing.”

 

Dave pursed his lips.

 

Karkat had spent most of his teenage years separating his social life from his family life for reasons he had never disclosed to friends, and the fact that he was sharing this much with him was already a huge deal.

 

He didn’t want to fuck that up.

 

“Fine,” he sighed reluctantly. “Let’s go fix our lyin’ with more lyin’.”

 

\---------------

 

Saying Karkat’s place was big would be an understatement.

 

It certainly contrasted with its neighboring hives as soon as you spot it from the corner of the street, but when they walked through the front door and found themselves in a large hall with tall ceiling, Dave had the impression that the abode was somehow bigger from the inside.

 

The first thing he spotted was a stained-glass double door on the opposite side of the room that seemed to lead to the dining room; there was also a regular door to their left (perhaps a bathroom or the living room?), a big arch on the right from where you could see the kitchen, and next to it, a long staircase and its polished handrail leading to a corridor on the second floor.

 

But despite the size was immediately imposing, the most curious thing about the hive was definitely its decor, that gave the illusion that they were in an ancient manor somewhere in the country and not in a suburban area in the middle of Houston. Dave had never seen a home like that in real life.

 

There was a red rug covering most of the wooden floor, and the lamps and curtains had an old-fashioned design that fit just right. The dark wallpaper with intricate designs was almost buried under portraits, paintings, and some framed documents and diplomas that looked very old. Dave tried to take a good look at them, but he didn’t get the chance.

 

Karkat, with courier bag hanging from one shoulder and bouquet of tulips on his arms, headed to the kitchen as soon as he closed the door behind them. Dave felt obliged to follow, but they didn’t go very far. Karkat stopped his advance at the beginning of the stairs and turned around to look at him with a peculiar smirk.

 

“Watch this,” he said very quietly, then proceeded to look up to the second floor. “I JUST GOT HOME!” he yelled, almost making Dave drop his own backpack.

 

But before he could complain, take a jab at him, or even mutter “Dude, what the fuck” in a very upset tone, a voice from upstairs answered back:

 

“VERY WELL, KARKAT!”

 

That had to be his brother. Dave froze in place, his eyes nailing on the second floor and his heart suddenly pumping at top speed in a closed fist, waiting for a troll to emerge from one of the rooms. Any second now, Kankri Vantas would show up at the top of the stairs and Dave would have to face one of Karkat’s family members for the first time.

 

Or so he thought. After nearly fifteen seconds of piercing suspense, he realized there was no sound of steps or movement. Not one indication that someone was coming down or at least planning to do so. Apparently, that ‘exchange’ had been the end of that.

 

With his heart steadily slowing down, he looked at Karkat, who had raised both eyebrows in an expression that basically said _‘What did I fucking tell you?’_

 

He smiled at Dave’s bewilderment.

 

“I’m going to get a vase for the flowers. Do you want something to drink?”

 

The kitchen also shared the same this-is-unnecessary vibe of the hall, but it didn’t quite match with the aesthetic of the rest of the hive. Dave had the impression that everything was at least a hundred years old despite its tidiness, but the kitchen was definitely brand new. It had black and white shiny counters and futuristic-looking appliances.

 

Karkat left his courier bag over a counter and took the flowers to the sink. Dave dropped his backpack too and pulled a stool to sit down at the polished bar that divided the kitchen in two. He looked around the room for a moment.

 

Everything was spotless, almost alarmingly so. He couldn’t help wondering if the Vantas liked it that way or if no one in the hive cooked. Ever.

 

“Your place is fucking cool,” he finally said. He’d originally wanted to avoid giving his opinion in case it would bother Karkat, but that had proven to be harder than expected after such a first impression.

 

“It’s an amalgamation of what ancient hives should look like, if you ask me,” Karkat shrugged from the sink. He had put the tulips inside a crystal vase and was now filling it up with water. “My dad bought it thinking it would make us feel more connected to our culture or whatever the shit, but his personal feng-shui is a bit too fucking earthling to carry on a project like this all the way through. A highblood would find the inside of this hive absolutely repulsive, basically like throwing up all over the sacred memory of our ancestors.”

 

“Correct me if I’m wrong but, didn’t those very specific ancestors start the war that essentially destroyed half of Alternia and all those traditional hives they liked?”

 

“Pretty much yeah,” Karkat left the vase next to the sink. He grabbed a glass from a nearby cabinet and placed it under the faucet. “I don’t really give a shit, to be honest. I just wished it didn’t look so god- _damn_ pretentious. Who are we trying to impress here? We never have visitors.”

 

“It’s over the top, for sure,” Dave admitted tilting his head to the side, eyeing an ornamented clock that was ticking above the fridge. “But also fucking rad in like, a very eerie kind of way? Like the Shining could start unfolding in here at any second, ya feel me?”

 

Karkat laughed at that wholeheartedly, an accomplishment Dave wished he could have recorded on video. The sound of his laugh never failed to make his heart swell.

 

“I’m not responsible for whatever you could or could not find in the bathtub,” he said as he walked back to the bar. He handed Dave the glass of water and sat on the stool next to him. “But if the creepy twins show up, rest assured, I will be the first to burn this place to the fucking ground.”

 

Dave chuckled.

 

“No, c’mon. You can’t do that, man," He barely took a sip of the water before turning on the stool to face Karkat better. “Do you know what would happen if John discovered we found some movie-like shit and didn’t call him? He would fucking disown our asses. Like, he’d stop talkin’ to us immediately and just weep like a inconsolable widow for the rest of his damn life, telling tales of our horrible deeds for everyone to listen.”

 

“Yeah... probably.”

 

Dave wasn’t sure if it had been his imagination, but he was almost certain Karkat’s smile had vacillated for a second there.

 

He suddenly felt uneasy.

 

Something about his body language and the change in his voice didn’t feel right. He watched him shift his weight on the stool and lean on the bar with both arms without saying a word. All eye-contact had just been negated with that change of position, and Dave couldn’t help thinking it was completely intentional.

 

The atmosphere had changed so drastically that he didn’t even know if it was too soon to point it out. Was it better to ignore it for now or would that come back later to bite him in the ass?

 

His heart started beating harder, like it did at Jade’s Christmas party and at the new year’s fair. That feeling of inexplicable dread that made his brain jump to the worst conclusions within milliseconds. But before he could even ponder how to break that silence between them... a phone started ringing.

 

Startled, Dave placed his hands over his pockets instinctively... but then remembered his phone had personalized ringtones, and that none of them were the conventional type.

 

Unaware that he had almost suffered from a heart attack, Karkat groaned to himself and abandoned the stool he was occupying. It wasn’t until then that Dave was able to put two and two together:

 

The Vantas, unlike he and his brothers, still had a line phone at home.

 

“Hello?” Karkat had rushed to pick up the phone from a base on the wall. His annoyed expression only deepened when he got his answer. “Yeah, it’s me.”

 

If Dave had to make a wild guess, he would say that was his dad.

 

He experienced an unforeseen and slightly ridiculous feeling of gratitude towards Mr. Vantas in that very moment. He appreciated having a couple extra seconds to gather his wits and calm himself down.

 

He watched Karkat as he talked on the phone with an apprehensive look on his face. He was replying exclusively with monosyllables every few seconds, or going “mmhm” without really adding anything to it. But all in all, he didn’t seem particularly angry. Or at least not with him.

 

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe that sudden drop of temperature in the room had nothing to do with him.

 

As Karkat kept talking on the phone, Dave watched his hand toying with the hem of his shirt, his eyes set somewhere between the floor and the fridge. His voice sounded monotone and dry, but there was impatience embed in it.

 

When he finally hung up he looked upset.

 

“Everything okay?” Dave asked carefully.

 

“Yeah, he just got paranoid because I didn’t call when I got home,” he said as he walked back to Dave. But despite his dismissive tone, that frown wasn’t budging. “Is it okay with you if we watch movies here instead of the cinema? I have a pretty decent collection upstairs.”

 

“Uh, sure... that’s cool with me, but...” He watched Karkat grab his courier bag while still analyzing every inch of his face. “Why the sudden change?”

 

“I don’t know…” Karkat shrugged without looking at him in the eye. Dave stood up. “We’re already here and I don’t feel like going out anymore?” Karkat moved toward the flowers with the intention of taking them with him, but Dave stopped him by grabbing his arm gently. Karkat’s faint surprise colored up his features. “What- what’s wrong?”

 

He didn’t know.

 

He really didn’t. But there was something. He knew Karkat well enough.

 

Not only his mood had changed from one moment to another, but now he wasn’t telling why. That was unlike him.

 

Dave couldn’t help thinking that, as much as he didn’t want to ask, maybe he had to. Maybe it was really his fault. Maybe Karkat was just keeping quiet because he didn’t want to start shit.

 

But if Dave knew anything about bad feelings, it was that bottling them up was the worst you could do with them.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked with genuine concern.

 

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Karkat wondered with a bit of skepticism.

 

“No idea,” Dave admitted with a little shrug, unconsciously sticking both hands inside his pockets. “I might be wrong, but I feel like you wanna talk? Not sayin’ we gotta, but… I think something’s bothering you and I’m... kinda freaking out about it? Not like, big time tho. Just a bit. Like I just left a mitten inside the oven and realized a second too late. Enough for it to be alarming but not so much that I would call 911, you know?”

 

He felt more and more stupid as he talked, but fortunately he didn’t need to say or do anything else. They had that strange connection where they could understand each other’s intentions without explaining them out loud. The little twist in Karkat’s mouth gave away that he wasn’t planning on putting up a fight.

 

“It’s nothing important, really,” he croaked. Dave’s body relaxed a bit after hearing that. Karkat still looked upset, but learning that Dave was worried seemed to soften his features and his voice. “You know that I’m a paranoid fuck with no sense of self-worth who’s also incapable of cohesive thinking. I was just remembering a bunch of stupid insecure shit that I really don’t feel like saying out loud.”

 

Dave’s shoulders dropped.

 

“...why not?”

 

“Because you’re going to think I’m a fucking idiot.” Dave detected the exasperation in his voice. “And you would be right, because I am. But I don’t want you to think it too.”

 

Karkat shrugged almost forcefully and narrowed his eyes, that had attained a glassy tint of red to them. That was not good.

 

“Okay…” Dave said, still unsure if it was actually okay. “Well, if you really don’t wanna say that’s fine and all... but you should know I’ll never think you are a fucking idiot. Thing is, the president called and declared this is a judgment-free kitchen now." Karkat raised a curious eyebrow. "Kinda like the international waters thing, where the police can’t legally touch you even if you kill a man. Except there’s no manslaughter going on here. Only one dude, listening to his best bro and babe all unbiased and supportive and shit.”

 

Karkat smiled weakly, which wasn’t the response Dave was hoping for, but it was still better than nothing. He removed a hand from his pockets and extended it as an invitation, and after a few seconds of deliberating in silence, Karkat took it. He wrapped his fingers around it, blushing a little without looking at him in the eye. Dave smiled and pulled him a little closer, taking his other hand as well.

 

“You’re never going to shut up about it, are you?” Karkat wondered with a sigh, setting his eyes on their fingers interlocking.

 

“I mean, I could,” Dave pointed out. “But what’s the point of sweeping shit like that under the carpet? It’s just gonna stink everything in the long run and, spoiler alert, we will have to clean it up anyway.”

 

“I guess so…” He sighed again, this time in a defeated manner. He paused for a few seconds before opening his mouth again. “You know earlier today, when you were telling me about Roxy’s intervention?”

 

“Um… yeah?” Dave felt a bit perplexed. That was not a topic he had expected to resurface in that very moment.

 

“And that you said the reason you stopped drinking wasn’t her, but me?”

 

“Uh-uh…?"

 

“Well…” Karkat’s face was turning redder. He squeezed Dave’s fingers between his own. “Before you told me, I really thought it was because of John...”

 

What.

 

“...That you only stopped getting shitfaced because he had finally broken up with Vriska and he was hanging out with you again.”

 

What!!

 

Dave had come to terms with the unpredictable when he confronted Karkat about his silence. He had been certain that, whatever the problem was, he would be able to understand… but that statement still felt completely out of the blue. Like if it was part of a different conversation that wasn’t taking place right then.

 

Had Karkat really just implied him sobering up was a direct result of John’s breakup? Did he actually think those two events were connected at all?

 

“That information really took me by surprise because... I’d thought about it a lot,” Karkat admitted with embarrassment. “I noticed a lot of changes in you in the past few months, but I was convinced they all happened because of John… because you felt like you had finally gotten him back.”

 

“Karkat…” Dave interrupted, his eyebrows reaching record heights. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Do you think I’m still in love with John?”

 

The idea made even less sense to him as he said it out loud. For a whole second he even thought Karkat would push him away and look at him in complete disbelief, perhaps outraged or offended by such blasphemous accusations.

 

But to his surprise, the only response he got was a very tired exhalation.

 

“Oh my god, you do. You think I’m still in love with John,” he couldn’t help the incredulous tone this time around.

 

“I know, I'm sorry. I know that I sound fucking insane,” He rushed to say, his voice turning thinner. “I mean… jesusfuck, you just planned a whole Valentine’s Day for me, right? I shouldn’t be thinking shit like that anymore, but…” He paused for a moment, his eyes looking gloomier than ever.

 

Dave’s heart ached at the sight.

 

Had Karkat been thinking like that the whole time? From the moment they decided to go on a date? After they kissed for the first time?

 

“Realistically, I’ve experienced first-hand how hard it is to get over someone important,” Karkat explained. “It’s no walk in the fucking park. And believe me, I —more than anyone ever— would _love_ to forget about the merry-go-round of infatuation and angst that half of high school was for us…” He seemed to recall something. His cheeks burned brighter and his voice became a murmur. “But whenever I see you with him, or whenever you talk about him, I remember all those times… I remember our feelings jams behind the gymnasium, your drunk texts about him and Vriska… and, I don’t know, I guess it’s just hard to imagine you’ve crossed that bridge in four months. I can’t wrap my head around how anyone could forget a first love like that just because they’re with someone new.”

 

Karkat’s eyes were still fixed on their hands and his were shaking a little.

 

Dave couldn’t speak. He didn’t know how to feel or react. It was taking him a moment to collect his thoughts. Maybe a couple moments.

 

He had been suddenly hit by a sadness hard to describe.

 

He thought everything about Karkat and him had been settled from the moment they revealed their relationship to everyone else. That _that_ had been the last and final step they had to make in order to be happy together. But now he wasn’t so sure.

 

If Karkat still had thoughts like that it was only because Dave hadn’t gotten his message across the way he wanted… and he was the only one to blame. He was the reason they were still standing in that kitchen and not watching movies in Karkat’s room, the reason Karkat was feeling so tired and vulnerable now.

 

That realization hurt like a slap across the face.

 

Genuine gestures were easy, but genuine words never were.

 

“Karkat… listen, I’m sorry if I… have been cryptic about it,” Dave said, heart beating painfully in his chest. “Like, I get it. It was a whole thing back then. I made a huge fucking deal out of my feelings for John and you were there every time I did…” His mouth went dry. It was getting harder to speak, but he couldn’t afford to remain quiet anymore. “It’s completely valid that you’d think I’m not over him. I still probably love him to some degree.”

 

Admitting that out loud after months of not even thinking about it burned like acid in his stomach. But when he said it, it felt true. It had to be.

 

He caught Karkat’s narrowed eyes drowning in quiet tears. Another stab to the chest.

 

“But I swear it’s not the same,” he assured, using all the might he had left to keep talking through a closed throat. “I love John in a way that will never make sense. And I know it’s fucked up that I’m telling you this, but you have to understand: Me and John? That was over before it even started. It was the most one-sided pathetic display of teenage fixation that anyone has ever had the misfortune to witness. And I know that now. I know it would have never worked.”

 

Karkat raised his face in surprise, gravity dragging the red tears out of his eye-sockets. The knot in Dave’s throat twisted, but after getting such a weight off of his chest he felt more confident to continue.

 

“If John suddenly claimed to love me now,” he said. “He’d just be the Julianne to my Michael. Even if he knocked down my fucking door and confessed he had loved me all along… I would still want you.”

 

In the very brief silence that followed, the weight of his words settled. He felt his fingertips going numb and that sensation of missing a few steps at once. He could feel his cheeks and ears heating up with fiery passion.

 

Karkat was only able to hold his gaze for a few seconds more before his face crumbled. He stepped a bit closer and wrapped his arms around Dave, dropping his forehead on his shoulder.

 

“I can’t fucking believe you’re comparing us to the characters from My Best Friend’s Wedding during a heartfelt confession like that, you absolute buffoon,” Karkat cried weakly. “How dare you involve Julia Roberts in this fucking hormonal mess of ridiculous proportions?”

 

Dave put both arms around his shoulders and chuckled as he held him close, trying to ignore the burning in his eyes.

 

“Dude, nothing against Julia. She’s still our 90's America’s Sweetheart, but I’m a Cameron Diaz kinda guy,” The tense atmosphere had finally shattered. The inside of his chest felt light and warm. Much more warmer than before. “By the way, in case I wasn't being clear, you're Cameron Diaz in this scenario.”

 

“Yeah… I know...”

 

“You’re the Kimmy to my Michael.”

 

“ _I got that_.”

 

“Julia’s got nothing on you.”

 

“Dave.” He stepped back only enough to give him a warning look, his eyes still red and humid. But Dave was ready for that stare, and nothing could erase the smile on his face. Karkat couldn't do anything against that impenetrable wall of joy. His brow relaxed as he blushed again. “God, you’re absolutely insufferable.”

 

Like prompted by his words, they closed the distance between them. Dave felt Karkat’s smile in the kiss but only for a moment, until he went back to hiding on his shoulder. He heard him sigh almost in a tone of surrender. The relieved kind.

 

“You make me so fucking happy.”

 

Like an arrow straight through the fucking heart. Dave winced involuntarily.

 

His body reacted on his own. He buried his face on the gap of Karkat's neck and snuggled against him, holding him tighter, trying to feel him as close as possible. He closed his eyes, unable to think, unable to care about anything that wasn’t Karkat and that embrace that almost felt healing.

 

He usually had at least a hundred thoughts going through his head at every given time, but whenever he held him like that, his mind was quiet.

 

“You make me happy too.”

 

 

[ **(Turtles)** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tvu3xiFmfDU)

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-raaaaaaaa!  
>  Bet you can't tell this is a completely different version of what I had written when I posted the last chapter (jk anyone could tell).
> 
> Biggest bummer tho?? I missed the fic's first anniversary on August 28th. This chapter was just right for it too pffftt.  
>  But oh well. Happy birthday It Had To Be You! And thank you to all you people who have been here from the beginning, and to those who have joined along the way. It's been nice writing again.
> 
>    
>  On another note  
>  You're probably wondering "wow one year of posting? so now what bitch you said 30 chapters like forever ago"  
>  BUT BITCH WAS WRONG (actually bitch wrote extra chaps that shouldn't have existed lol)  
>  But anyway if you are tired of cute fluff and want some plot to happen alfuckingready... next chapter might give you a hint to where this story is going  
>  Then again if 35 chapters feels like too much I can cut it short I guess just lemme know.
> 
> PS: If anyone here likes Dream Daddy and very specifically sad Joseph/Dadsona feels I posted a may-or-may-not-continue one shot in case you're into that [**(link)**](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11922267/chapters/26943753)
> 
> *･ﾟﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　THANKS FOR READING　✿✼:*ﾟ:.｡..｡.:*･ﾟﾟ･*
> 
> See you later!  
>  R.xo


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